Abysmal - The credits feel like a list of people who owe you an apology

Rating: 2/10 (2 December 2017)

OK, if you grew up watching superhero cartoons (Spider-Man, Superfriends, etc.), try this test. Name some Spider-Man villains. Then try to remember some of the villains that fought the Justice League in the Superfriends.
OK, I'll start. Spider-Man villains: Rhino, Mysterio, Electro, Human Fly twins, Flying Dutchman, Lizard, Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus, Sandman, etc... Superfriends villains: um..., er..., maybe Brainiac? I honestly can't remember the plot or villain of one episode of that show even though I remember the invisible jet, Hawkman, that Native American dude who turns into a giant, etc.
Why the quiz? Well, I guess to demonstrate that the Marvel/DC "entertainment value" imbalance is not a new phenomenon. And Steppenwolf sure ain't gonna change this - he is the single least interesting antagonist ever seen on screen. Even Green Lantern had that dude with the big purple head.
Think about it. Ben Affleck as Batman. Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman. Jason Momoa as Aquaman. Some nerdy guy, who has the "Peter Parker- level insecurity and self-deprecating humor" thing down better than Tobey Maguire, as the Flash. Some other guy as a robot.
All this potential and talent and practically all they do the entire movie is bicker with each other and fight computer-generated wasp- men - sorry, "para-demons" - and a computer-generated charisma vacuum named Steppenwolf (not to be confused with the presumably live-action charisma vacuum named Henry Cavill).
Many other low-star reviews of this movie have already listed its faults in accurate detail. It isn't substantial enough to have any deeper layers that they missed.
It's just horrible. Henry Cavill circles the drain with a completely emotionless portrayal of Superman. Ben Affleck continues his turn as a Batman who is the complete antithesis of anything he's been on TV, cartoons, or movies for the last half century or more.
Let's see... Aquaman doesn't really communicate with fish in this movie, he just manipulates water. Batman's suit is just awful. The only appearance of the Batmobile is at the very end when it is fighting some CGI tentacles on a CGI street in CGI Russia.
The Flash's costume is cool. I knew nothing about Cyborg going into the film and he was mildly interesting so I guess technically that makes him the least disappointing. Wonder Woman is the standout here, as in BvS and her own film, but her character seems wasted in this plot. There are some decent jokes, many of them self-referential, but every other aspect of the movie is cringe-worthy.
I give it two stars. One for Gal Gadot and one for Amber Heard. Subtract these two stars if you're not attracted to women. Or add them back if you like dudes - Henry Cavill and Jason Mamoa go shirtless a bit.
I haven't really added anything new to the discussion with my review, just want to vent. But I will tell you this. I went to the theater in a good mood and with very low expectations, based on all the negative reviews, and saw this only because there was nothing else playing that I was remotely interested in.
But with a movie this bad, no matter how low your expectations, it will still disappoint and you'll still walk out thinking "How do so many people, ostensibly in the entertainment industry, invest so much time and money and collaborate on something for so long and produce something so completely devoid of entertainment?".
Some have said this is better than Batman vs. Superman and/or Suicide Squad. I'm not so sure. Maybe. No, I don't think so. Even a completely miscast Lex Luthor and CGI brown turd, or a writhing 6,000 year old Cara Delevingne, are more interesting than Steppenwolf.