Move along, REALLY nothing to see here!

Rating: 1/10 (24 February 2006)

So, where do I start when describing how bad this film is? I'll start by talking of its good points. Somehow an amazing cast was put together and, for the most part, they make the best of what they have got.
So ends the good points. And onto the bad.
Have you seen Yojimbo? Or its remakes, A Fistful of Dollars and Last Man Standing? Have you seen the Usual Suspects? Have you seen Snatch? Yes? Then you really don't need to see this film.
As far as the story is concerned, this film is basically Yojimbo, with elements ripped off from the other two aforementioned films, just not done as well. It is made apparent early on that we have some twists in store at the end, but any film-savvy viewer should be able to guess these by the end of reel two.
But, you can forgive a bad story if it is supported by a great script.
Oh, dear.
Unfortunately, it seems the writer has watched a lot of noirs in preparation, but really hasn't the talent to back it up. If you are masochistic enough to want to watch this film, here is an example of the type of dialogue you're going to "enjoy" (I must stress, this is not actual dialogue from the film, merely an example of the style of dialogue):.
Person A: So, how are you feeling today?.
Person B: How am I feeling today?.
Person A: Yeah, how are you you feeling today?.
Person B: I'm feeling fine.
Person A: You're feeling fine?.
Person B: Yeah, I'm feeling fine.
This, and other padding-out techniques (for a great example, watch the scene where the Rabbi's henchmen pick up Slevin for the first time), makes me think that the first draft of the script must have come in around sixty pages. Then the writer panicked and what we're seeing is the second draft. If, after listening to this repetitive, irritating nonsense for ten minutes, you don't want to choke the living crap out of the writer and director, you're a better man than me.
Add all this to cinematography that seems to have been put together by a 5-year-old with ADD and you have one of the most irritating films put out this year (I know it's early, but I think this is a safe bet).
How they managed to pull this cast together, I don't know. And you would have thought Willis would have steered clear, regardless of the quality, as he was the lead in Last Man Standing, a much better telling of this type of story. And seeing Mykelti Williamson and Stanley Tucci take the roles they have in this movie just makes me want to cry. These are two highly underutilised actors who deserve a lot better.
Take the above ingredients, sprinkle with continuity errors, and you have the recipe for one bad movie (and that's bad-bad, not good-bad).
Avoid.