Kong the Otaku King

Rating: 1/10 (20 September 2017)

Skull Island is basically what you get when you pick an amateur director who is a fanboy of anime and give him free rein over an established American legend. Everything from the look of the monster to the (absent) characterizations of the characters scream "anime fanboy". Too bad Kong is an American legend. And it's not a matter of patriotism, I'm not American. The matter is that there is nothing about this movie that screams "King Kong".
Now let's take a look at his many problems. 1) the characters are so wooden and uninteresting that I can't remember the name of any of them except for Hiddleston's because it is a famous name (not because I liked the character). 2) Speaking of Hiddleston, he is completely miscast in the role of the average American action hero. There's a reason he was cast as Loki instead of Thor, don't you think? Samuel L. Jackson is basically playing his soldier character that we saw him playing in so many many movies except a lot better (for example Basic or Rules of Engangement). The blonde woman, the black idiot (because he's playing an idiotic character) and the Chinese woman are forcefully put in highlight because.. SJW. And John Goodman, one of the greatest actors still around, plays such a useless character that you'd get to ask why the hell they'd cast him. 3) The title character Kong is basically built up to fight Godzilla. Actually the whole movie is basically built up to lead to a Godzilla/Kong fighting movie. Which is a problem per se since a movie should have his own reasons to exist and being awesome instead of just serving as an excuse to make another. This Kong is supposed to be the biggest Kong ever seen, but his greatness is only so so. He is defeated easily by the army and need the humans help to save his butt. Then when fighting the lead bad guy.. he need humans help again! Sorry, Peter Jackson King Kong did not be to 100 feets tall to kick three dinosaurs assess at once and being totally bad ass. 4) The fighting scenes are nothing compared to his predecessor. Plus if you have seen the trailers, you basically already saw the whole fighting scenes. All of them. 5) The director pushed the premise that you actually see a lot of the monster in this movie. And how much screen time Kong actually get? 9 minutes. No kidding. 6) Instead of the iconic dinosaurs, we get a cliché giant spider, a monster who I can't even know how to define (he's basically a living tree trunk with legs..), some bad copies of Peter Jackson's Terapusmordaxs but much smaller and easier to kill, a giant squid (because the director is an anime fanboy remember?) and the lead bad guys are... basically serpents with skinless heads and arms bigger than the rest of their bodies. That's right: humongous beasts came out from an anime instead of the legendary dinosaurs Kong is used to. But hey that's what you get when you watch too many anime. Kong itself is ugly: he doesn't even look like a gorilla. Make him bipedal made him look even faker. The natives too looks like a bunch of punk hippies. 7) They made Kong 100 feets tall who is a dwarf compared to Godzilla. But since this Kong is supposed to fight Godzilla one day then he has to grow up.. how? They said he's still only a teenage.. and here comes a big plot hole. The movie states that Kong's kind has been wiped out by the serpentine monsters. Who are exterminated in this very movie by the teenage Kong. But if the monsters succeed in wiping out Kong's parents that means that they weren't so bigger than their son. So even as an adult, how can Kong become big as Godzilla when his kind clearly wasn't?
Kong Skull Island is a useless spot commercial for a future King Kong vs Godzilla who has no reason to exist on his own. You want to watch a movie with a memorable plot? This movie has not. A movie with interesting, lovable or at least funny characters? Neither. A movie with a bad ass giant monster that kick ass in cool action scenes? There are a lot of movies that did it better than this.