"People paid money first time! Now do it again, only blander, so no one is offended."

Rating: 5/10 (23 May 2012)

In 1978, the people of Zartha wanted to hide their MacGuffin, The Light, on Earth, but it went against MIB protocol. Serleena wanted it, and it was sent out, and she has been seeking it ever since(all of this backstory? Delivered in a clumsy exposition dump. Show, don't tell, movie). Well, that's what she says, the opening credits(by the way, not counting the ones at the conclusion of this, this is 77 minutes long... no, really. How many Hollywood mainstream flicks do you know that don't break an hour and a half? And it's incredibly padded; I can tell why it's so short, it was clearly cut to pieces in editing) have her blowing up one planet(though once she lands, her ship is suddenly tiny(laugh, darn you! I mean, we even brought back the theme of the size of something not equaling its significance! By which we mean we've kept it out of fear that was what you liked, and you wouldn't spend money on this one if we removed it, even if its inclusion has no bearing on anything!), so those must have been as well... that, or they were making this up as they went along, and actually, I do believe the latter) after the other(ooh, how else can we make the audience stay if there aren't explosions immediately?!?)... anyway, she copies the appearance of Lara Flynn Boyle in lingerie(which is what she looks like for the rest of this... who needs anything interesting in their villain when she can just be a hot chick, right? And we get downblouse shots and early, she walks away from the camera, her butt the focus... classy), and we instantly get a bulimia joke, which serves multiple purposes; to serve as a great metaphor for the regurgitated nature of every gag and joke in this, and to set the bar low, to let us know that they are all going to be that dumb(and trust me, there's maybe a single funny one in this entire thing... no, really). I'm not kidding, they bring back *everything*(and "beef it up", as if it wasn't pitch perfect in the '97 one(by the way, how good a sign is it that a sequel took *five years* to come out?), and as if a huge part of the attraction wasn't that we hadn't seen it before... the first one opens a door into a fantastic universe, letting us breathe but promising to go further in follow-ups, this one reluctantly blocks that path, like a kid worried about his parents seeing his bad report card), including the basic story structure(!). If the one who did/said it in the first is gone, they just have someone else do it. Example? Before it was "cab drivers are not from Earth", now it's "postal workers". The worm guys return, and like Frank the Pug(who is made a freaking *agent* in this one! Think about that for a second, how is that inconspicuous? How would he handle a gun, cover tracks, chase down a bad guy... OK, well, you're still one for three; in general, in this, they don't give a crap about hiding their operations, and somehow, hardly anything gets noticed by anyone), never shut up, are obnoxious, and are only there for the "humor", expanded greatly beyond the one bit they had(that they should have stayed as... they were not strokes of genius, they were goofy little ideas that worked for the minute or two of screen time). Jeebs returns, looking weirder than before. How? He was told to leave Earth in 1. And they take away the perfect ending to the character of K! That alone makes this a wretched production. Thankfully, right after that revelation, Lee Jones punches the one explaining it in the face, saving the audience the trouble. He's "deneuralized", whatever that even *means*. So now you can bring *back* memories? I guess they wanted the same dynamic between the partners, which is a foolish idea. J has years of experience now. Actually, they try to swap it some, as Tommy is now briefly a rookie. And then they go back, and have him be more cool-headed than still young and brash Will Smith. That actually works a little. Doesn't offer this any tension or any measure of creativity to alien designs(seriously, they're basically all humanoids(what a waste of Rick Baker)... this reeks of studio interference, they're terrified of taking any chances whatsoever, and their product ends up impossibly uninspired... like the "do you even remember her name" love interest played by Rosario Dawson, she has to be appealing to everyone so she has no personality, then there's nothing to put people off... I'd love for her to meet Sin City's Gail, see how they get along...) or the big, shiny guns. The climax has a suddenly introduced "ticking clock" that doesn't make sense(much like the ending sequence). Knoxville doesn't do anything that I imagine people connect to him and Jackass, and he's as terrible an actor as you fear. Fiorentino is dismissed with a single line, and on the whole, this is lazily put together. There is a little sexually suggestive content and mild language in this. I recommend it to kids without taste who enjoyed the original and want something similar, whether or not it's any good. 5/10