You won't need a strobe light to wipe this from your memory.

Rating: Null/10 (16 March 2003)

At the beginning of "Men In Black II," the light of the Columbia logo's Statue of Liberty flashes a la the MIB's neuralizing device, in an attempt to wipe the audience's memory of the previous movie and thus deliver an excuse for the pale imitation that follows; it's shorter than the first one - even with the extensive end credits (which clock in at 7:05 - yes, I timed them), it comes in at around 84 minutes - and the duration isn't the only way it's lesser.
The thrill and freshness are gone in this belated sequel about another threat to the future of the Earth arriving in pursuit of something that's hidden here, and only the Men In Black can stop it/her... but when the villain takes the form of a Victoria's Secret model and it still isn't stirring, there's something wrong. (Admittedly after "Wild Wild West" I can understand Barry Sonnenfeld bypassing actual models like Frederique van der Wal in favour of proper actresses like Lara Flynn Boyle, but it might have benefitted the movie to see Heidi Klum with tentacles or Laetitia Casta in lingerie... actually, almost anything would benefit from the latter. But I digress.) In fact, the movie doesn't get going until Will Smith tracks down Tommy Lee Jones and brings him back into the field; Jones's underplaying is worth any amount of Smith's mugging, but he's one of the few positive aspects.
Blame the true villains - Robert Gordon (who co-wrote "Galaxy Quest," which is in his favour) and Barry Fanaro (who used to write for "The Golden Girls," which isn't). The threadbare and illogical script doesn't have much for anyone to work with, and the setpieces just seem to lie there from the opening with a subway worm-creature onwards - the latter not helped by some weak effects-work. And unlike "Addams Family Values," this doesn't add anything of its own to the mix - from the Xerox of the "Smaller-than-it-looks" title sequence to the you-need-a-sense-of-proportion ending that completely lacks the sense of existentialism the first one had, it's the prototype for lazy sequels. Basically, there's nothing here that hasn't been seen before, with the exceptions of Lara Flynn Boyle walking around with an enormous stomach and Tommy Lee Jones in postman's shorts.
Frank the pug, the worms, Tony Shalhoub and a wasted Rosario Dawson are great, however, and you should definitely sit through the end credits (not for Will Smith's obligatory rap - "The best looking crimefighter since myself in Part 1"? You wish - but for Danny Elfman's swinging music). But apart from that, stick with the original movie or the far superior animated TV series.