A Perfect "Plan 9 From Outer Space" Remake?

Rating: 1/10 (14 March 2014)

No, kiddies, this isn't a movie that requires you to wear your "thinking caps". Nope. It's a movie that demands you wear a dunce cap.
And you must continue to wear that dunce cap all the way through this movie 'cause that's the only way you'll ever have any hope of getting anything worthwhile or of any value out of Knowing's 50 million dollar, intelligence-insulting story.
And, would I dare contradict myself and say that Knowing's story was actually something of a thought-provoking experience? Well, yes, in a sense I would say that it was "thought-provoking" in that if you really start to actually think about the sheer idiocy of the events taking place throughout its overlong story you'll be absolutely astounded if you're able to make any coherent sense out of it all.
Yeah. That's how Knowing provokes thought.
And, with that, I'd definitely say that Knowing has got to be one of the deadest "dead-end" Bible/Noah's Ark/Adam & Eve stories ever made. This film's story goes from potentially hopeful to utterly and pathetically hopeless faster than any other movie that I've seen in a might long-long time.
Even before the time-capsule of 50-years-prior had been ceremoniously opened and Lucinda Embry's puzzling page of orderly number-sequences was brought to the attention of Prof. (ha!) John Koestler (M.I.T.'s finest? Ha!), Knowing had already fallen flat on its frickin' face.
And, speaking about Prof. (ha!) John Koestler - Like, was this stupid jerk really for real!? I mean, it was bad enough Koestler offering his eager students at M.I.T. his "s-h-i-t happens" explanations when it came to his clueless theories on evolution, or whatever - But, he was also a terrible role model as a single parent.
I mean, let's face it, this big suck was obviously an alcoholic (for good reason, of course) and his dysfunctional relationship with his 8-year-old son was clearly on the rocks in more ways than one.
And, speaking about actor Nicolas Cage - I'd say that a good part of Knowing was completely ruined by his grate-on-your-nerves presence. This twit's a total doofus of the highest order.
I had always considered Ryan Gosling to be the ultimate asswipe, Hollywood actor, but, after witnessing the atrociously bad performance by Cage in Knowing, I now proclaim him as the new reigning King of Asininity, bar none.
Anyways - I could certainly go on and on here trashing Knowing and its "black rocks" nonsense, and its laughable "animals-on-fire-running-out-of-the-forest" effects, and its truly anti-climatic Earth destruction scene, and its putridly stupid alien angle (did you happen to notice that there were no "female" aliens?).....
But, all I'll say in closing (just to get this review over with because Knowing's disappointment-factor has really p-i-s-s-e-d me off), is to say that director Alex Proyas really deserves a good, swift kick in the ass for foisting this absurd, inane and preposterous piece of "prophecy" garbage on us as the unsuspecting movie-audience. Yep. He really does.
Sheesh!!