The worst film I have ever seen

Rating: 1/10 (5 October 2003)

I should preface this review by saying that my husband and I both have advanced degrees, and we see 50+ independent films a year. So filmic subtlety is not lost on us. We drove for an hour through horrendous traffic to see this highly-rated film, yet this is the only movie in 25 years of adult moviegoing that we have ever walked out of. It reminded me of the worst excesses of 60's French New Wave. Long stretches of people staring. Long stretches of silence and monosyllables. More long stretches of loud noise and incomprehensible voices. Short cut-in scenes that advanced the story (what there was of it) and characters not a bit. We get it; we get it--these people are ALIENated. Big deal.
Can I care about two people who are supposed to be intelligent, yet they can't think of a thing to do to amuse themselves in one of the world's major cities? Can I believe in a young woman who's supposed to be a recent philosophy graduate of Yale, who can't think of anything to do with her time but stare out the window of her expensive hotel? Can I believe this same young woman came to Tokyo with her working husband, yet seems totally at a loss when he actually leaves to work? Can I believe that someone who is interested in philosophy so much that she majors in it in college can only be happy bar hopping, dancing, smoking weed, and singing karaoke? Can I believe that a faded Hollywood star who is being paid 2 million dollars for a commercial would come to Tokyo absolutely alone, without even an aide of any kind?
And most of all, can I call a film that does nothing more than follow these two hapless and uninteresting people around for several days without a trace of drama or art profound?
I think not. Don't waste your money. This is one of those rare instances when I can only conclude that there is some vast critical conspiracy to hoodwink the American public. Surprise! The emperor has no clothes.