143 Minutes of Mostly Backstory

Rating: 6/10 (20 February 2017)

(June 2013.) If you watch the 'Man of Steel' trailer you do get a sense that this thing is going to rock. In fact, it's going to be the best 110 minutes you ever spent. What you end up with, though, is a full bladder and 143 minutes of mostly backstory. Ouch! And don't get me wrongâ€”I love Russell Crowe. But seriously, they could have made a prequel starring Michael Shannon and him, and called it 'Krypton.'
Some scenes just didn't make any sense. Here's Clark Kent as a kid, confused and frightened by his X-ray vision and super-sharp hearing. So he tears out of the classroom and hides in a storage closet. Now the teacher shows upâ€”as well as the entire class! What is this, a field trip? Here's another one. The guy flies around at like a million miles an hour, right? But no matter where he goes, Lois Lane is there. What, did she commandeer the transporter from 'Star Trek'?
And how about this? There's a moment toward the end when General Zod makes a big speech intended to evoke sympathy, I guess, which explains in plain English what drives his behavior. Excuse me but we got that in the first few minutes of the movie. He's devoted to Krypton and will do anything to protect its future. Check! Do we really need the stupid on-the-nose speech?
And while we're at it, why is Superman so frickin' moody all the time? Honestly this thing was just begging for a Lex Luthor as portrayed by Danny DeVito. Or Joe Pesci. Oh and don't let me forget. Superman can't breathe on General Zod's spaceshipâ€”he even gets a nosebleed. But he has no problem in space.
Okay, so I didn't see this movie in 3D. We would've had to wait another hour-and-a- half. Best decision I ever made by the way. After that third act, I was exhausted! These guys don't know the meaning of excess. I mean, how many times do I need to see cars flying and spinning. And how about Superman and General Zod hurtling through buildingsâ€”through walls and windowsâ€”until the buildings are literally cut in two? It was fun the first timeâ€”not the fifteenth.
And here's something I really didn't get. Superman, General Zod and his minions are stronger on earth because of differences in gravity or whatever. But with the beating they're taking, how come their costumes don't fall apart? Who made these things, Edna Mode? I mean, if I had just flown two hundred miles an hour through several steel, concrete and glass buildings, wouldn't my cape at least get a snag?
Superman is boring, no question. And Clark Kent, the reporter, doesn't come into the picture until the epilogue. Maybe he'll be clumsy and charming like Christopher Reeve in the next one. Or maybe we'll just get more spinning cars and people breathing in space without oxygen.
I give it a C+. Go see it, though. But if you suffer from motion sickness, bring a barf bag. Or close your eyes for the last thirty minutes. It's like being inside the Zipper with the Joker at the controls.