It's not big, and it's not clever

Rating: 1/10 (15 September 2019)

Had it not been a "Woody Allen film" I probably would have given up on this movie after the first five minutes. I was alerted to the dodgy status of the dialogue by Alexander Armstrong's unsteady delivery as he interviews J R M . The words were English, they were right, but not necessarily in the right order or in the right place. This curious dialect continued. It was as if Woody Allen had imagined what Londoners might say if they were rich enough to have a chauffeur, live in a studio flat with more than 2 rooms and have a box at the opera. Or maybe he wrote what such people might say if they lived in New York, and then ran it through Google Translate for British English. And another thing: why have a scratchy soundtrack filled with operatic arias? They weren't matched to the mood of the film. The plot is preposterous, amoral and cliched. But if you like that sort of thing, then you will persist with the film until it reaches its climax and the one true scene of filmic worth occurs. But even then the conclusion derived from that moment - the closing of the arc set up by the opening credits - is nonsensical.
Do please believe the critical reviews in UK newspapers from 2006. Fans of Woody Allen were the most disappointed. Forewarned is forearmed.