Not Brand Echh!

Rating: 4/10 (21 July 2013)

For those old enough to remember, ECHH was a superhero comic parody published in the late 60s. Amongst other things, it reminded us to not take even comics too seriously..
Which takes me to the long awaited and latest Superman instalment. While most superheroes had origins that ranged from sad to nothing to speak of, a few had much darker pasts. These included tragic to borderline psychotic and everything in between. The brooding didn't help the early Batman and Superman franchises and ensured the quick demise of the Daredevil..
Most superhero-movie-goers now expect at least 30 minutes of guilt-ridden, soul-searching flashbacks amongst or before the action. Less perhaps in the sequels but if it's a prequel or a revival of a franchise, look out!..
So here we are with another revival. The third in recent years with the most recent attempt so bad even video pirates refused to stock it..
No doubt the special effects will be better, the scenes more realistic and the wardrobe and costumes cool and contemporary. We will again see Krypton destroyed, the Kents and probably superdudes female friends Lois and Lana..
Most of us have been there before and we all know what to expect. There will be flying, invulnerable hero donned in indestructible costume, cape and hairdo, heat and x-ray vision, speed and of course super strength, breath, hearing and the prerequisite weakness for Kryptonite. It's all there..
About the only unknown is how yet another good triumphs over evil story will be told. Making allowances for the fact that all superheroes have to be at least 20-40 points lower in IQ than the villain because let's face it, if they were smarter as well, every comic would be just one page and every movie about 5 minutes, there should still be plenty of territory for a plausible 90 minute flick..
So there was a bit of foreboding when Jor-El (Russel Crowe) announced early on that not only would baby Kal-El have all the genetic material of Krypton, he would also be super intelligent. Not only would the man of steel see and hear them coming, he would also out think them if and when they did. The baddies and consequently, the movie didn't have much of a hope, or did it?..
Well, they and it both did, in a manner of speaking. For not only was Jor-El mistaken about the smarts of his natural born offspring, that one error also meant that for much of the second half of the movie our not-so-smart superhero instead of destroying the vessels destroying the planet battled interminably with his equally invulnerable enemies in a crowded city casually destroying building after building full of people (I lost count after 20 skyscrapers) before finally overcoming his strict morals to dispatch the main villain, General Zod in order to save one family..
By that time I was past caring and had switched my loyalties to the villains. Whatever their dastardly plans, they couldn't possibly do much worse. Call me cynical but I honestly doubt anyone would be grateful to the man of steel for levelling a city in order to save it, or that they picked on earth in the first place because Kal-El was in it. As for his secret identity, well you work it out for yourselves but it would require mass amnesia..
There are more plot holes like why they would sentence the villains to the relative safety of a powerful ship when the planet was about to blow or why an advance space-faring race had no evacuation plan but hey, you have to start somewhere..
So there's talk of a sequel with a new Batman. Well he's supposed to be pretty damn smart too, isn't he?..