Horrific

Rating: 1/10 (16 January 2010)

The casting was absurd, the acting shallow and contrived, there was no plot or dialouge. I get slow moving, quiet films like Sophia's last success- Lost in Translation, but at least the characters were admirable there, the relationships substantial and the story was very witty and funny. But here- Nothing actually happens. There is no love, humour, romance, challenge, obstacle to overcome, building of relationships, depth of character, growth or change. The movie is supposed to focus on the character of Marie Antoinette, but we don't actually find out anything about her.
What is this movie actually about? A giggly, clueless, naive teenage girl who jumps in a carriage from Austria to France with her miniature pet dog like some Paris Hilton, goes to the woods to meet the perverted king while surrounded by a few old gossiping whores, then meets her fiancé who is a complete bore and speaks 2 words during the entire drawn out piece of crap movie. The first hour is about Luis continually rejecting her sexual advances and how everyone including her own mother is disappointed in her as a result- blaming her that she can't inspire sexual desire in him. As if any heterosexual, red blooded male wouldn't want to bang a gorgeous blonde virgin. So she becomes increasingly upset and the scenes switch between the morning ritual of getting dressed, sitting beside Luis and dining in silence, and at night watching as he coldly rejects her sexual advances yet again. Eventually she 'rebels' and starts indulging in shoes, clothes, pastries, parties and a few sexual flings. Then finally Luis has sex with her and immediately in the next scene the child is born. There is no growth in their relationship at all- it's just as shallow and pointless as before. The next time we see her daughter she's about 6 and they are running around in the garden. This is the only time you see them 'bonding' if you can call it that. She seems to show more affection towards the baby lamb in the garden than her own child. In this scene it's pretty obvious she still hasn't grown up at all. She's still the same flighty, stupid brain dead giggly little girl. There is nothing compelling about her character that makes you want to delve deeper, or explore further. What you see is what you get- hair, clothes, shoes and giggling. She continues her party-hard lifestyle even as a mother and one day finds out her own mother died. The scene almost immediately after that is her giving birth to another child. WTF?! And before you know it there's a loud banging on the door and they have come to execute her. Why you ask? They don't say. That's just it, they don't say anything! Oh and what the heck is with the accents? They are in France for God's sake and the accents are all mixed ranging from east coast American to British. It makes no sense! Seriously, I was throwing things at the T.V. Thankfully they didn't talk much so you didn't have to hear it much. And the 80s punk music fits in really well too. This has made me think of Sophia as a talentless hack. If you want to watch a movie about Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie dressed up in 18th century costumes drinking champagne, eating, trying on shoes, engaging in shallow gossip and playing with poodles- then sure. Otherwise please for the love of God stay away from this piece of garbage. That's 2 hours of my life and about 20 points of my IQ I'll never get back.