You'll be begging for death at the end of this travesty

Rating: Null/10 (2 July 2017)

In Meet Joe Black Brad Pitt plays Death who has decided, after eons of existing, to experience the human existence through an unhappy car crash victim. As his guide he chooses a filthy rich media mogul played by Anthony Hopkins. Because that's a fine sample of humanity right there. But, it just so happens that the mogul has a feisty daughter played by the lovely Claire Forlani. Hijinks do indeed ensue.
This film has problems. The actors themselves are fine, yes. The technical aspects are fine, yes. Even the story is not half bad and would normally allow for an hour or two of lighthearted entertainment. Once again it's the execution that trumps all that.
Because this film is ghastly boring, unimaginative, unbearable to watch and just an all-around mess. And almost all of that stems from the fact that it's Three! Hours! Long! At most it should be two, and even that would be tedious with the amount of story on display here. I mean, a firework is fun right? The shooting, the buildup of the climb and then the main thing, the explosion. Imagine all that taking ten minutes instead of seconds. That's how this movie felt to me. And why is it so long? Because apparently the director doesn't know the word "cut", leading most scenes to go on a minute or two too long. Including fifteen minutes dedicated to peanut butter and a sex scene that has us staring at Brad Pitt's bulging eyes for another fifteen minutes. Oh I'm sure the scene lasted for a couple of minutes at best, but it sure felt like an eternity.
It also doesn't help that the film is positively diabetic. Especially the ending, which tries so hard to be emotional and heartfelt that I feel sorry for it. Because it isn't. It's manipulative, forced and banal. I'm sorry, ending, that's the truth.
Meet Joe Black has its fans and in some sick manner I can even see why. Its actors are capable, the story has that sugary quality to it that appeals to some and it is professionally made, aside from the length of it. Personally I died a little watching it. As in I'm three hours closer to death and I have nothing to show for it.