Bring in Zero Stars!

Rating: 1/10 (22 September 2015)

I either watch a movie all the way through or decide its crap early and turn it off. However, this movie was so bad that I actually found myself watching it in stunned disbelief, unwilling to turn off in case I missed a bit of the (almost) entertaining dreadfulness. Where do I start? So, a group of randy 13-year-old nerds who, up to the time they were summoned, spent their lives playing violent computer games in their darkened bedrooms get called up by a major Hollywood studio to write and direct the new Mad Max movie.
So far so good, I guess.
Kids basically want to include three things: cool cars, gory death; and semi-naked babes (they are 13 remember; their vocab is limited) in situations where their clothes come off a lot. And all of this put to screeching death-metal soundtracks. Hollywood studio agrees. Car are designed that look like doodles done during an LSD trip. The most over-the-top death stunts are cooked up (and these kids have lived their lives playing Grand Theft, so they're good at this bit). A bunch of nubile models is recruited and then hosed down a few times to test if their clothes become see through. They do. Good to go. They're only 13, so now comes the tricky part, putting this great movie together. Nah, more fun to just throw it up in the air and see what comes down.
Ah, one nubile semi-clad female seems to have ended up playing the Mad Max role. Was that intended? Never mind. They plough on. Yikes. No one told us this was a world without water!!! We've got the bestest scene ever of a mountain-full of water being poured out into the sand! We want it kept in! And the nubile chicks! Their t-shirts need to be hosed down with water too! Ahhhh. Don't make us lose the wet T-shirt scene! Lose the rest (coherent plot, good acting, engaging dialogue, realistic setting, or emotional impact) but keep the wet T- shirts!
Hollywood studio wonders if recruiting 13-year-old to write their movies was such a good idea, but agree to the terms: plot out, wet T- shirts in.
Huh.
People are fooled. Money rolls in. So, onto the next big budget franchise movie... Anyone know any 10- year-olds?