This movie gave me cancer

Rating: 1/10 (27 January 2016)

This past summer my best friend and I had the fun idea, being ladies of the single variety, to have a girls day topped off with Magic Mike XXL. We went into the theater with high hopes, lots of popcorn, and the last of what we would later discover to be our sex drive.
What promise Channing Tatum's face brought, was completely robbed by this whiny, over- emotional, plot-lacking, and labedo-murdering film.
Come the second scene of the movie, you start to discover this movie wasn't made for you at all; seeing as you're not a fat, middle-aged woman who secretly dreams of being a drag queen. This movie was clearly intended for the LGBT and love-lost community and I have to applaud them in trying to reach the love-less audience, especially seeing as they surpassed their goal tremendously and succeeded in making the entire audience asexual.
Half way through the film my ovaries shrank and fell my out my butt. At which point I grew a penis, which also fell off. This film was by far the most sexually confusing, life-unsettling experience I have ever had. I went in with what was my best friend and upon leaving, we were strangers with no desire to move on. We could barely even leave the theatre.
My skin aged ten years and I lost the ability to bare children, which was actually fine since I won't be procreating any time soon anyway.
All the male strippers were whiny and annoying the whole movie, complaining about penis size and lack of romance in their lives. What do you expect? You decided to make a sequel.
It's no wonder Alex Pettyfer wasn't in the film (the only redeemable character from the first). I'm sure he's off somewhere living a happy, stress-free, sex-filled life. Lucky him. I mean, I would have even preferred to see a Mathew Mcconaghey's leathery ass doing anything. He got wise too. Now I'm here, with cancer, no sexual organs and a life of regret.
Overall I would say an amazing movie 10/10 would recommend.