Nowhere near as bad as you might think

Rating: 7/10 (13 January 2017)

In the interest of not exposing the spoilers, this review will only focus on the existentialism of what it means to be a musical. Hollywood loves Hollywood. And I never want you to talk to me again. I mean it, dude.
La La Land is not a whiplash, but we do get to see J.K. Simmons pushing his Oscar. This is a musical, albeit a minor one, because neither of the leads can really sing or dance. Then again, acting. Emma Stone is so cute and adorable she makes you want to shrink her up and swallow her up in a gelcap. Ryan Gosling, peace be with you, consistently struggles to appear absent of his psychopathic tendencies.
A musical should be . . . musical? I love jazz. And this movie is about hating jazz. If you want to learn jazz, explore jazz, appreciate jazz, try 'Round Midnight instead. Dexter Gordon will see you through.
My mom once said, "Never, EVER, talk to me again!"
I wonder whether that should have had three exclamation points.
I hope that La La Land never, EVER, pretends again to be what it is not: a great movie. It's a fine film. Nothing more and nothing less. If you find solace in this melange and pastiche, I have a dictionary just waiting for you.