Blood, doesn't make a movie.....but apparently, it does make money.

Rating: 1/10 (26 October 2005)

I'll start off by saying that no, in general, I am not a Tarantino fan. I thought Pulp Fiction was a very good movie, I haven't seen Reservoir Dogs, and though From Dusk Till Dawn was worthless trash. Second of all, I'm reviewing both Vol. 1 & 2 here.
Kill Bill was a cinematic success exclusively because of the fact that movies are very rarely created for artistic or commentary purposes anymore - now, they are mostly just created for young teenage boys who want to see some heads chopped off with a couple sex scenes mixed in. Unfortunately for them, Kill Bill, doesn't have any of the latter, but it has oh-so-plenty of the former.
I don't care about violence in movies. I'm no self righteous conservative schmuck who thinks that all movies should supplement the family environment and any showing of blood should be met with a swift NC-17 rating. Violence is alright in movies, as long as there is something to go along with it. As long as there's a point to it. Sorry, but a clichéd and uninspired tale of bloody revenge to get back at your husband by chopping up a couple hundred Asian kids and plucking people's eyes out just doesn't cut it.
Much of the dialogue is overly simple and somewhat pointless. I think the star of the movie is Lucy Liu, as she has by far the most character and likability/hateability as Oren Ishii, who also happens to be the most well developed of the characters in the film, the only one with any backstory even provided. The scene in the conference room with Tanaka losing his head and her subsequent shouting and the final fight scene of Vol. 1 between The Bride and Oren are by far the best in the duology. It's just too bad that Lucy is only in the first movie. I would venture to say that the second movie isn't worth seeing just because she isn't in it. But...I'd be wrong, because there are many, many other reasons not to see it.
Further evidence that this movie was marketed exclusively for mostly immature teenagers is the character Pai Mei. Obviously based on the "master" characters from various anime shows, he was clearly tossed in there for kids to look at and say, "Look. He chops wood with his hand. And ninja slaps women without regret. Therefore he is badass." Unfortunately that doesn't work. How about the Five-Point-Heart-Exsplosion-Technique? How long winded and childish can you get for the name of a martial arts move? You've got to be kidding me with that one. How can you expect me to hear a character say "Wow. You just used the Five-Point-Heart-Explosion-Technique on me." and not burst into uncontrollable laughter? I think that scene almost got me kicked out of the theater. The ushers and the people around me didn't look to pleased at my laughing during what I *think* was supposed to be a dramatic scene. But failed to be so.
The soundtrack for the movie is fairly good. It consists of the usual Tarantino audio: obscure songs from previously unknown artists that doesn't seem to fit with the scene on your first view but you come to appreciate its cinematic value later. There's lots of Salsa music on there too, mostly from Santa Esmerelda, which definitely worked with the final fight scene between Oren and the Bride. The 5 6 7 8's should thank Tarantino that Vonage didn't laugh them off the stage like every movie audience did - I wonder how much they're getting from those commercials?
Were it not for the hype, rampant undeserved praise, and general overratedness, Kill Bill would simply be a decent movie. I mean, there aren't many movies out there with a deep, intuitive, affecting story anyways, so it's sometimes forgivable. But the millions of people saying "Kill Bill is the best!" and then when asked to answer the question of Why? respond with simply, "Women cutting people up with swords! Why do you think, dinglehopper!?" is what just gets to me. Cutting things up with swords is NOT a good movie! I'd rather just watch the Home Shopping Network and see the untrained salesmen accidentally impale themselves with a sword while trying to market it because they try to look fancy but don't actually know how to handle it! Now THAT is entertainment - Kill Bill is just junk.
I think Kill Bill and all its undeserved popularity is a grim sign for the movie industry - final, overwhelming confirmation that action sells over art.
It's not an unknown fact that the movies that are made for artistic meaning and offer some type of commentary on the status of human society or just what life really is are almost overwhelmingly neglected by the movie-going audience, and are seen mostly by critics and fans of the directors. And when the rare movie comes along that offers blood, gore, story, acting, and commentary that all combine into a piece of art, such as Saving Private Ryan, people watch it for the war scenes. "Oh, that movie has some great war scenes, man! Limbs flying everywhere!" ... "Yes, but there's more to it than just...that. I would tell you to watch it again...but you still wouldn't get it." It's the blood and gore people want to see, not the long, complicated story, great acting, and much more that comes with an excellent, top-100 movie. Apparently katana-wielding women in yellow jumpsuits is the fad nowadays. And just a couple years ago Pogs were the fad.
Go figure.