The winner takes it all, while the loser enjoys this awful crap. "Plan 9 From Sweden".

Rating: Null/10 (1 August 2008)

Dumb Dumb Diddle... Dumb Dumb Drivel. Knowing Bjorn, Knowing Benny, it must have been all about the Money, Money, Money. The very effeminate, almost gay Pierce Brosnan may be a true Dancing Queen (in the worst possible Baz Luhrman way), but wouldn't a woman have been better suited to that role? Voulez-Vous actually watch the vastly overrated, hideous, big-nosed Streep ravage those nice ABBA songs with her hellish voice? You do, you do, you do? Well, I Don't, I Don't, Most Definitely Don't. This must be the campiest, cheesiest, most absurd-looking movie to hit the screens (literally HIT the screens: like a high-speed 16-ton piece of turd) since... well, when was George Clooney's last movie released? If Brosnan and Streep are meant to be Fernando and Chiquitita, then I'm sorry that the lyrics to these songs don't end by having the title characters face a firing squad. ("Chiquititaaa, you'll be shot to deaaaaaaath...") A bloody end, with all the cast getting obliterated in a savage orgy of violence, might have saved this movie, giving the more intelligent viewer a sense that justice does exist in this world. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme A Gun After Midnight!
Bjornbenny continued where they had left off: with that awful "The Visitors" album. If the songs on that album were any indication, then it was clear all along that if Bennybjorn ever started doing something again, they'd do it quite badly. Even more simply put, Benny and Bjorn are two aged, bored dullards. We may have been able to forgive them for grinning like morons and dressing up like failed clowns, simply because they made great music, but their involvement with this should give ABBA fans the legal right to send them into a nice, quiet retirement home. (I volunteer to personally guard the keys.) Their career started with Waterloo and it ended with one.
Thank You For The Music, and thank you for this utter garbage. I may hate it now, but something tells me I might enjoy it as a true camp classic years down the road. "Battlefield Earth" and Ed Wood, move over!
But for now, I Do I Do I Do I Do want to destroy all copies of this film, and throw mud into the faces of everyone involved. Bang-A-Boomerang into the producers' collective heads...