Nothing could save this...

Rating: 2/10 (15 January 2011)

I resisted for so long, but I figured it only fair to give "Mamma Mia" a fair hearing, and tried very hard to go in with an open mind. It is fair to say I'm no Abba fan, but I am a fan of some of the players in this film, and so thought there could be an element of watch-ability to this adaption of what I understand to be a popular musical. With that in mind, and understanding it was only supposed to be a light romp, I was ready to give it a fair go.
I was wrong, there was barely anything close to watchable about this attempt at a film. I say barely, because I did get a kick from watching those members of the cast who clearly treated this as a holiday, Julie Walters and Colin Firth, for example, having a great deal of fun on a Greek Island, generally messing about, singing Abba songs badly, and in Walters' case, I believe genuinely being at various stages of inebriation whilst filming.....throughout the entire production! We have Meryl Streep taking the whole thing far too seriously (I love Meryl's acting abilities, but here is not the place to be doing it like this), Colin Firth looking decidedly uncomfortable with every passing scene (the gradual realisation that he has signed up to make a piece of crap?), and everyone else (barring Julie Wlaters, as previously mentioned) giving a hugely forgettable, unfunny, and for the most part stupid performance.
This does not, however, include Pierce Brosnan. When I was told his singing is awful, I thought people were exaggerating, and even his performance of "S.O.S." is passable for a man who "can't sing". Of course, little did I know that he performs one of the closing numbers; did nobody, at any point, realise this was ear-bleedingly atrocious and think to overdub with....someone else?? It really IS that bad, and for this reason, I fear HIS performance will never be forgotten....sadly.
As musicals go (I would point out that I have no problem with, and even like a good musical), this is a disgrace to the genre. The idea is stupid, plot points created purely to crowbar more Abba songs in, and the story rapidly goes out the window anyway, the film quickly becoming a pastiche of a load of pretty good actors prancing about. Its colourfulness and playfulness become spirit-crushing and headache- inducing, and even for the most ardent Abba fan, I find it hard to believe the songs come through and save the day.
I am aware this review marks me out to be a grumpy, egotistical geek, and perhaps that is so, but make no mistake, I can do fun! I like fun, jolly romps, but I could not enjoy this film on any level, even an ironic "isn't this funny" one. No, it is not funny, I am getting bored, and TIRED! Jesus, this film drags! People moaned about the ending of "Return Of The King" being "too many endings", but at least the idea was to tie up all the characters' stories and actually close the film. "Mamma Mia" ends...then it ends...and then it seems to end again! I kid you not, I'm sure it must be close to ten minutes, waiting for the credits to roll. And all because we need more songs, apparently. I have never been this close to clawing my eyes out.
You couldn't pay me to put myself through this torture again.