Friends don't let friends see Lilo and Stitch...

Rating: 1/10 (23 June 2002)

I have no idea what movie most of these reviewers saw, but it wasn't this one. Before last night, the worst movie that I had ever paid money to see was the "Joey Tribiane"-led Lost in Space.
Lilo and Stitch is worse.
This would have been a great 20-minute cartoon. Stitch is an interesting enough character, and the family that he joins is very real, with real personalities and real problems. Lilo acts like a real child, and her quirks are endearing. Then the whole thing goes to H-E-double-hockey-sticks.
First of all, Disney's marketing force goes into full drive with the introduction of a couple of aliens who try to recapture Stitch. They exist solely to sell toys. They add absolutely nothing to the plot, and get very tired very quickly.
I can hear it now--"But it's an *adult* humor movie!" First of all, part of this is correct, in that your children will probably not get much of this film. The "blue period" that dominates the middle section of the movie is too heavy for young kids, and no, mouthing the catchphrases does not mean that your precocious little one gets it.
The worst thing, however, is its inability to decide how serious it wants to be. The plot flies from serious, melodramatic "After-School Special" drama to slapstick so base that the Three Stooges wouldn't touch it in the course of about five seconds. Plot holes were closed by what seemed to be the first suggestion (no matter how ludicrous) that flew out of someone's piehole in a boardroom.
I don't look for Hamlet when I go to a Disney movie. I do expect, however, that the quality of the plot and story will surpass a undergraduate screenwriting class. Lilo and Stitch doesn't even come close. If you want to see a good Disney movie, then wait for Monsters, Inc. to come out on DVD, and save your money on this dog.