Christmas Makes Everyone Actually CLINICAL

Rating: 4/10 (11 August 2016)

I was sick and fragile today. What did IMDb recommend as I sifted through films starring Colin Firth? Love Actually.
I'm going to write badly about Love Actually because it seems no one cared to write Love Actually well.
Insanity Actually, We-Just-Met-&-Then-Married Actually, Vom-in-Your-Mouth Actually, any of these would have been acceptable titles. Just a tiny, tiny taste of how bonkers it is: Billy Bob Thornton, the same Billy Bob Thornton who so delicately captured Sling Blade, plays a grabby POTUS and Hugh Grant (lol, the Prime Minister) calls off "friendship" between the US and England in a press conference as an act of romantic revenge.
There are just so many romantic plot lines going on that each story is compressed (see: crumpled), filling each with the "good stuff", and by that I mean the most fatuous, most bombastic romantic fireworks. If you need romance to happen NOW, and NOW, and NOW again, you might feel okay watching this.
If you don't subscribe to the love-at-first-sight thing, watch out (!), or watch something else...just don't watch Love Actually. Otherwise you'll get hit over the head with something you don't subscribe to.
If you want to believe in LOVE, love that endures, love that doesn't just present itself 20 times in the same trip to the super market, love between only two people in the world endlessly, love, actually...steer clear.