The all-time stinker

Rating: Null/10 (25 March 2004)

English critics have recently cited the new film, The Sex Life of the Potato Men, as the worst British film ever made. I haven't seen that film, but I doubt their judgement...because I've just seen LOVE, ACTUALLY, and I refuse to believe there was, or ever will be, a worse film than this one: vulgar, trashy, mawkish, toe-curlingly embarrassing dialogue, wooden cliche characters, no discernible plot, nauseating child actor, unfunny and puerile jokes, sycophancy to the US market for the bucks - what more can you ask for to proclaim it the all time stinker. Furious that I had paid $3 to watch the video on the strength of the famous actors - Emma Thompson, Hugh Grant, Bill Nighy, Rowan Atkinson, Martine McCutcheon, Alan Rickman, Martin Freeman, Colin Firth, Liam Neeson etc. etc. I stuck it out to the end to see if even one of them gave a moment of pleasure or even one genuine laugh. They can only be considered a pack of artistic whores to involve themselves in such an abomination, prostituting their talent, clearly only for the money. Let this be a warning that if you haven't seen it, don't touch it with a barge pole or you'll feel as ripped off as I was.