Legends of the All

Rating: Null/10 (7 March 2006)

For viewers who want their melodramas extra sudsy, with pretty scenery and prettier actors (Aiden Quinn, Julia Ormond, and Henry Thomas), lots of deep looks and angry tears to indicate emotional intensity, and Brad Pitt (long of hair and bulgy of muscle), then Edward Zwick's Legends of the Fall is just your pioneering, family-strifing, soap-operatic, cholesterol-laden period meller!
Suffice it to say that, by the ending credits, you're going to have seen some seriously intense Montana history, watched the principals age better than mere mortals could ever hope to (except ol' Colonel Anthony Hopkins who has a stroke and winds up looking as if he got a shot of Novocaine in his face every morning in the makeup trailer), listened to some major mastication of all that pretty scenery, and probably wondered why your US History class in high school couldn't have been this melodramatic--and R-rated for seriousness, with the occasional foul word, spilled gut, and breast or butt showing.
The gals might want to stock up on Kleenex. My suggestion though is for a double order of Lipitor.