Trite, Contrived and Appallingly Boring

Rating: 1/10 (22 September 2016)

A friend recommended this film and the trailer looked like it could be interesting. Picked up a copy on DVD to watch on vacation and really couldn't get over how awful this movie is. The only one bothering to act in this film is Mark Strong and I don't know how he got roped into this predictable, boring and utterly stupid film. Nothing in it really gels into anything sensible. None of the characters are likable, believable or relatable. Sam Jackson is horrible and I have no idea why they gave him a lisp. The female characters are all portrayed as weak, stupid and needy. Yet another movie where all the good guys are white and any non-white people are cast as bad guys.
And Kingsman just doesn't make sense. Even within the confines of the story's established mythology, it just slides from cliché to cliché. None of the characters have any sort of sensible motivation. There was plenty of room to work up a good story given the plot, they just didn't bother.
I don't know why everyone else thinks this movie is so wonderful. I don't normally write reviews but I figured it was worth five minutes to warn people away from this disaster.