the horror! the horror!

Rating: 1/10 (31 December 2004)

"Meet The Fokkers" is the worst movie of all time.
There I said it! The fact is there's never been a good comedy sequel...ever! Was Beverly Hills Cop II better than Beverly Hills Cop? Were any of the Police Academy sequels any more tolerable than the first? Was Naked Gun 2 1/2 even remotely as funny as the original? Arthur II: On the Rocks, Arthur, Pink Panther, Pink Panther Strikes Again, Analyze That, Analyze This, you get the bloody point, right? The fact is it's a lot harder to write comedy than drama or just about anything else and the script writers always fall into the trap of trying to rehash what they thought brought the yuks last time. So having been talked into seeing this film by my girlfriend, I didn't think it would exceed my expectations of mediocrity. I mean, I was expecting nothing to begin with. SO HOW THE H-E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS DID THIS FILM MANAGE TO BRING THE BILE TO MY THROAT???
Here's a breakdown.
All the pee pee ca ca jokes. You would have thought that MTF would have at least retained the spirit of the original, which was witty and cringe-inducing (in a good way) with perfect comic timing. But Stiller and company took the low road with MTF. Hey, we find out that Gaylord's got relatives named Domme Fokker (haw haw), Randy Fokker (hehe HAW!) and Orney Fokker (huah! jethro mah sides is done splittin). The 'cute' kid going aaaaaaaass...hoooole of course was a new low.
BARBRA STREISAND!! GOD WHO THOUGHT PUTTING THIS UNFUNNY NUDNIK IN THIS MOVIE WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA?? SHE'S GOT A REVERSE MIDAS TOUCH EVERYTHING SHE TOUCHES TURNS TO SH*T!!
Rehash the old jokes. Yeah let's try the same jokes or variations on a theme. More boob jokes, more stupid pet tricks, THE GODDAMN CIRCLE OF TRUST!!!! AGAIN!!!
Cameos upon unnecessary cameos. We get the stewardess with the 'sticks in her hair' for no apparent reason, we get Owen Wilson for no apparent reason...
The sad thing is this film still had some promise that was never fulfilled. That brief scene where a sodium penthatol induced Greg gets on the microphone...that was funny.
And umm that's about it. Gigli has got nothing on this bomb. I predict when people get wind of this and the people who wanted to like this so much stop voting '10's' on it, it'll drop from 6.8 to 1.5 and end up in the bottom 250.
You heard it from me first. Hooah!