Two Hours of Nothing

Rating: 3/10 (5 November 2010)

I didn't absolutely hate this movie, but it had some real problems. It's a mish-mash of vignettes that lead nowhere with absolutely no development of the characters or their relationships.
To begin, there is the dorky British bloke who flies to America looking for sex, and literally just after he arrives, has a group of beautiful women ripping his clothes off...ha ha, end of story. There is also the grieving widower, who happens to meet the lust of his life, a look-alike Claudia Schiffer...ha ha, end of story. There's also the shy porn actor who musters up the courage to ask out his co-star who he just shagged...ha ha, end of story. While these are cute little "what if" stories, this is where they start and end, each taking about 3.4 minutes of screen time, or actually wasting 3.4 minutes of my life.
Other story lines are disturbing, and do not work well in a rom-com. There's Laura Linney who uses her emotionally imbalanced brother as an excuse for not having a life of her own. Then there's the little boy who, instead of grieving over his recently departed mother, only cares about being noticed by the popular girl at school who he's never even spoken to. There's also the story of the guy stalking newlywed Kiera Knightley by going to her home (with her husband in the next room) and declaring his undying love for her by flashing a picture of a decomposing mummy. And what rom-com would be complete without the exhibitionist, drug-addicted, washed-up rockstar who emotionally abuses his manager one minute and declares his gay love for him the next? Instead, the movie should have focused on the stronger story lines involving Colin Firth, Alan Rickman and Hugh Grant - none of which were properly developed.