I Was Lost in the Eyes of Scarlett and Bill

Rating: 8/10 (4 September 2005)

This is a film, written and directed by Nicolas Cage's cousin, about either absolutely nothing or absolutely everything. Two strangers meet in Japan where nobody speaks English - not even subtitles - and both conspire to cheat on their spouse, though neither of them admits it or ever really acts on it. Bill Murray plays a washed-up alcoholic actor who suffers a mid-life crisis and enjoys long walks on the beach. Scarlett Johannsson also stars, being primarily a scantily-clad young vixen who is placed in this film for no really obvious reason other than to sexually frustrate the male audience for months on end. Despite the fact she is hideously deformed in real life, her Hollywood beauty shines through in this film. Anna Faris appears playing Cameron Diaz and being just ditsy enough not to be appealing or interesting. Lots of really cool things happen, but the bottom line is that life is simply a series of phases - in one, you love ponies - in a second, it's photography - and in the third phase, you lust over a wrinkled old lush twice your age. This movie is really highly recommended by both myself and the critics, though damned if I know why.