'Bad' doesn't BEGIN to describe it

Rating: Null/10 (12 October 2017)

I watched the original KK, the 1970-something remake, the 2005 remake, and ... This. Oh, dear. What can I add to the many other cries of dismay?p
In this latest Hollywood excrement they don't even bother to build up your excitement and expectation. I suppose the writers must have thought, "Oh, what the heck. By now, everybody knows the protagonists are to stumble into a ginormous monkey. Let's start blowing things up from the get-go instead." So KK blasts on the screen (and in your face) barely 15 minutes after the opening credits (in a two-hour film).
It barrels south from there. Cartoonish, made-in-Japan-like creatures, tons of gooey, revolting gore, silly people, sillier situations. Oh, and did I mention aurora borealis ... In the middle of the South Pacific? Did they leave any cliché out? Nope. Everything is there, right down to the assertive, macho-like, snarky female photographer, who's capable of lifting a helicopter that not even a huge, prehistoric water buffalo could dislodge. Does our Kong fall for the gutsy photographer? Perish the thought! This is the new millennium. Nobody, not eve big apes objectify women. Can't have that. No, once Kong slaps the chopper off the water buffalo's back, he spots the photographer, gives her a regally disdainful look, turns around and walks away. The only part in the film I felt like clapping.
As others have pointed out, the dialogue is so bad it makes you cringe even more than the revoltingly gory scenes.
All in all, I think it's high time Hollywood was sent to pasture on some Skull Island somewhere far away. I mean, what could go wrong? The Hollywoodians would be devoured by the local fauna. Well, what of it? The film taught us that the critters are prone to regurgitating their lunch. Maybe they'll turn vegetarian. Wouldn't that be adorably politically correct?