Live Free of this Die Hard movie

Rating: 1/10 (31 October 2009)

Thanks To IMDb's silly rule about lengthy reviews I will get straight to the point of this review of why I believe this is a pathetic attempt at a Die Hard movie.
1. Claustrophobia is a staple of Die Hard movies. This movie has no claustrophobia, no time restraint so you could easily tire of watching it. The thing last three days for goodness sakes. Contradictory to Die Hard plots.
2. No Profanity. I don't care if a movie has no cursing or not but this is a DIE HARD movie. There should have been some profanity because that is the Die Hard's character.
3. Lack of suspense. The previous Die Hard movies were great at this but this movie seemed to be created for people that suffer from ADD. It moves from clumsy action set piece to clumsy action set piece to the point where it begins to feel as if Michael Bay directed this movie.
4. Lousy villain. The previous entries had great villains that still hold up well after these years. Hans Gruber, Simon Peter Gruber and Col Stuart are all excellent villains but Thomas Gabriel(Timothy Olyphant) is a sissified wimp(who looks like a reject model from Abercrombie & Fitch) that spends most of the movie avoiding confrontation with McClane. Steve Buscemi's front teeth are more intimidating than this guy.
5. Action sequences are obscenely over the top. Over the top action sequences are a staple of Die Hard movie also but they were never this over the top. McClane jumping on top of a fighter jet? McClane sliding down a concrete embankment without getting hurt? Who writes this stuff? Akiva Goldsman?
6. McClane never felt like McClane. Bruce Willis spent the whole movie looking like he's doing improv instead of playing a real character. There is no trace of the grumpy anti-hero cop we all fell in love with in 1988 in this movie. Turning him into some ignorant ape that is anti-technology was insulting to a fault.
7. No chemistry with the co-star Justin Long. Bruce Willis and Samuel Jackson were great in Die Hard With A Vengeance(the best sequel in the Die Hard series hands down). Plus knowing the character of Zeus Carver made that movie all the more intriguing. Zeus also helped McClane solved those riddles and helped him in finding Simon's whereabouts. There is nothing to that effect here with Justin Long. He never really helps Mclane, he is annoying and Bruce seems like he's about ready to slap the guy senseless at any moment. Think Rob Schnieder and Sly Stallone in Judge Dredd for a perfect comparison of Bruce Willis and Justin Long in this movie.
8. No great lines. Die Hard 1-3 had the most memorable lines in action movie history. The lines in this movie sound as if they written by fan film making geeks with waaaay too much time on their hands. "I'm gonna kill this guy and get my daughter back"."My name is Daisy Duke, I got a lot s--- for it in school so please don't add to it" Lame!
9. This Film is blue. No I don't mean depressing. I mean you forgot to take off the lens filter you idiot blue. Die Hard works well in earthy colors not in blue screen. Felt like a was watching a fan film that thought it was really cooler than what it really was.
There you have it. The reasons why this movie sucks. Weak action sequences , wimpy metrosexual villain, lousy henchmen and Bruce has no chemistry with co-star. Plus what chucklehead actually thought Len Wiseman(or Len Dumbkid) was good enough to direct a Die Hard movie anyway? This movie is tailor-made for the MTV generation(The ADD generation). If you have the original 3 Die Hard movies you're all set. The fact that this monstrosity is so highly rated on IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes is proof that both of these sites lost their credibility a long time ago. Thumbs down.