Men in cheap suits

Rating: 1/10 (20 May 2004)

For such a belated (and now unwanted) sequel to feel so much like a quick-rehash to cash in on the original's success is weird. This movie had 5 years (and some false-starts) to refine and for the filmmakers to really make it something special for the fans and to pay tribute to the brilliant Men in Black. It never happened.
Instead we have a plot (that doesn't even make sense) so wafer thin it's almost invisible and repeats of old scenes. Always, always, always a bad, bad, bad mistake for a sequel. NEVER homage or try to be smart by repeating scenes. John Carpenter did this with Escape from LA and that was lost on almost all audiences. Just like what has happened with MIB II. I did expect this to be a huge hit. But it's gone largely unnoticed because it's asking for money for old rope.
David Cross (who played the morgue attendant in the original) has the only funny scene and I swear any other laughs will be no more than exaggerated smiles. You'll want to enjoy, but won't. Lara Flynn Boyle is not the uber-[female] her character should have been. And Rosario Dawson has NOTHING to do in her role at all. I don't want to say that she is a bad actress because the part offered her so little to do. Not even so little. It was nothing. Never before in my life have I seen such a pointless character. All she did was stand around with her eyes open in amazement. That's it. Had her character been called Laura MacGuffin instead of Laura Vasquez it would have been a tiny bit acceptable. What IS the deal with that silly 'light' nonsense?
Plus the chemistry between Smith and Jones is gone. It's simply not there and there is no spark. Jones originally didn't even want to do this film (Linda Fiorentino was supposed to return) and he seems like someone totally different. First time round he was wise and crafty. Here he is just a gear in the machine. There's no magic. No comic timing.
MIB II should have been one of those surprising sequels that blows the original out of the water. Like Gremlins 2 for example. Spielberg was producer on that movie too. It came 6 years after the first. MIB II had 5. And it seems like they just hastily threw it together in a couple of weeks. It is so puzzling. And what is even weirder is that the Men In Black Limited Edition DVD has a trailer for MIB II. And that DVD was released in Fall 2000! (ages before this film's eventual release, where they aiming for a summer 2001 release?) And the trailer for MIB II on this DVD is anamorphically enhanced at 2.35:1. But the actual film itself is 1.85:1. I found this to be one of the most strangest things of all. It's practically false advertising.
Oh well, I don't want to give the film 1/5. I really don't. Not when MIB deserves a sequel so much better. And by giving it 1/5 I am, in a way, insulting the original. But I must. Sorry.