Torturous and unending!

Rating: 4/10 (9 April 2007)

You'd think that between Anthony Hopkins and Brad Pitt (not to mention the inimitable Jeffrey Tambor), an at-least-decent movie would emerge, but that was regrettably not the case here. That is not to say that Hopkins and Pitt turned in bad performances; they were both what you'd expect of them: Hopkins at turns stiff and explosive, Pitt utterly chameleonic. Rather, it is the ineptitude of the writers (all FOUR of them!) and the director that fails this movie so miserably...and what is there to a movie after that? So much of this film reminded me of Peter Sellers' 'Being There,' but that movie worked with a fluid story, single-minded direction and all spot-on performances. This...well, the story is single-minded, the direction is sloppy and the performances are (at best) spotty. Even the usually excellent Pitt's character is all over the place: one moment he's naive or petulant as a 5-year-old, the next he's as omnipotent and stern as a god! Again, not his fault clearly. His performance at every turn is solid, but the turns he's given are just too much. Behind all this is a score that sounds like it's been lifted from 3 or 4 other movies. It sweeps, dips and soars often completely counter to the action on the screen. Nowhere is this more evident than in the last conversation between Hopkins and Pitt. My wife and I were convinced at any moment they were going to be pressing their faces together in a climactic kiss! But, no, it was just a chat...that went on forever. My pregnant missus was laughing so hard, she felt certain it was going to induce labour! The writers of this movie should've stuck to TV scripts. It's clearly what they do best. Too much of this story was too trite, and too much of the dialogue sounded like it was pieced together from greeting cards. The best example of this is Hopkins early speech to Forlani on the plane, regarding looking for true love. That monologue jumps from one cliché to the next, as though the writers stood in a drugstore on Valentine's Day, rifling through a rack of niceties and copying down the insides. I gave it a 4 out of the IMDb 10, and that mainly because it wasn't '"Manos": The Hands of Fate,' and did have a pretty solid core cast. But do yourself a favour: avoid this movie. I watched it with my wife (though at my own suggestion, I'm ashamed to say), and it's truly surprising we both made it through all three hours of this dreck. Don't do the same. Go watch any of the number of other better movies either Hopkins or Pitt have done...then just put the quality together in your mind. You'll be a better person for it. I only wish we'd done the same.