Slower than a trip to the dentist

Rating: 3/10 (29 July 2005)

Someone here wrote "The crucial word in all this is subtlety. The explosions of colour and sound that are used to portray Japan, are juxtaposed perfectly with the quiet, nervous, glances and words shared by the main actors. You can almost see what they are thinking, and read the confusion and turmoil that they are experiencing, at the same time as the pure pleasure and enjoyment of each other's company." Yeah, I didn't understand what they were talking about either. To me, it sounded a little like "The emperor's bright clothes are juxtaposed perfectly with his dark boots"...
If you like plot-driven movies, don't waste your time. It's just introspective images again and again and again. You may accuse me of being dull and having a short attention span, but it's quite the other way around: I quickly understood that the two characters feel alienated and disenchanted. I didn't need repetitive shots of Scarlett in the tub or looking out the window to get the point.
And after I got the point, I was looking forward to something actually happening with it. Surprise, nothing does. Instead, I get beaten over the head with the "We're so lonely, no one here understands us, but we understand each other" shtick. Not only is that horribly cliché, but it's nothing that I want to spend another 2 hours of my life watching.
And I willingly rented this thing... that's right, I didn't expect any car chases or explosions. I was hoping to get the story of two strangers connecting and at least attempting to solve their problems together to teach some kind of new lesson to me. But the only moral I got was "There are people you have fun with. Then they have to go away." Very profound, but I learned that when I graduated from high school. And yeah, I knew that "you can never get the perfect person" bit too.
Finally, Peter Travers, did you watch this movie high? That's the only explanation I can think of for your "Flat Out Hilarious!" comment branded on the back of the box. Okay, there were some chuckle moments. But I really must've missed the hilarious ones. I wish I could say I slept through them... that would have been less of a waste of time.
3 stars... all for Scarlett's performance.