Donkey Kong

Rating: 2/10 (16 March 2017)

Skull Island is another much-publicised remake that should have been left alone.
Granted, monster movies are enjoyed mainly for the effects, the graphics and gratuitous, large scale destruction and carnage. Top that off with a hero, a damsel and a nutcase or two and away you go. Who cares about acting, characters that you could identify with or hate and a script?
All that is well and good except for one thing and better movies have failed because of it. That thing is in the form of characters who are unusually and blatantly stupid. It may help advance the storyline but if that is the only avenue then the script needs to be rewritten, preferably by someone with an IQ.
No, I'm actually generous in my criticism. Here are some examples:
Helicopter pilots who fly really close to a 100ft ape that has already grabbed and mangled several other helicopters until every single one has been caught and pulverised. These are experienced pilots fresh from the Vietnam war. Now everyone has to get to the North of the island for a supply drop on foot. Really?
Or how about this, a female reporter who wanders into no-man's-land to help a 60ft water buffalo that is trapped under a fallen helicopter. Instead of getting any of the strapping blokes and tribesmen who are just around the corner to help, she tries to shift the helicopter by herself. So what if the megaton bullock couldn't budge it?
Yes, it exposes her to danger. The type of danger that otherwise can not be manifested in any other way. Really?
Oh please, stop! Mercy!
On the plus side, by this stage I had developed real feelings for the scriptwriter, the director and the producer, none of which was intended or that I care to express here.
Go see it if you must. Suspend your sense of reality and just go with it. Rest assured, you too will come out with feelings towards the aforementioned gentlemen.