Never another Woody Allen film.

Rating: 1/10 (18 May 2007)

First off, I have never reviewed a movie for IMDb before. After watching Match Point I had to sign up, so I could warn others of what is coming I have never watched a Woody Allen film all the way through. After reading many positive reviews stating that this was not the typical Woody Allen film; I decided to give it a go. What a waste of 2 hours. I felt that the whole concept of this movie, though successfully tackled by Allen in the past (see Crimes and Misdemeanors), was totally contrived this time around. The character of Chris Wilton, played by a one-dimensional Jonathan Rhys Meyers, was executed so poorly that I found myself not caring what happens to him. Another poor character was Nola Rice (Scarlett Johansson). Our introduction to Nola involved "Table" tennis and sparking a cigarette. What a turn-off. How are we supposed to be interested in a character when she is so disgusting? While I have enjoyed Scarlett in other movies, especially The Prestige, I found myself wishing that Woody had selected another actress. As this role needed no talent, an actress lacking Scarlett's abilities would have possibly been a better choice. The only shining performance was from Emily Mortimer as Chris Wilton's wife Chloe.
Now moving on to the story; the plot crawled along for the first 90 minutes trying unsuccessfully to establish feelings for the main characters. I would have rather endured 90 minutes of a root canal instead of Woody Allen's attempt at drama. By the time the supposed plot twists come around I found me cheering that this travesty of drama was almost over. Even the twists are contrived. The ending left me wondering how anyone could be satisfied. How could Chris do what he did and Woody expect us, as ethical human beings, to feel empathy for him? How could we even think that he would be a decent father? I would like to see Woody be held accountable for the actions of his characters. I could go on with the disgust I feel but I think that would be giving Woody way too much credit. The only thing worse than hating a movie is ranting about it so much that generates publicity.
I am glad that I have never seen more Woody Allen films. I know that many people herald him for his great movies, but based on Match Point, I will never waste time on him again. With that I will close this review and strongly recommend that you watch Howard the Duck instead!