A musical with no memorable music and talentless actors ... how is this a hit?!?

Rating: 1/10 (27 October 2017)

Musicals don't necessarily have to have leading stars who can sing and dance. Frank Sinatra was no great dancer but managed to hold his own, Rene Zellweger was dwarfed next to Catherine Zeta, and Christian Bale's Santa Fe ballad complete with cowboy dance in Newsies is downright laughable, hell Rex Harrison SPOKE his songs rather than sing them ... BUT given incredible music we the audience can forgive a lot.
That being said, it's not like Hollywood is hurting for actors who can both sing AND dance. Neil Patrick Harris and Kristen Bell both immediately spring to mind. Now if you'd paired those two in La La Land you MIGHT be able to overlook the huge glaring flaw in this musical: the fact that the music STINKS.
5 minutes in I was bored ... I was supposed to be wowed with a huge musical opening number ala "All that Jazz", "Carrying the Banner", "Sweeney Todd", or "Singing in the Rain" and instead I couldn't tell you the title of the song and I couldn't have been less blown away by the opening dance number. BORING.
Then we meet our protagonists and ... I couldn't care less about either of them. At 15 minutes in I was ready to bail out but I figured I should at least hear Gosling sing and see both of them dance before I called it. Man am I sorry I waited. At 30 minutes in we finally get to the first big song/dance number and it just really could not have sucked worse if it were a preschool production. If that was all the singing required, couldn't they have cast Channing Tatum? I'm sure his voice could have been auto tuned as much as Gosling's and he's an excellent dancer. Everyone made fun of Helena Bonham Carter's Ms. Lovett because of her airy nothing of a voice ... well Emma wishes she had the lung capacity of Ms Carter.
Midway through the train wreck of the first musical number I couldn't take any more. If I'd seen it in a theater I'd have demanded my money back. I heard there's some good John Legend moments ... I'll just try to find them on youtube.
So Hollywood casts not 1 but 2 actors who can't sing or dance worth a lick in a musical with utterly bland and completely forgettable music. How is this rated 8.6 stars? Why is this film not overwhelmingly panned by critics? Is this what passes for good from Hollywood now? Because if so they should just turn in the keys because the whole place is bound to go down in flames any second.