More like "Death," am I right?!

Rating: 4/10 (15 April 2017)

I learned a few things while watching Life. First, there are no shoes in space, or at least if you bring your shoes into space you don't wear them. You do wear boots when you go outside in space, or maybe rather out into space, from being inside a space station or space craft. Then again, what does it mean to "go outside" if you're already in space? What's beyond the edge of the universe, anyway?
However, I do think everyone gets a pair of space boots in space, but I'm not sure whether you have to wear them on the way up or whether you can just put them in your space luggage and keep them stowed until it's time to actually go out into space. Oh, and space socks are just regular socks, it seems, but they must keep the thermostat pretty low in space stations because most people wear their socks when they're inside. It is totally unclear to me, however, whether you should wear socks under your space boots when you go outside, because there are lots of cosmic rays that heat you up quickly and it would be counterproductive to the whole space- suit-coolant feature of a space suit.
Oh, I digress.
I also learned we now appear to have a new movie genre, maybe the first since Torture Porn. It's called "Humans Act Like Idiots in Space and Get Killed by Heretofore Previously Undiscovered Alien Life." In fact, "Life" could have, and probably should have been, titled "Death," or "Everyone Dies," or "Crappy Movie."
Life is dark, and life is a jerk. Life likes to penetrate your mouth with its tentacles.
Jake Gyllenhaal is a terrible actor. The soundtrack is far too grandiose and bombastic. It all ends with one of the most obvious and telegraphed plot twists of all time.
Don't waste your life on Life!