Seriously?!

Rating: 10/10 (16 June 2009)

Kill Bill, after watching it I was stunned, my jaw hadn't left the floor since the company intro. It's a vile and discussing (should have been)X rated mess with all the subtly of a 70s exploitation flick. It's just too gritty, very few of the scenes are free of blood, fowl imagery or vocals, said vocals also tend to be wildly offensive. The use of dirty racist and sexist language is done without any restraint and rape scene while showing almost nothing still manages to leave a bad taste in your mouth. One of the most screwed up lines is particularly stupefying "Luckily Boss Musumoto was a pedophile". How is being a pedophile lucky?! Sad, yes! Scary, absolutely! But luck! At points I honestly felt I was watching a cheap shock porn minus the nudity. Over all the writing is lazy making the actors, such as they are spout aggressively stupid clichéd lines you'd expect to see in an early crime drama. One major problem is how one dimensional and archetypal the characters are. The Bride had some spat with her boy friend, Bill. Bill gets his assassins to kill her, they mess up, so she hunts them down and kills them all, Bill last of course. All the depth of a wafer, unfortunately the radical shifts in plot and tone are bound to leave any viewer very confused at what is a very simplistic plot. The music and sound effects are horribly outdated not to mention out of place. Said music seems to be more at home in a bad western then a terrible marshal arts movie, possibly a black & white one as in places, plus the sound quality was so bad an eight track would blush. Still these points are not enough to call it one of the worst things ever made by man, I reserve that blame for the near constant ultra violence. The fighting isn't as stylized as it is brutal and bloody. Chunks of human beings fly through the air, detailed make-up shows grotesque wounds and red gets on everything. There are so many shots where you can just feel the pain, especial the ones with broken glass or anything else not directly intend to be a weapon. One truly horrifying shot has a bit of wood with nails sticking out of it in a sixteen year old girl's head with blood poring from her eyes! The camera angles actually seem bent and hesitate to show maximum gore and near endless blood fountains. Despite the focus of the visceral nature of battle the actual fights are imposable; one woman vs 88(or so) Yakuza killers in a "sword fight". Forget how unlikely it is that she would survive the first nanosecond, why do none of them have guns? The Japanese mafia had been using guns since their founding in the forties, what kind of terminal shift would cause them to consider sharp metal sticks as their entire weapons array? For that matter when did a unisex tuxedo and ballroom mask become the uniform of organized criminals? Most of this movie's action is just a string of physical impossibilities. It's one of the biggest ham n cheese movies I've ever seen and yet it's so disturbing that any one who can be offended will be. Movie like this should be banned, it's so bad, so insulting, so terminally stupid that I loved every second of it. It's so far removed from anything I've ever seen and yet it's a living tribute to everything 70s, marshal arts, exploitation, art house film. It's terrible and shocking yes, but it stands completely alone as a very self-aware action film with the actors delivering both epic and corny lines with chilling skill. It combines humor, drama, action and even a tear or two like no other movie I've ever seen. It comes in two parts the first bombastic and action packed and the second dialogue heavy and incredibly dark. Which one you'll prefer is pretty dependent on you're love for wanton violence vs you're love for brilliant writing, but they're both stellar. I highly recommend Kill Bill if you have a love of camp and gallows humor and if not it just might convert you the weird side, just know that whatever your expectations, they're wrong.