Do not be tempted

Rating: 2/10 (3 March 2008)

Words almost fail me, but the message I must give is important for any Woody Allen completist planning to spend any time or money on watching this clumsy, tedious, and simply irritating movie. PLEASE DON'T! And if you're not a Woody fan - WATCH SOMETHING ELSE!
I am a big Woody Allen fan; I was looking forward to this film being a worthy addition to his tremendous, if variable, portfolio. And I respect Woody for trying something new here, by crossing the Atlantic to make a film with a cast made up almost solely of English characters based in an around London. But the result is truly execrable! It pains me to give such a low mark to a film by such a great film-maker.
I'd say that the fact that this film has made many millions of dollars at the box-office must be based entirely on his reputation, but all of Woody's other recent films have done far less well - why?? This is one baffling aspect of this movie. But the most baffling aspect is just how/why did it turn out to be such a stinker?
Where does it all go wrong? Well, the central story is just about acceptable if you're happy to accept yet another very run-of-the-mill hokey story about a crime of passion that wouldn't have vexed the minds of thriller fans in any era. It's nothing special story-wise, but nothing too awful.
What murders this film stone-dead from the earliest scenes is the poor dialogue, and in particular the appalling series of lines painfully delivered by Jonathan Rhys-Meyers as Chris, the central character who (unfortunately for the viewer) appears in virtually every scene of the film. Now as the film wore on, I became increasingly concerned that JRM is simply not a good actor. I'd be very happy to be proved wrong, I've no problem with his other work, but his peculiar transatlantic accent and extraordinarily stilted manner combines with the humourless, charmless dialogue that he's given by Allen to kill every scene in its tracks.
More? There is no humour or levity whatsoever, at any point in the film. Despite this, a whole host of fine British comic actors make sadly wasted appearances, presumably drawn to the fake aura of Woody. The office scenes, at Chris's workplace, are risible. JRM's amorous clinches with Scarlett Johansson's American character (tellingly the most convincingly written part here) are frankly embarrassing, really quite bizarre in their inept staging and performance.
Woody received an Oscar nomination for the screenplay! How???
Enough already! Just don't be tempted! DON'T!
If you're a Woody fan yearning for new material, watch Julie Delpy's "2 Days in Paris" - infinitely better than anything the man himself can muster nowadays ...