I weep..

Rating: 1/10 (17 June 2013)

I'll confess I didn't weep, I came very close though. I was open minded, waiting, willing, then around a third of the way through I realised that what I was watching was more than just a film, another blockbuster, a popcorn munching way to while away the summer evening, what I was really watching was the moment story died..
This is a truly awful film.
It is beautifully shot, the costume almost inspires rather than inducing sniggers, the acting is quiet, understated, the CGI so effective they have almost crossed that last lingering barrier where real and manipulated are indistinguishable. The scale is epic.
And despite all of that I will repeat: this is a truly awful film. None of the above can redeem it. And its not an opinion, its a fact.
Some people have enjoyed it, a few I was with enjoyed it. And still, this is a truly awful film. That is not an opinion.
I really wanted to walk out, but I had a large pick and mix bucket and I dug deep and found the sugary will to endure.
Normally I try to give a balanced view, but I am sick of doing so. I am sick of giving the benefit of the doubt to people who quite clearly are making millions doing something they are unqualified to do: tell stories.
If you want characters, likable or interesting or funny or curious, just some - any- sense of character, this is not the film for you.
if you want humour, wry wit, cheesy gags, gentle social commentary, daft slapstick, this is not the film for you.
if you want mystery, intrigue, wonder, this is not the film for you.
if you want relationships, conflict born from fear and hope, blossoming romance, unrequited love, this is not the film for you.
if you want dialogue that stays with you, that will be quoted years from now, that makes you lean forward as if physically pulled into the story, this is not the film for you.
If you want mindless violence and a battle scene that lasts for three quarters of the movie, then this is the film for you.
If you want to know the entire story in the first five minutes, this is the film for you.
if you want the same story that every superman before this has already told, in a thousand rehashed, reheated ways.. this is the film for you.
In twenty years, people will still revisit the original film. No one will revisit this. Its special effects will be outdated in a year - so will any possible appeal.
I will repeat: this is a truly awful film. And that is not an opinion.