Your Thanksgiving Turkey Has Arrived!

Rating: 1/10 (22 November 1998)

I was not at all surprised to see four writers on the credits for this film, as it is such an inconstant mish-mash of one ill-defined character after another. There was no way only one thinking person wrote this film. The film moves ponderously from one glacially paced scene after another. I saw this movie at 8:00 in the evening and by 9:00 my son had to shake me because I was snoring in the theater. I don't recall ever falling asleep during a movie before, but "Meet Joe Black" did it to me. It is hard to say how long I was "out" for. The same scene I was watching when I lost consciousness was still on when I was awakened. In this film that could mean I was out for a second or two or for 10 minutes. The scenes just go on and on and on with not much of anything being said.
My wife was crying through the whole picture and was deeply moved by the whole affair. When I asked her why she said the truths of the movie touched her. To save you from three hours of trite tediousness I present those truths to you now: 1). Families should love one another, 2) don't marry unless you are in love, and 3) good people don't have to fear death. I would add to this list: 1) You can fall in love with someone if he looks like Brad Pitt even though his personality changes repeatedly and you have no idea who he is, 2) death does not know what peanut butter is, but can slip in and out of a Jamaican riff at the drop of a hat, and 3) overly contrived plotting is not the dead art we all hoped it would be by now.
Now before I start hearing the obvious `This guy just hates Brad Pitt' remarks, you should know that I am the Brad Pitt fan in my house. I think Brad is a wonderful actor, but he is so wasted in this drivel. Likewise, Anthony Hopkins has nowhere to go with this script. Is he the hard-driven businessman with a lust for life so great that he attracts the attention of death itself, or is he the guy wasting away his few remaining hours on this planet playing solitaire? Is he the shrewd businessman who is in constant control of every situation, fast thinking and powerful, or is he a guy who stands there with a dumb, dull look on his face when questioned about the mysterious Joe Black, letting his company slip through his fingers? One minute he is calm and collected in his dealings with death, the next he explodes, saying he's fed up, the next he's calm again, and back and forth. Hopkins is a wonderful actor; unfortunately this script asked him to play three or four different roles as the same character.
My son is a good boy and a wonderful son. however, if he were a great son he would have let me sleep through the rest of this film. I can tell it's getting close to Thanksgiving, the turkey just arrived.