Pa-the-tic

Rating: 1/10 (5 January 2017)

The new Hollywood musical with the intriguing title "La-La-Land one of the most talked about motion pictures in recent years with two of Hollywood's most attractive and popular younger generation stars, Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone, can best be summed up in a single three syllable word ~~. PA-THE-TIC!
-- Gosling, in spite of a name that makes one think of goose liver, is indeed quite handsome in the traditional Hollywood leading man mold, but when it comes to acting or personality he is no Cary Grant or Jimmy Dean, and as far as dancing goes he couldn't carry the jock strap of either Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire. His love interest and dancing partner, Emma Stone, a lissome (skinny) redhead with gigantic blue eyes, and no breasts to speak of, is a much better dancer, and generally a far better actor, but seems to have aged considerably since her extraordinarily vivid interpretation of a sexy young college co-ed in love with her murderous philosophy prof in Woody Allen's "Irrational Man" just two years ago. In this picture she is in facial closeup much of the time but looks haggard, worn, and older than she is supposed to according to the story. The dance numbers seem to be an attempt at a homage to Astaire and Ginger Rogers in slow motion, but they are so badly set and choreographed that after a while they just become annoying. One particular Gosling Stone duet set in the L.A. Planetarium is so ridiculous with them antigravitationally traipsing on thin air against a galaxy of stars that it is downright embarrassing. The young lovers are clearly meant for. each other but their divergent career dreams and aspirations, she as an actress he as a Charley Parker type serious jazz musician, keep them apart in the wake of arbitrary script manipulations that seem so phony you get the feeling the actors had to keep asking themselves, "Hold on a sec --what were we supposed to be doing in that last scene?" Pathetic scripting, pathetic unmotivated dance scenes arbitrarily inserted, then ineptly executed -- pathetic unfocused direction - no wonder Mia (Stone) and Sebastian (Gosling) have such pained expressions on their pretty faces all the time. I actually felt sorry for Emma in some scenes suspecting that she may have been physically unwell while going through the motions. I kept looking at my watch wondering if this thing was ever going to end. The running time was 128 minutes but it felt more like five hours. The final credits with handsome art-deco lettering were a great relief when they finally came up and put this picture out if its misery. No more Damien Chazelle for me. He also directed another sado-masochistic abomination entitled "Whiplash". Give me Mondo Cane ... Bottom line: A film almost as dopey as its dumbbell La-dee-da title.