Silly Sci-Fi

Rating: 5/10 (20 November 2011)

'Knowing...' Yes.
First big turn-off for me was the claim 'starring Nicholas Cage'. Cage is usually the first choice in a B-movie that has pretensions of being grand. He takes the concept of vulnerable hero into wearisome extremis. He's a one-dimensional actor, and that's what he does. Here, he's a widower tortured by memories relating to the death of his wife. Yes; that tiresome old chestnut. He's a science Professor, single-dad and he hits the bottle. Get the picture? Still, a trailer depicting a passenger-jet crash caught my eye and suggested further interest.
What develops is a slow-burning (gosh, you can say that again) yarn about - well - almost everything. There's children involved; which, in an American movie, is usually a very bad sign. A strange script comes to light, written 50 years before, that appears to predict most every disaster up to the present time, and then beyond. At some stage mysterious men in black begin appearing and start handing out... pebbles. Mysterious men handing out pebbles? Very, very mysterious.
The air-crash occurs as predicted. And mighty impressive it is, too. The movie then movies into its second phase - whither the secret knowledge on the script? Now Cagey enlists the help of a single mum (handy) and we embark upon a 'Da Vinci Code' style investigation that entails a lot of running, fast driving, scarcely-audible whispered dialogue in gloomy places and self-indulgent navel-gazing. Pebbles keep turning up! What's the score? Well, it seems there's a culminating disaster in the pipe. We're doomed. And these MIB turn out to be extra-terrestrials in disguise who mean to save our species - and some rabbits. But for some reason they're only taking children. Why no adults? Ah that's something we are left 'unknowing'. Why this long-winded 50 year old prediction-mystery? That's unknowing as well. What about - The Pebbles, then? They come from a dried-up river bed near the alien pick-up point. Significance unknowing, but mysterious.
So that's it. The Earth gets cauterised. A (very few) kids get saved to grow up into feral adults like those in 'Lord of the Flies'. There's special-effects a-plenty for those who manage to stay awake. Booming cords to prevent the bored from falling asleep, with enough base to burn out your sub-woofer. And that's about it. Put 'ET', 'Signs' 'The DaVinci Code', & 'MIB' in a blender; here's the result.
It stars Nicholas Cage; let that be a lesson to you.