Have you all lost your bloody minds?!

Rating: 3/10 (23 May 2007)

In the immortal - although very paraphrased - words of Lieutenant Dane: "*Life* is *beautiful*? Well, kiss my crippled ass!"
The first hour or so of this movie felt like being invited to a fancy dinner party in some beautiful restaurant in Toscana and having to spend the entire evening next to some socially challenged, annoying moron with delusions of charm and an inability to ever shut up. The second hour of the film is basically identical except now it's set in a concentration camp. So basically, the film is two hours of unfunny jokes with a Holocaust backdrop thrown in to make it critic-proof. How sad.
Imagine a six-year old trapped in the body of a middle-aged Italian man on a steady diet of Red Bull and Ecstasy - that's how I'd describe Roberto Benigni's "characterization" of the film's star, Guido. He even has trouble stopping himself from laughing at his own wit at times (although referring to Benigni's humour as "wit" is like calling Xzibit an accomplished thespian. I'm not even sure it can be called "humour" - it's almost insulting to such masters of the genre as Adam Sandler or Owen Wilson). I guess this is how you win an Oscar these days. If you want to see a truly good performance from a comedian playing a foreigner, look no further than Sacha Baron Cohen's "Borat" which was released last year (I'm just telling you this in case you've been living under a rock for some time, or if you're from Ohio - in that case, I'm sorry). At least in that film, the main character was *supposed* to be mildly retarded, while in Benigni's movie the lead makes you unsure if you should laugh or cry as he hogs up precious screen time with his oh-so-hilarious antics. Sacha Baron Cohen was, by the way, almost completely ignored by the Academy. Go figure.
The film's plot is about one man trying to make life less unbearable for a little doe-eyed kid throughout their stay in a concentration camp. They don't arrive at the concentration camp, however, before one excruciating hour of Benigni's constant mugging and a love story that rings so false it would make even Michael Bay retch. The second hour of the film is considerably less light-hearted than the first but just as boring, repetitive and unrealistic. In reality, a guy like Guido wouldn't have survived a week in a concentration camp. Chances are if the Nazis didn't kill him first, the other Jews would have, if only to shut him up for once. Just how the hell did Guido manage to keep Doe-Eyed Child Actor hidden from the Nazis for so long? The film can't possibly be supposed to be serious - it's too implausible - and it's not nearly funny enough to be a comedy. What a mess.
The film only hints at the true horrors of the Holocaust and never really shocks or disturbs you. It doesn't say anything that we didn't already know about this tragedy and the unfunny jokes only make it more offensive. Ask yourself this: does Jim Carrey have anything to do in a film about the Holocaust? I thought not. Does a second-rate hack with only a shred of Carrey's comic talent but with the same urge to mug and overact have anything to do in a film about the Holocaust?? I think not!
All this aside, the film is competently made in most other aspects, with some beautiful scenery and a not-too-awful score. Other than that this is an embarrassing and inexplicably acclaimed ego-trip. The only truly funny thing about this disaster is how everyone is calling it a masterpiece and actually believe that the Oscars were well deserved! Oh well, people loved "Crash", too (Paul Haggis' 'RACISM SUCKS' epic, not the one where James Spader has sex with a leg wound). Honestly, this film is so corny I'm surprised aliens didn't etch secret messages in it with their rayguns. How can you hand out a Best "Foreign" Picture Oscar to a flick that ends with a freeze frame of a mother hugging her child? Seriously, a FREEZE FRAME? Give me a break or some insulin because this is too much sugar for me.
In conclusion, this film is manipulative, completely unrealistic, offensively stupid and features one of the least likely love stories ever. And it's unfunny. Dreadfully, hopelessly, comatose-ly unfunny. This coming from a person who could find something to laugh at in "Scary Movie 2". Trust me, I laugh very easily at various kinds of comedies, and "Life is Beautiful" is easily one of the worst movies ever to win an Oscar.
And please don't call me insensitive, heartless, or soulless... I don't call you a tasteless, easily manipulated sheep, now do I?
Finally, I'd just like to say that Benigni has one of the scariest smiles I've ever seen. Think Jack Nicholson, Tom Cruise and Rip Torn combined times a hundred. Every time his mouth twisted into one of his well-practiced, sh!t-eating grins (and this happens almost every twenty seconds throughout the movie, so don't worry, you won't miss it) I had an overwhelming urge to run from the room screaming. Avoid this movie.