Ruined in the First 10 Minutes by Charlize Theron

Rating: Null/10 (16 August 2015)

What do you get when you cross the undeserved and awkward haughtiness of Katherine Heigl with the laughable seriousness with which Natalie Portman conducts herself?
Charlize Theron.
Why do people keep reinforcing this stupid delusion Charlize Theron has that she's tough? 15 shots in a row of her giving a stern look to the camera followed by an ironic pan-out to demonstrate the character wasn't actually aware of a camera and was just looking in a mirror isn't good film-making; it's laughable.
Bad music video laughable.
I seriously want to know what demographic keeps Charlize's action career going. Watching another one of these ego-boosting PR shoots is almost as painful as sitting through anything with Scarlett Johansson, but at least Charlize can act when she's not casting herself as another fierce, fresh, fearsome heroine du jour.
Actually, I have another f-word to describe Charlize's action-movie career: f****** awful.
It takes more than a sh***y robot-arm and a disgusting boy-hair- style shaved head to look like a badass. Fight the patriarchy on your own time, Charlize; don't waste mine.
In any case, something must be totally lost in translation between Hollywood and normal people these days; everything is so imbued with fugly stoners, nerdy super-hero crap, or androgynous hipster fantasy that I don't find anything believable.