Lean, Mean and Very Much a Machine

Rating: 7/10 (14 March 2017)

Kong: Skull Island is as much a competently made thrill ride as it is a wild, haphazardly assembled Frankenstein's monster. It scares, it excites, it occasionally cajoles a laugh or two; it also frustrates and bewilders. Through it all it stays true to the original 1976 version, or at least true-ish enough to its surface level spirit. Wait, you're telling me there was a 1933 version that wasn't as unabashedly splashy? Say it ain't so! Set in 1973, Kong tells the desperate story of a group of scientists, soldiers and inter-governmental flunkies trying to survive a few days on the film's titular island. Initially lined-up as a geology expedition, Lieutenant, Preston Packard (Jackson), Tracker, James Conrad (Hiddleston) and Photographer, Mason Weaver (Larson) lead a pack of expendables through thick vegetation loaded with freakish monsters, defiant locals and John C. Reilly. They of course have plenty of run-ins with the island's solitary king, painting a picture of the giant ape as both a gentle giant and a force to be reckoned with.
Here's the thing about seeing something like this on the big screen...again: We already know there's only so much you can do with a creature like Kong. Taken to the absolute basics, we know the structure of the film is going to be a row of dwindling meat sacks being picked off one-by-one while Kong stops the show to kick some butt and then retreat into the forest to lick his wounds. Admittedly, Skull Island does a better job than most, dressing up what amounts to a final destination gambling pool. But considering the piddly character arcs doled out in this film, we never get as invested in them as we should.
The slow-burning, Peter Jackson King Kong (2005) compensated by turning Kong into an actual living, breathing character. The stop-motion work of Andy Serkis combined with Naomi Watts' Watt-ness, gave the giant ape a child-like innocence that audiences at the time found endearing. This version on the other hand turns Kong into a gritty, unforgiving force of nature motivated by ferocious anger and primordial fear. Thus what we have is a movie that intuitively lacks investment, shoots itself in the foot when it comes to the monster, and leans a bit too heavily on its Vietnam War allegory to carry the day.
So Skull Island basically amounts to being a pit stop on yet another tent pole extended universe. It's awash in intricate world-building detail and inner-movie lore that will no doubt be erased or re-framed as the new installment comes clomping in. Whether you like it or not, you basically running a marathon now.