DC don't learn, do they?

Rating: 5/10 (26 December 2017)

One would think that after four movies - DC would learn something. The senseless action of Man of Steel, the disgorged story of Batman vs Superman, the sheer, utter stupidity of Suicide Squad and Wonder Woman... And they've brought all the worst parts of the three together. Now, before I get too far, I'll admit that the movie is has a contrast with BvS - if BvS started fine and ended terribly, then this movie does the opposite: start terribly, but improve by the end. Which is why, ultimately, 4-6\10 is something this movie deserves, no more, no less. It's no Suicide Squad or Iron Man 3, there is something good hidden within it, but it's hidden among a heap of trash.
First things first - the opening, the premise, the story and the scenery. All the minor details that add up to the cringe. In the opening scene we see Batman struggle\toy with a minor criminal, causing collateral damage just to... apparently attract an alien scout that... well, just came out of nowhere. And Bats left the criminal just like that. This scene is so badly written, poorly executed with camera cuts and has so little practical value to the movie that it could easily have been covered by exposition. Because it's hard to find a lesser evil between a bad cringeworthy scene and extra exposition, which this movie already holds aplenty. This sets the premise of parademons and the invasion. Now, apparently Lex Luthor was spoofing something about it, but... You know, the properly big Marvel movies feature properly big stakes. There is a reason why Thor 2 was panned - because an apparent universal threat was dealt in a duel within like one square kilometer. This is the same thing. Doomsday was a thing that even Superman couldn't stand up to, and Lex somehow knew and was mumbling about this Steppenwolf, back then, much more devil-looking godlike creature. Now, of course, Darkseid was mentioned and he is somewhere in P3 with Thanos, but what did this Steppenwolf turn out to be? Some retextured Ares with vague abilities that could take on the five heroes just fine, but who didn't even remotely stand a chance against Superman? Man, the balance and the stakes in this movie are sooo off. Batman's daring attempt to revive Supe was so bold that I thought... wait, wait wait wait, wasn't this supposed to be JUSTICE LEAGUE? Nope. The movie spent so much time sucking the idea of Superman's importance(boy, how on Earth did the world live for thousands of years before this freak came around) that it's really sad how everything must revolve around one character. Maybe they should write a New Testament or something... Instead of showing a competent team action with a failure and a chance to recognize this failure and look for compromise, we are thrown into a half-reared resurrection, even more ridiculous Supe vs JL fight than Civil War showdown(and that's saying something), and then we get a boring beatdown of the team by one weirdly written antagonist, all the while KNOWING that Superman is coming, and when he comes - it's a total pushover. Just like in Wonder Woman. There is not even that ridiculous choice scene of the Man of Steel, the enemy is just stomped. And, talking about scenery, I guess they really had to call some spot in "Russia" as the "rear end" of the world. And they really made some lovely remarks about it. I guess there was a good reason to bring another country into the mix, and an even better one to just leave it at that. That Steppenwolf would've been nuked six ways from Sunday before these heroes even began sorting out their hormones...
Talking about heroes, I see DC has tried desperately to replicate the levity and the humor of Suicide Squad.... of the lack thereof. Barry, apparently, loves his dad who killed his mom and it's so sobby and teary that we don't have a clue whether he did that, why did he do that and why does Barry even care for his father still. This character story is just there for the checkerbox. And Barry himself seems to be a very weird guy, who apparently has already built himself a suit(that even Bats complimented) and is living quite the life. The comedian of the team, he looks about as silly as a Spiderman copy. And this is something I would rather not touch with a 5-foot pole. Cyborg is a brooding and annoying teen in a metal suit, who seems to have been built from the Allspark... I mean, the Tesseract... Ugh, screw this, who transforms like a terminator.
Wonder Woman is as terrible as ever, Gal Gadot's desperate attempt at facial expressions really hit that nail in her coffin as an actor. I mean, just look at her while she was looking for Cyborg in that dark street - I haven't seen such an unusual face in a while. I think she needs to take a few lessons from Trump - the guy can make an expression. And her powers - DC really has gone "ah, duck it, we'll just roll with it". Superspeed, super reflexes, indestructible gear... I thought Woman Woman was terrible, but this bank robbery scene has really gone so overboard that I really couldn't care less about her character. She is like Mario - brain hurtingly stupid in everything, but... loved for... reasons.
Aquaman was really out place. Even more than Barry - he felt like he was there just for the poster image. Indestructible, without any special powers, he, WW and Cyborg really were very generic in this movie. The reason Marvel succeeds - is because their heroes are unique. Each has a role and a style, weak points and special stuff. DC lacks that. Superman is a brute. Wonder Woman is basically a female Superman now. Aquaman is like a lesser Superman, but still a brute. Cyborg is a terminator brute. Barry is a pizza delivery service. And Batman's greatest power is to have big machines torn apart by brutes.
I mentioned that the movie gets better in the end - yes, the action and some visuals are decent, but, again, with the revived Superman, with the pathetic copy of Tesseract\Infinity stones, the bad writing of the antagonist and the vague heroes - it only gets "so" much better. It's better than the last Fantastic Four, definitely, but Justice League still fails to do DC heroes justice(pun intended).
DC needs to focus on character development: unique sides, personality, strengths and weaknesses. The story must feel like a whole picture, not a bunch of notes thrown together. The enemy must have the scale, the stakes, the impact. Even Marvel suffers there, even Ultron did, but damn did the character of Ultron deliver. Hell, Ares had a little screen time and he was a better villain. DC takes notes from Marvel's worst movies: WW copied First Avenger, this thing copies The Dark World. Is this really what it takes to be different from GOOD movies?
I'll finish my review with something very, very cold. And I'm not sorry for it. "Groot had more personality in GotG than any of Justice League." Ruminate on that.