"I'm pacing myself, Captain"

Rating: 1/10 (26 February 2004)

Reviewer: Ilya Stone (see more about me) from Temple, TX United States Spoiler Some people have complained this is a dull, boring film. Others say this is simply a slow-paced artful film that only sensitive intelligent folks will get. Is LIT one of the latter?
In LIT, Scarlett Johansson portrays Sofia Coppola in this apparently autobiographical film. In the film, Johannson sits around in her hotel most of the time (in TOKYO!!!), despondent over her failing marriage to her emotionally distant photographer husband (ie.Coppola's ex - Spike Jonze). He seems to enjoy the lighthearted phony company of Cameron Diaz....I mean, the character who plays a Diaz-like actress. Anyway Charlotte (that's the Johannson/Coppola character) rolls her eyes whenever she speaks, so we the viewers, will know to prefer the less-vulgar and sensitive Charlotte. Why cannot her husband see that his own wife, while displaying no intelligent ideas or thoughts or emotions, is the preferrable one to hang around with?! I mean, Charlotte IS beautiful, but like many beautiful women she is actually VERY sad. She admits to Bob (more about him later) that she has no idea what she wants to do and her various artistic endevours are "mediocre". She has tried photography (apparently not out of love for the medium, but rather to "find herself"), and still her photographer-husband cannot seem to connect with her. What is HIS problem?! Anyway, because of all this, she sits day after day in her hotel room. (BTW, did I mention she's in Tokyo?). Eventually, she picks up with dull-man #2, Bob (played with even more hound-dog-face than usual by Bill Murray - STILL one of my heroes, despite this venture). You see, Bob is a movie star who is going through a "mid life crisis" as Charlotte puts it. Whatever THAT is, exactly, is never really displayed. Anyway, Bob is being paid 2 million dollars for 2 days work on a whiskey commercial, but he remains sad, as he truly wishes he were "Doin' a play somewhere". Aside from this deep display of love of theater (and strong argument for the revival of Communism), Bob is confused by all these funny people around him. For one thing, they talk funny. And what they are saying, nobody knows! Well, these funny-faced people constantly get up in Bob's face and jibber-jabber all the time!! Why won't they stop?! They talk on and on, but the funny-faced translator says next to nothing....just like the bugs bunny cartoon on the Pacific island. Regardless, these people are truly frustrating!! Will someone please make them act normal! What is it you call them again? Anyway, Charlotte hooks up with Bob at the hotel bar after their glazed eyes meet, and they soon become the dullard-duo. She teases him with insightful cliche's about his probably wanting to buy a Porshe. He concurs he is lame. Later, they sing bad karoke together, while the viewer's mind begins to wander about how nice it would be to drive a Porshe. Meanwhile, their encounters continue with the energy of terminally-ill cancer patient. You see, Bob has a shallow life...I mean Wife. We know she is shallow, because she is only concerned over picking the right carpet color. This is illustrated in a long scene where Bob cannot seem to choose from carpet square samples over himself and the floor, as he further succumbs to a barely-breathing motif of wealth does not equal happiness. Still not convinced of our hero's circumstance? Well get an earful of his deathbed rendition of Roxy Music's "More Than This", which he sings as if he has never heard (how cool to be uncool, eh?). Anyway, Bob and his newfound glob seem to connect, despite their decades-separated mix of world-weary apathy and beautiful-but-misunderstood depression. Unfortunately, all this must soon come to end. You see...aside from some kids he's squeezed out, Bob must go back to pick out that carpet square in person. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...Bob has 2 kids back home. Anyway, our heroes eventually part without saying the appropriate soulful goodbyes, so Bob chases down our mallrat-with-undeserved-money-and-opportunity until he finds her...and soulfully....kisses her. Then, he wanders off with the activity of a digestive tract, presumably only to be seen on various subway ads. She smiles and cries. The audience smiles and cries. I cry. Then we all try to get the DVD back to Hollywood video ASAP so we can get a buck back.

Want to see a GOOD "pointless" movie about 2 people connecting in Japan? Try the absolutely beautiful "Hiroshima Mon Amour". All the arty-farty you'll ever need, but time well spent. Plus, it ain't racist. Want another good film? Try "Being John Malkovich" by Spike Jonze. IT'S excellent! AND it has a great performance by Cameron Diaz!