Let 'Em Eat Really Bad Cake

Rating: 1/10 (20 July 2010)

There are absolutely stunning sets here, truly amazing recreations of Versailles. There are costumes - and shoes, oh, yes, shoes! - so sumptuous you may pass out. There are some very fine actors involved, and there is excellent art direction. But there is, sadly, no movie. No movie at all. What there is, is a solid 90 minutes of waiting to see if MA's marriage gets consummated, and even this is a tiresome, completely not erotic affair. That's about it. Oh - Dunst really does play the role like a Valley girl, all the way, which I hear was meant to 'modernize' the subject for young audiences. It's an adolescent contrivance in a pointless film, and what burns me up the most is this kind of budget spent on a laughably inept script, in the hands of a director better suited to MTV. This is the hopelessly juvenile 'Moulin Rouge' school of filmmaking and, if you can sit through this insulting garbage easily, you are far more patient than I.