Razzle Dazzle 'Em and They Won't Notice It's Awful

Rating: 1/10 (13 February 2009)

Hubby and I paid $4.99 to watch Mama Mia on Pay Per View last night and have decided we wasted $4. We're also grateful we didn't plunk down money on movie theatre tickets to see it. Thumbnail sketch of the film: A bunch of people with women's uncombed hair streaming and guys bare-chested (so's ya know they are 70's leftovers) run up and down the streets of a seaside village, singing. They are joined by happy peasants who also seem to know the song and the dance moves. The same bunch of people run up and down a pier singing a song that sounds like the first one, and end up in the water. The same bunch of people run around rocks and trees, singing a song that sounds like the first two. The same bunch of people run up and down the beach, singing a song that sounds like the first three. The same bunch of people run through a labyrinth of halls and rooms in some sort of seaside inn, singing a songyou get the idea by now. Three men visiting the seaside inn for a wedding run around the deck of a boat, singing for the bride-to-be, whom one of them has fathered years ago but not raised. The bride (omigosh!) ends up in the water. Who knew? The same bunch of people sit transfixed on the ground as three of them, ostensibly a female trio reunited for the wedding of one of their daughters, sing the songs that made them (in)famous.
ABBA's songs are round-pegged into the square holes of the screenplay, with laughably awkward song cues that smack of a Broadway stage setting. I guess it might have worked on Broadway. As for the volume competition between the accompanying background music and the singers, final score is Instruments 10, Singers 0. Given the vapid nature of the lyrics, this is not necessarily a bad decision on the part of the film-makers. All the manic music in the film sounds alike--well, shoot it's ABBA for heavens sake--except for a nice ballad sung by Streep and the bride, her daughter. One of ABBA's best tunes, "Fernando," was missing from the film. He probably died from a heart attack brought about by all that manic running, or maybe drowned off the boat or pier.
The actress playing the daughter has expressions that run the gamut from upset to VERY upset. The most active parts of her anatomy were her frowning forehead and wild eyes. Pierce Brosnan delivers a miscast performance that makes you wonder if he's contemplating strangling his agent, or throwing him off a pier or a boat.
I know that some commentators on IMDb thought the film was wonderful. "Chacun son gout." On the + side, Meryl Streep proves once again that she is a Protean actor who can really sing. Is there NO role this woman cannot play?