If you haven't seen this film yet, don't. I've watched it for you.

Rating: Null/10 (4 October 2011)

This is the worst film I've ever seen. No, actually that isn't fair. I've seen Troll 2 and The Room but they are so bad that they don't really count as films. This monster has a budget, and movie stars, and music and other things to distract you from looking it right in the eyes and seeing the horror. I'm partly to blame; I paid to see this at the cinema all those years ago. It shot itself in the head in the first minute or so with an ill-advised voice-over, then flat-lined a few minutes later with a scene in a church that, for the life of me, I cannot delete from my memory, in spite of all the damage it may be doing to my subconscious. I spent the rest of that viewing looking around at other people, wondering why they were laughing, wondering if I was dreaming. Some weren't laughing, a few walked out, which gave me some hope in humanity. I didn't leave, I stuck it out and took it like a man. Mistake. You want to see scars? Look at my face when someone asks me what I think about this film.
If you haven't seen this film yet or you have and you're going to watch it again, do it if you must. If you do though, don't be distracted. Listen carefully and look, look the monster right in the eyes and see it: The horror.