Kal-El? More like Dull-El!

Rating: 6/10 (5 August 2013)

I love the Superman franchise. I remember watching the first film and laughing at the effects the whole way through and I adore John Williams' astounding soundtrack. So it is commonplace to expect someone like me to have high expectations of a remake. The film starts on Krypton, like the original film and I was immediately amazed by the effects and Russell Crowe was great as Jor-El. Then baby Kal comes to Earth and for the first hour the film is fantastic. Just like in the original, Superman meets Lois Lane, played brilliantly by Amy Adams, and he sees a hologram of his father that tells him what he must become. Just as we reach the one hour mark, it all goes horribly wrong. Zod appears in the sky and demands to see Superman, who freely chooses to go. This is what the film had been building up to- no film could, or would, drag a climax out over an hour and twenty minutes, would it? Clearly the Man of Steel crew can! Zod and his team come down to Earth and start fighting the US army and Superman which goes on and on and on until you fear your brain has turned in to guacamole!!! It isn't even proper fighting! They launch off walls and fly straight into each other, destroying half of the city and not even scratching themselves. The end came as a massive relief. But I was wrong. Zod suddenly reappeared and we were thrown in to another washing machine of boredom. When it finally did finish, I could not stand or feel anything. My head was throbbing with the sound of crashes and screams and it did not go away until the next morning. My recommendation? As the film is no longer at the cinema, buy it on DVD and watch the first hour because it is brilliant and is the only reason why I have given the film a 6. Then put it back in its box, unless you want to know what it feels like to drink a pans galactic gargelblaster! (For those who are not familiar with The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, it makes you feel like your head is being smashed by a brick strapped to a lemon!) I seriously believe that this film breaks the law in many ways by damaging anyone who watches it. Loved the first hour, and I'm never going to mention the rest of it again!