The Never Ending Non-story!!!!

Rating: 3/10 (20 October 2006)

I didn't know what to expect when coming into the theatre for this movie. The playful pop music, glitz and glamor of the commercial, and pink graphic with her name scrawled in a very informal manner gave me a sense of some indie take on the life and times of the unfortunate Queen. But what you get is something thats just so hard to define. I initially gave it a 1 because the plot seems to go NOWHERE, but after much thought I recast my vote for the following reasons: 1) The music will at times draw you in with a pop tune well timed, and push you away with classical symphony boredom. That push and pull added a layer to the film. 2) Some of the imagery is actually spectacular, and really draws you into a calm lazy summertime feel. 3) There were rare, and brief instances where something was funny, in a sad or odd way.
Now for the problems(WARNING SPOILER ALERT): First and foremost the plot isn't even there, it's like a movie about nothing (and not in the funny Seinfeild way). You wait til the end and think that at least the mob will behead her and there will be a neat end to the thing, but she isn't beheaded! Secondly, literally thirty minutes of this film is composed entirely of shots of confections, cakes and candies. It's like one big add for a candy shop! Third, the use of "pregnanat pauses" is so profuse, that at times its like a silent movie. Fourth, and probably the oddest of them all, many of the actors don't even try for an accent at all (be it French, British, or Austrian), but then right next to those who speak regular American English are those that toss on a french accent. Worse yet her child speaks only French! It's like some of them simply decided that they would show off that they could do the accent and the others thought, "meh, why bother".
All in all, a completely worthless waste of two hours of your life; and as strange as it may seem, if you do see it you'll likely have hours and hour worth of material to complain, and think over with your friends. If it was they're goal to make a movie people would talk about they have succeeded. However, they should have specified whether they wanted the talk to be good or bad.