This Movie Is Bad. Plain as That

Rating: 3/10 (28 July 2014)

I'm going to try to keep this as simple as possible. This movie is terrible. It is one of the most gruelling films I've ever had to sit through. You would think a concept such as taking an ABBA-inspired Broadway musical and adapting it to the big screen would be at least decent. But this film is so poorly executed in every scene that you can tell within ten minutes that all your hopes for this movie are gone.
So "Mamma Mia!" is about a young girl named Sophie who is about to get married. However, she doesn't know who her father is, and after reading her mother's diary, she deduces there are three possibilities as to the identity of her dad. So she invites all three to her wedding, much to her mother's displeasure, and now we have our movie. Literally there is no real plot to this film, we get that five minute set up and the rest of the film is just stupidity that ensues, and you know precisely where this is going. Daughter's going to have mixed feelings between "fathers", the mom is going to fall in love with one of them, and the dads are going to all try to connect with Sophie. You've seen this movie before, just in better quality. It's cheap, cliché, and boring. No one cares.
And there's another thing about this movie. I care for absolutely nobody. None of the characters strike my interest, none of them demand attention, and none of them are relatable because they are all acted so poorly. Meryl Streep and Amanda Seyfried are the only ones I can say actually tried in this film. But everyone else phones in false energy, painful smiles and typically awful singing, in particular Pierce Brosnan. I know the man isn't a stellar actor, but I at least enjoyed him in the Bond films. Here, I want to punch him. His character becomes one of the leads, but honestly he was the "father" I was least cared about, not to say I had much care for any of them.
Now, the singing. I was excited for this movie at the beginning honestly, because I enjoy musicals and ABBA's songs are always enjoyable. Well scratch "always" because I've found the exception. The pitches, the tones, the ranges, everything about this soundtrack screams for help. Pierce Brosnan has the worst singing voice I've ever heard an actor present on screen. Next time anyone complains about Russell Crowe in "Les Miserablés", show them this movie and see what they say afterwards.
I honestly don't have anything else to say about this film. It's so shallow and unappealing I don't even want to talk about it. Everything is bad. I will never watch this willingly ever again, and if I do by chance have to sit through it with a future girlfriend or something, I think I'll just plug in my iPod and play ABBA's original tracks over the musical numbers. At least that'll add some enjoyment to it.