"The Caves Won't Save Us!!"

Rating: 4/10 (21 March 2009)

Wow...words failed me after my body wrenched in pain after Nicolas Cage screamed those lines. The latest disaster flick, "(Insert better title)", is a run-of-the-mill, shallow, yet paradoxically serious attempt to show us how "everything" happens for a reason. However, out of "everything" it had to be *reported* disasters within the U.S. Since the U.S. is the only country in the world, all disasters must happen in the U.S. for this plot of a movie to be cohesive.
The premise is mildly enticing compared to what else is at the box office, but the execution is poorly done. Proyas can deliver eeriness, but he can't evoke emotion in his movies. Armageddon had 50 times more emotion tugging than this shallow attempt. It would seem logical for a disaster movie to be emotional when centered on a family. All it is a few of Dark City "strangers" making cameos and Nicolas Cage running around as a dimwit father trying to save the world.
The movie is outlandish, poorly paced, poorly written, adequately directed. Want a disaster of a movie? Spend ten dollars on this one and do a favor to our economy.