Turn it off after the first hour

Rating: 1/10 (26 July 2015)

Summary: Watch it -- if you have the time and money to waste -- for amusement, and perhaps out of sympathy for the movie's investors. But don't let the children watch. A bizarre chapter in the otherwise distinguished careers of Colin Firth, Samuel Jackson, and Michael Caine.
This felt like two movies -- the first 60 minutes or so coming off as a James Bond wannabee film, albeit not gaining much momentum. The balance of the film spins off wildly and embarrassingly to the far left (did another producer or editor take over?) with clear intentions of offending anyone with middle-of-the-road sensibilities.
There's plenty of effrontery to go around: the grotesque mass-murder of Southern church-goers (who are caricaturishly bigoted) by the erstwhile protagonist (Colin Firth); the presumptive pseudo-science that "humans are the virus on Mother Earth"; a Scandinavian princess, when rescued by our hero, offers anal sex (now how is that politically correct?); and more. The depravity, combined with a weak Saturday matinée "save the world" plot line, extinguishes any positive trajectory the film barely achieves in the early minutes. Other cringe-worthy moments include Samuel Jackson's exaggerated and offensive speech impediment, and an amputee antagonist who uses her prosthetic razor-sharp extremities to slice ginsu-like through a cast of extras with stomach-turning graphic effect.
All this may attract and intrigue a certain (and large) percentage of the movie-going public. As for me, I am now all the more anxious for the sophisticated, restrained and elegant story-telling we can expect in the next Daniel Craig - James Bond movie. Thankfully, I don't expect that we will see more than one more installment (i.e. last gasp) of the "Kingsman" franchise.