HEDWIG famously possessed an ANGRY INCH . . .

Rating: 3/10 (7 July 2015)

. . . but MAGIC MIKE XXL's more like a sleepy centimeter. In a sense, XXL is a spoof of a spoof. This is a dull, pale imitation of cable TV's Cinemax Channel's porn parodies. Instead of simulating wild sex with clothes OFF, we have XXL lamely hinting (with clothes mostly ON) at things that may have seemed a trifle risqué in the 1890s. Though it was somewhat difficult to follow XXL's pointless plot amid the snores of the Bachelorette Party to my right, the main climax of this flick comes when Channing Tatum gets Amber Howard to smile (something he probably could have accomplished in Real Life 110 minutes sooner by simply dropping his drawers for her in Warner Bros.' family assist lavatory). This Snooze-Athon builds up to some sort of "competition" with NO winner, and NO opponents performing. XXL jumps the shark by bogging down for a seeming hour or two at Jada Pinkett Smith's bordello. Next it's over to Andie MacDowell's living room for another tedious eternity. (Smith and MacDowell no doubt are two of XXL's producers, or their molls.) Finally, Elizabeth Banks reprises her Queen of Snark role from the HUNGER GAMES and PITCH PERFECT series. Then the EMT's had to use paddles on one of the walker-bearing septuagenarian matrons seated to my left during this film to jump-start her awake enough to clear the theater.