Super Zero

Rating: 2/10 (26 September 2010)

Not too long ago, in a galaxy that now seems incredibly far away, Lionsgate unleashed some of the grimiest, most unabashedly un-PC films into mainstream theatres ("Saw", "High Tension," and "The Devil's Rejects" immediately come to mind); as a result, the studio gained a favorable reputation among genre loyalists looking for cheap thrills delivered by up-and-coming talent. It would seem that "Kick-Ass" (whose ostentatious title is culled from a comic-book series I have not read), the tale of a dorky high-schooler with aspirations of superhero grandeur, would fit well into the "cheap thrills" department...but instead becomes an astonishingly unfunny punchline unto itself. Ignoring the fact that the film is a tonally inconsistent mess (dark, 'outrageous' humor -- a little girl who blows away henchmen twice her size! -- is mashed between sloppily-choreographed action scenes and agonizingly pretentious teen-talk), it flat-out fails in its central conceit: that even a dorky high-schooler who dons an obnoxious green wetsuit can be elevated to Living Legend status (with the reliable help of faux-hype instigators like MySpace!). Truth be told, Kick-Ass does little of note for the duration of this miserable slog, and the inclusion of other not-so-super heroes (including a lame Batman caricature essayed by an insufferably lame Nicolas Cage) only further muddies what little focus this film has. It also doesn't help that the main villain is standard-issue cipher, a dime-a-dozen mob boss we've seen too many times before. Did I mention that this whole ordeal crawls toward the close-to-two hour mark? Perhaps I'm just missing the point of "Kick-Ass"...unless its point is riddled with the kind of whip-smart irony that led me to the following conclusion: with the right kind of moxie, obnoxiousness, and low-rent business savvy, those among us who are most unworthy of attention (but possess a loud enough mouth to voice their vapid opinions with confidence) can launch themselves into a grotesque parody of celebrity without really DOING anything. With "Kick-Ass," the exponentially lowered expectations for super-heroes translates into a new icon for the Facebook Generation. Pathetic.