Intelligent Octopus

Rating: 1/10 (14 June 2017)

--Spoilers Ahead--
This is a movie about a really smart Octopus from Mars. His name is Calvin. He starts out as a single cell organism that has been frozen in the Martian dirt for Billions of years. The really smart scientists in the ISS orbiting the Earth catch him in a baseball glove as he's flying through the air in a baseball that has been thrown from Mars. They then raise the temp of the dirt from the seams of the baseball and Calvin comes to life. Then they decide he's really great cause they have been dreaming of aliens from Mars since they were all kids and saw Mars Attacks at the movies. They all love Calvin, he's the best! But oh, oh, Calvin gets really angry after putting on a little more weight and size and gets tired of the really smart scientists screwing with him, so he crushes his favorite really smart scientist's hand into jello. Oh, my! Actually I think he's just mad 'cause nobody fed him since he's been on the ISS. Anyway he starts being really mean and decides since there's no octopus food in the ISS, he's just gonna eat the food that's available. That would be the really smart scientists.
Soon we discover that the really smart scientists aren't really too smart, neither was the writer of the movie, or the... well, anybody involved in bringing this mess to the screen. Because we have to suspend our beliefs and logic as we watch Calvin outsmart the really smart scientists over and over again. One RSS(really smart scientist) tries to burn Calvin alive with a blow torch but Calvin is a Super Octopus and he's invulnerable to anything that kills other carbon based life. So while he's surviving the blow torch, the Halon fire suppression system activates and Calvin escapes into the Halon pipe before it closes. The problem here is that he went into a system full of a gas that completely removes Oxygen from the air, this is a closed system with no way for Super Calvin to escape, the outer valve is closed and there is nothing but Halon tanks at the other end. Hmmm.
At one point they finally get Calvin out of the space station but Super Calvin doesn't succumb to the mega freezing temps or the vacuum of space. He was frozen on Mars (which is much warmer than the vacuum of space) but not here. I still haven't figured out how he got back in the space station, Maybe i fell asleep during that segment.
Anyway Calvin killed all the RSS's and flew the rocket ship back to the Earth and landed in the Pacific and lived happily ever after with the rest of the Octopi. The End
Oh BTW, the review part: This movie is ridiculous.