Boring naive fairytale

Rating: 3/10 (21 April 2020)

We fell asleep the first three times attempting to watch this film. On high recommendation from respected theater friends, we finally suffered past the first sleepy 45 minutes and spent the remainder of the movie flummoxed at what kind of viewer could ever swallow the premise of this murder and the holes in the plot too numerous and too much of a spoiler to mention. Set in modern time, the viewer must somehow forget the way any modern murder investigation is conducted through evidence forensics, DNA, personnel, and crime labs. Plot hole is stacked atop plot hole and preposterous coincidence that makes for an impossible suspension of disbelief. Apart from the inane writing for only the most gullible, not a single character had anything resembling likeability. We didn't really care about a single character, regardless of the star studded cast. I found myself waiting for some spectacular and grabbing dialogue or interaction, but only found disappointment, similar to a Fourth of July fireworks volley of duds that go straight to the ground without an Ooo! or an Aaah! By the time the predictable plot twisting and lengthy, rambling and unbelievable whodunit monologue of the lead "investigator" (a private detective somehow given sole authority!) arrived, we could have cared less about the plot, the characters, the victim, the family, the bumbling investigators, the good natured nurse, or even the overly pretentious artsy scenery or filming. The most interesting person in this charade was the mute Great Grandmother! Clearly this was 2 hours we should have continued napping through.
Conclusion: This should have been set as a period piece in the "Downton Abbey" times in order to make this 19th century investigating style believable. Or maybe written as a murder-mystery parody. This just didn't work.