Justice League? Yeah, sorta

Rating: 6/10 (26 November 2017)

There's a scene in the first thirty minutes or so of Justice League where the film's villain, Steppenwolf, attacks Themyscira to retrieve one of three Motherboxes. He pops out of a blue cylinder and, along with a squadron of Parademons, lays waste to the Amazons as they struggle unsuccessfully to keep the box away from him.
Man oh man, was that a great scene. It's intense, colourful, and truly harrowing. Snyder (or whoever directed that scene) instils the scene with such a wonderful sense of movement and terror as the Amazons desperately try and keep the box away from Steppenwolf, dying heroic deaths as the axe-wielding giant swats them down left, right, and centre like a swarm of flies. It's awesome stuff, neither exploitative nor particularly restrained. Sure, Steppenwolf looks like he went through too many CGI blenders and sounds like a petulant brat, but he cuts a truly menacing figure as he brings his fiery axe down on the heads of fleeing Amazons with about as much care as a cheese grater.
While the rest of the movie doesn't even come remotely close to the quality of this scene, it isn't a bad film. Not by any means.
The first half of the film is especially good. The opening shot, one of those awkward shot-with-phone-and-badly-acted things, admittedly made me cringe at first, but it ends with a child asking Superman what he likes best about Earth, to which he looks away, a dreamy little smile brightening his chiselled features. It's surprising how much depth of feeling a simple smile provides.
The rest of the first half, excluding the scene with the Amazons, is mostly forgettable, but I don't recall feeling bored at any point. The banter, especially between Aquaman and Batman, was truly fun to watch, and the action scenes, which could have used a little tightening up, were entertaining enough to hold my interest.
Of course, one can't discuss the film without acknowledging the fact that it was a bad idea. Marvel did it right: releasing single films highlighting individual characters, crafting them as human beings before (heheh) assembling them. Warner Bros, in its apparent rush to compete with Marvel, made the mistake of bringing the ensemble together without introducing them all individually, the result being a rushed, muddled mess of exposition and characterisation that ends up unsuccessful, both as a narrative and at the box office. Wonder Woman was successful, and I'm almost certain that a Flash or Aquaman movie would be too. Speaking of which, Aquaman is especially glossed over, although he does get the most badass bit in the whole movie (ICKY THUMP SITTING DUNRK Something WAGON MEXICOOOOOOO DUH DUH).
BIG SPOILERS FROM HERE OK BUT NOT REALLY BECAUSE EVERYONE TOTALLY KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN:
Superman comes back. Come on, who thought that was a good idea? We already have a crowded canvas as it is, now we have to sort through Superman's internal post-resurrection struggle. And to top it all off, Superman is just as invincible as he always was, showing up at the final battle and laying waste about as easily as he'd squat and push out a log.
The final battle itself is not so great. There are awesome bits, but most of it is a confused, poorly edited mess. There's no sense of arrival, characters popping in and out of the canvas without any visual aids to help us keep track of where everyone is.
Like I said, not a terrible film. It has a great scene, a few good ones, and not enough bad ones to overwhelm the good ones. I just wish they approached it differently (or not at all), tightened up the editing, and for the love of God, made it an hour longer.
I don't think critics are paid off. But I do think that Rotten Tomatoes has damaged film criticism in that it has provided film critics with a way to tap into the collective mind of their peers. It's difficult to go up against public opinion, especially considering that your job may be on the line. I'm not saying that you switch your litmus test to IMDb's score, because that's bloated beyond reason by the sheer number of fools, trolls, and fanboys plaguing every corner of the Internet; instead, I'm adopting the mantra of the trolls infesting the comment section on Rotten Tomatoes' Facebook posts: Think for your goddam self.
Or stop going to the movies and eat ice cream. I don't care.