Waste of Time

Rating: 1/10 (23 April 2016)

This film has so many flaws it is hard to know where to start. Let's just jump in with all the ham fisted homages to other spy franchises. Naming the dog J.B. just so they could rattle off three agents with those initials. The failed attempt to channel John Steed with lectures on being a "gentleman." When Steed did that sort of thing, you actually liked him. He understood that a "gentleman" was never insufferable. The clumsy shoe phone reference. Setting the whole Kingsman front in what appeared to be a Savile Row version of Del Florio's.
Despite the attempt to make the young lead a take on Luke Skywalker, he seemed more like a refugee from a boy band, perhaps more suited for "The Justin Bieber Story." The cheesy martini order. No explanation of how the widowed mother went from being the wife a Kingsman, to being the woman of some London low life.
All in all, more of a first person shooter video game than a movie. The tediously interminable gratuitous killings in the church. Belatedly asking for landing clearance when you are wheels down on final. The bad guy guards in the tunnel complex who were dressed like 21st century imperial storm troopers. Bringing in surface to air missiles to take out a parked aircraft. The conveniently narrow tunnel where our alleged hero could make like Jackie Chan. The ridiculous acid trip like exploding heads. And the very last hidden in the credits bit where it looked like the same pub morons who were thrashed by Galahad appeared to be lining up for another dose.