All Are Punish'd

Rating: 1/10 (19 March 2013)

Towards the end, when the credits have not yet rolled, a lone male figure silently makes his way to the front of the cinema.
He climbs onto the dais, and stands on the carpet in front of the screen. Wordlessly, he reaches down. There is a faint zipping sound, a pause. Then the unmistakable sound of urine landing parabolically upon carpet.
The audience neither shrinks, nor exclaims, and nobody makes any attempt to stop the man. Rather, after a moment there is a faint chorus of "Hmmm, hmmmm...." and various sounds of agreement. "Yes, yes. I see where he is coming from. Hmmm..." says a learned voice in the darkness.
There is a slow flurry of activity. It builds to a crescendo. In mere minutes the entire audience, from babes in arms to the elderly and infirm, are dropping their restraining inner garments and voiding their bodily fluids over the cinema and its furniture.
The manager runs in, and attempts to calm the situation. But he only makes it worse. He implores the audience not to take out their wrath on the cinema itself, but the audience shakes its collective head. You took our money, a lot of our money. Now, it is you who will pay.
Finally, the managers phone rings. Yes, he manages to convey, yes, he will give everyone their money back. The rioting hordes subside, and with a slightly sulfurous dignity they file out.
Wearily the cleaners trudge in with their heavy equipment. This is the fifth screening of 'Knowing', and they wonder when this madness will stop.
When you watch an Ed Wood film, your senses inform you very quickly that this is a product of tremendous enthusiasm, but of no talent whatsoever at all. And knowing that, one can enjoy the glorious train wreck. 'Knowing' that - fore armed with the knowledge that this is a turkey, and it is to be served as turkey.
'Knowing' does not do this. 'Knowing' is the worst kind of film. For the first half it will promise deep intrigue, and even hint that they might be about to do some edutainment. Perhaps some obscure maths principle is going to be the decider here. Promises of 'Pi', and 'Primer' (almost). And it keeps the hooks in, till just after half way.
After that.... really, its probably best NOT discussed. There would be those still traumatised out there from being hit in the face by a supersonic wall of shyte. Shyte. The pure stuff.
Instead I will just conclude with this thought.
To say this film has redeeming features, is an insult to redeeming features.
Poor Nick Cage, I hope for his soul he donated everything he was paid for this film to charity.