A painfully inane mock genre film

Rating: Null/10 (1 November 2003)

I like Hong Kong action, my favorite is Crippled Avengers, which is to say I have a sense of this world, and I like it when the Monty Python guys make the blood spurt, which is also to say that I have a sense of those things. But this film is about nothing and contains characters I never cared about even though it's central pillars are things I like. It felt like Oliver Stone's U-TURN. He was so high when he made that and everyone in the world was calling him a genius so he must have thought that pile of poo was chocolate ice-cream. I feel the same way about this ersatz espresso. I tried, I really did, to like this film: the red cross eye patch, the spurting blood, the goofball music, the green hornet masks, I got it, but it never scratched my surface. Maybe I'm too old.