The Most Marvel-y Film to Never Marvel...

Rating: 3/10 (4 December 2017)

DC are now five films into their Cinematic Universe and they still haven't figured it out.
It made me laugh throughout because of how Marvel-y the film is. They have dialled back the dark depressing moodiness from the previous Superman films and replaced it with silly one-liners that feel horribly out of place. Rather than have the balls to stick to their guns but try to make it, you know, not trash, they decided to backtrack and make something that was done infinitely better by Marvel 5 years ago.
And it even fails at doing that properly. Rather than integrate the various superpowers organically into the plot of the film, three out of the five members of the Justice League could literally be anyone else. Batman does some Batman stuff, and there are a couple of scenes where someone needed to move really fast, so Flash was useful every now and then, but there was nothing in here that specifically used either Wonder Woman, Aquaman or Cyborg's superpowers, other than needing "a guy who is really fast and really strong". So if you went into this film with no preconception of who was who and what they could each do, you would be seeing a guy dressed as a bat with some cool gadgets, an annoying teenager who can run really really fast, and three interchangeable characters who can all punch people really hard.
That is my main problem with the film but here are a few other spoiler-free bullet points:
-90% of the comic relief was from the Flash, and the only times I laughed were at non-Flash related bits.
-Think of the least interesting villain possible. I guarantee you the villain in this will be less interesting than that. He was literally "evil guy who wants to do evil with magic MacGuffins and destroy earth."
-Sick of seeing infinite armies of faceless robots/aliens/insects/zombies that are decidedly non-human so that we can show the heroes decapitating and dismembering them without affecting the PG13 rating? Well, Justice League has you covered! They have an infinite army of faceless robot-alien-insect-zombie things all at once!
I am kinda ripping this film a new poop-hole but it wasn't as bad as BvS or Suicide Squad. It was watchable but in a "this is trash" kinda way. Much of the film felt like scenes taking place in a vacuum, with nothing connecting them. Most of these scenes on their own were entertaining enough, but as a film it didn't do anything for me. 4/10.
For anyone curious I would rank the DC films as follows:
1. Wonder Woman (5/10) 2. Man of Steel (5/10) 3. Justice League (4/10) 4. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (4/10) 5. Suicide Squad (3/10)