Seinfeld's "English Patient"

Rating: 1/10 (24 March 2013)

If you ever saw the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine can't stand the movie "The English Patient" yet everyone else does--but cannot explain why--this fits "Life of Pi" exactly.
I suppose I am so anti-mystic that this would be inevitable. There are no lessons here for life, nor any enjoyment of watching someone else battle the world. The movie starts out as if it is going to chronicle a "man against the world" story. But it progressively becomes untenable to hold on to that idea as weirder and weirder things happen. It became so mystical I could barely stand to watch it. And of ALL THINGS dumb, 10 minutes of the camera focusing on someone talking about what you just saw right in the middle of the movie! BORING!!! You watch a movie to tantalize your eyes--this does not. My kids were asking when this would EVER end.