Animation's Least Wanted Foursome Returns

Rating: 2/10 (6 December 2013)

Out of morbid curiosity I sat down and watched Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (2012). I had only seen the first Madagascar (2005) which I didn't like at all. The animation was awkward, the story just wasn't that interesting, the characters were annoying and the primary lessons was "don't eat your friends." This time around it seemed the makers wanted their public to gleefully swallow more absurd notions than a vegetarian lion. Hippos and giraffes can apparently fall in love; as can bears and lemurs, lions and cheetahs. Whatever floats your boat I suppose.
The plot revolves around the same four animals, Alex the lion (Ben Stiller), Marty the zebra (Chris Rock), Gloria the hippo (Jada Pinkett-Smith) and Melman the giraffe (David Schwimmer). This time the film starts in Africa as they await the arrival of the penguins (animals who also left the zoo from the first movie) to take them back to the zoo.
Apparently in the movie I didn't see Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (2008), the penguins had created a crude aircraft that could fly to Monte Carlo but didn't bring the main characters for some unknown reason. Fearing they were abandoned, the four, along with their lemur compatriots, make their arduous journey to Monte Carlo, which meant they would have had to walk through the thick jungles of central Africa then trek across the world's largest desert, then swim the width of the Mediterranean. But hey why focus on that when with one screen dissolve they're there! Convenient.
The foursome manage to sneak into a Monte Carlo casino where the penguins and their monkey friends are winning it big. Things get hairy. The fuzz is called and we are introduced to our main villain Captain DuBois (Frances McDormand) a psychotic, seemingly unstoppable animal control agent. From there the movie just throws everything including the kitchen sink at you in fast procession. A nuclear reactor, a flying machine, an Edith Piaf song that can cure broken bones, a flying circus with a new glut of characters is introduced Jesus movie! Can't you slow down enough to explain anything? Now don't be thinking I have a lack of imagination here because I don't personally believe a hippo can fit through an air-duct. All I'm saying is if you want to violate the laws of physics that much you should keep it consistent. Why don't the animals simply swim to New York? Why don't they use the nuclear reactor they just happen to have to go back in time before they ever left? Why not break into the CERN Hadron collider in Geneva and make their particle mass resemble that of an electron then travel to New York near the speed of light? They're in the neighborhood after all.
In conclusion, just don't waste your time with Europe's Most Wanted. If you have kids and care about their future, don't expose them to this dreck. If you do, you might as well get used to raising a child who thinks all complex problems can be solved by acrobatics and a Katy Perry song.
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