This movies was terrible in ways I didn't think possible

Rating: 1/10 (22 July 2015)

First off, I have never reviewed a movie before so bear with me.
This movie was fu***** awful. Let me be clear, the violence was not an issue for me. It did surprise me when they blew up Obama's head but that wasn't what made this movie detestable. This movie hits "bad" on so many levels such as: the lame plot, bad acting, terrible special effects and mind numbing dialog. It was so bad, I mean sooooooo bad I actually created an account on here to write this review.
The Plot: Contrived, predictable and poorly executed.
The Acting: Samuel L. Jackson's lisp made me cringe, the main character was exceedingly unlikable and the supporting cast were mostly forgettable. The only exception here would be Colin Firth but I'm pretty sure he only did this movie for the paycheck.
The Special Effects: I mean...what the hell? Did they hire a 12 year old to do these? They were awful! Plus they did so much slow motion that it only highlighted how bad the effects really were! This should have been the movie's lone saving grace!
The Dialogue: So bad, so campy. It reached it's pinnacle at the end when the main character finds the Swedish princess and she tells him that if he saves the world that they can "do it in the asshole"? Come on! It's such a lame thing to say and feels forced in there. (no pun intended)
Bottom Line: Skip this movie.
If you read this whole review, many thanks!