Kingsman: What a disservice.

Rating: 4/10 (9 May 2015)

I'm a little concerned. To say the least, I am concerned.
Kingsman delights in portraying itself as an over the top parody of James Bond movies. Well, that's the cop-out answer anyway, because it keeps telling us it's different. "It's not that kind of movie." Well, is it supposed to be a better kind of action movie then? Let's take a look at the irony:
It's not okay to kill dogs, but people who you deem as ignorant and evil? Totally okay. Dogs are after all innocent, fluffy creatures. People are clearly not. That's why the famous church scene plays out like a music video to a rock song. Heck yes to mass murder as long as those people don't agree with you or your vision of what is right and wrong. Sound familiar? Crack open any history book and figure it out if it's not evident yet.
Repeated twists and turns. Classic "waiting until the last second for things to work out" that is typical of each action movie. Talk about hilariously ironic, but wait. It gets worse.
A gentleman has manners, Colin Firth? You don't say! Dressing a wolf in sheep's clothes doesn't change who he is. By he, I mean Eggsy. Cursing every other sentence and only thinking about collecting his "reward" at the end is apparently what new generations of gentlemen do.
So, what was his award you might ask? Ever played Super Mario Brothers? What's the point of playing to the end of the dungeons? The princess, of course! Women are a complete mess in this film: from the mother who gets abused to the Swedish princess who refuses to go along with the villain offering herself on a platter to the hero to the only woman Kingsman on screen who is instrumental to the hero's success (ahem: correction, GIRL, because men can be referred to as gentlemen repeatedly, but what does she get called? "Good girl!" And I know you know the term lady because you mention it earlier, Eggsy. Don't play daft.). Oh, but lighten up! It was only a comedy! I'm sorry if I want women to not play silly damsels in distress. I'm sorry if I want consistent character development for women. I'm sorry if I want anything BETTER for my gender. I should know by now I shouldn't expect anything better from Hollywood, but I sure as hell don't have to take it standing down.
At the end of the movie, I feel like Valentine had proved his point about human beings. If that isn't scary, I don't know what is.
Parody? Satire? Hardly. It's the same old Hollywood wolf dressed up in sheep's clothes. For shame. For shame.