Paris Hilton of the 18th century

Rating: 1/10 (21 October 2006)

Paris Hilton of the 17th century. This basically sums up the content of Marie Antoinette. Sweets, shoes, and silks of many shapes and colors displayed on terrible actors running through an utterly pointless script is essentially the impression this film leaves.
The most amusing scenes of the film come in the first twenty minute. At this point little Marie is still getting used to the peculiarities of French society, which are rather ridiculous and offer comic relief from the powdered-wig reality of the rest of the movie. The discomfort between Marie and her extremely awkward, weight conscious husband, at the beginning of the movie is also entertaining. But, alas, all this quickly comes to a close when Marie finally manages to pop out a kid and retires to a devastatingly charming cottage in rural France.
From this point forward the movie is a succession of extremely drawn out, ascetically appealing, yet utterly pointless scenes. Look, Marie with a lamb. Oh and now, Marie in a canoe. Awww, Marie picking strawberries. Marie falling asleep to music. Marie bored out of her mind! Seriously, whoever thought making a movie about a bunch of bored people would result in exciting cinema was wrong.
You know how many movies have that one, profound, symbolic "slow scene?" Well, Marie Antoinette had like 50! However they were neither profound nor symbolic, but just unbearably drawn out. These scenes left an impression that the editor died midway though the movie and was unable to restrain Sophia Coppola's attempts at artsy-deep camera-work.
If you're going to see the movie for the "sex" and "scandal" promised by the preview, you'll be disappointed. The entire conflict of the first half of the film is that Marie Antoinette can't manage to have sex with Louis and thus consummate their marriage. Although in the middle of the film Marie does have an affair with a dashing lieutenant of the Swiss army, the sex scene is so short that if you blink you'll miss it. As to scandal  it blends into the quaint, delightfully charming, overly pink setting and is virtually unnoticeable.
Music choice brings this movie over the edge from flat out boring to annoying. Coppola should have made up her mind which century she was doing to draw the soundtrack from. Classical really clashes with 80s music.
Instead of paying the eight dollars to see the movie, save yourself the pain and run through the mall at a dangerous speed and maybe a couple of candy and bakery shops while you're at it. The general experience is painfully close to seeing Marie Antoinette.