More Like Bustice League

Rating: 1/10 (19 November 2017)

I'm marking this as "contains spoilers" although I will do my best to keep spoilers to a minimum. Any legitimate spoilers contained in this review will be in service of explaining why Justice League is a ham-fisted, stupid mess of a film. Please enjoy.
So it's not a spoiler to reveal that Batman assembles a team, but the reason that he does so is so insultingly stupid that it really ruins everything that happens afterwards. Batman needs to assemble a superhero team because a big evil force is coming to destroy Earth. How does Batman find out about this threat? Because he kills a bug man and the bug man's guts leave behind a mysterious symbol that Batman conveniently recognizes as a symbol rather than just coincidence. The reason that this happens can only be described as "Because Movie". There is NO REASON why this would happen besides the fact that the writers needed a way for Batman to discover the impending threat and that's the best they could come up with. They needed Batman to discover the threat early and begin assembling the team. Because Movie.
On a related note he begins assembling the Justice League having absolutely no idea who or what he's up against and having no idea whether a team would be necessary or helpful in combating the threat. Keeping in mind that his first experience with another superhero was being distrustful and trying to kill him, assembling a team seems particularly out of character as a first resort to combat an unknown threat. It's almost like the only reason he began assembling the Justice League is because the movie is called Justice League. Because Movie.
It sounds like I'm really harping on this, but it's indicative of the thought process of the filmmakers. They got to the first hurdles in the plot and said "screw it, nobody will ask questions if we cut corners right?". So keep in mind that the ENTIRE REASON that the Justice League was assembled and exists in the first place is the result of ridiculous plot convenience. It's not even like it's the only time they do this either. Later in the film, for the sake of plot convenience, the writers basically have the villain steal something from the Justice League while they aren't paying attention even though there's no way he could've known where they were, that they had the thing he wanted, or that that particular moment would be a good opportunity to steal what he needed.
The villain has to collect these items and seems to have the ability to teleport to wherever these items are (like within arms length of them). It is never adequately explained that or how or why he is able to this. Also even though he has no problem doing it for the first two items for some reason he is completely incapable of doing it for the last one until it is conveniently left unguarded. Once it's unguarded he has no problem teleporting to it and stealing it which he should have been able to do before the Justice League even took possession of the item. Because Movie.
On a more general note this film is approximately 5% less dark and miserable and stupid than Zack Snyder's other DCEU films so hats off to Joss Whedon for his input. That being said there's still nothing fun or charming about any of the characters or about the style of the film itself. There's only so many different ways to say that it just wasn't fun. It wasn't an enjoyable experience in any way. I left the screening having felt nothing, learned nothing, and grown in no way with the characters. Nobody has an arc or learns a lesson or is bettered in any way as a result of the events of the film.
This lack of style and story is particularly glaring keeping in mind the close release proximity to Thor Ragnarok which oozes style and charm from every pore and actually takes the viewers on a journey of self-discovery with characters that we know and love. Everything about Justice League felt like it was done out of contractual obligation rather than love of and desire to add to the source material.