The Last Action Hero Is Officially DEAD!

Rating: 3/10 (2 July 2007)

Now I could go on and write you a long summary of the movies plot. But you already know what the movie is about and the only reason you are reading this is because you want to know what I thought of the movie...
That is what a review is.
The story line was okay, and would have been better under a different name, but certainly not Die Hard. It was like watching Swordfish only with more action.
This McClain was more like the recent cops that Bruce Willis has played (Ergo Hartigan from Sin City, and Jack Mosley from 16 blocks). An old tired beat cop who just wants to take it easy and get a promotion.
The action sequences are very tired, and boring. Certainly nothing like crawling through an elevator shaft barefoot, or getting ejected out of a cockpit before it explodes, or even hanging off a bridge by a steel cable as a truck is about ready to swing onto a boat.
Nay, it is mostly machine guns, explosions, and fisticuffs. Nothing that no one has seen before. Not that all of those aren't important to the Die Hard Franchise, but at least in the previous movies they were all larger then life.
The dialog is bland as well. There is no wisecracking McClain. His chemistry with Justin Long is... Eh. After a while it felt more like watching "I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC". Long is the hip and with it, and Willis is old and outdated.
Olyphant as the antagonist was boring as well. His character was more of a whiny emo anti-hero then an actual bad guy. Which is a trend we see more and more in movies; having the conflicted character who sees things differently then an actual bad guy.
There was of course some humour to the film, Kevin Smith's character basically made the film...
The end of the movie was very dry and without any type of excitement. It just ended...
The best way for me do describe it would be to compare it to the previous three films...
Die Hard - McClain pulls a gun taped to his his back and with only two shots left, pops the bad guy in the head and Hans in the shoulder and while Hans is dangling from the edge of the Towers, McClain unlatches Holly's watch and we see Hans slowly falling to his death. Very epic
Die Hard II - McClain, opens the fuel line of the plane and falls to the ground after getting into a fist fight with Col. Stewrart on the wing of said plane and then ignites the fuel with his trusty zippo while uttering the famous Yippe Kay Ya, and blows up all the bad guys while making a landing light for Holly. Unbelievable? Unlikely? Yes and YES, but it's DIE HARD for goodness sake!
Die Hard III - Looks Simon in the eye as Simon is shooting at him from the helicopter with a machine gun, says the Yippe Kay Ya, and shoots the power line causing it to get tangled in the rotor blades, causes Simon to die in a fiery death.
Die Hard VI - Mumbles the Yippy Kay Ya Mother (f garbled mumbled line) shoots himself through the shoulder and kills the bad guy. Nothing epic, and just kinda ends with the possibility of the most unlikely dating scenario you could ever think of.
So basically this is what we get. A no chain smoking, no f-bombing, no wise cracking McClain. A bad guy who really isn't a bad guy, but instead is some cranked off computer nerd trying to get even with the government for not buying him a pony... er wait, for not listening to him. And a PG13 rating so kids can see it.
IF KIDS WERE ABLE TO SEE THE FIRST THREE RATED R FILMS, AND OBVIOUSLY LIKED THEM ENOUGH TO SEE A FOURTH ONE, WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD YOU WATER IT DOWN TO PG-13??? So, there is my review. Die Hard in name only, and would have been a good story had it not been a Die Hard Movie...