Jurassic Comedy

Rating: 3/10 (17 June 2015)

Where to begin in describing this train wreck of a Jurassic Park movie? Let's start with the obvious, lackluster characterizations. Jurassic World reintroduces the character of Dr. Henry Wu, played by veteran actor BD Wong, and his appearance brought a smile to my face, only to be wiped off by his complete lack of conviction, the character is used for about 3 minutes and left out in favor of the rest of the cast.
What we are given here are flat characters with minimal material to work with, Howard is almost completely void of conviction and looks like a robot with high heels, her supposed connection to her nephews (the two boys) is shoe horned for dramatic effect, but the performance given by Robinson and Simpkins are so mundane and heartless you are left wishing they get killed and eaten by the antagonist Indominus-Rex, so their miserable existence has a meaningful ending. At a chase the two boys are forced to jump down a waterfall to escape the I-Rex, their expression and complete lack of tension reveals the green screen they were facing at that day of filming, absolutely no emotion whatsoever is conveyed by these two. For all I care they could have been chased by a chicken, because that is the reaction they were conveying in the movie. But I must digress, as we move forward the film presents us with D'Onofrio's character, an idiot planning to use raptors as bio weapons, the absurdity in the notion alone is cringe worthy, but is topped off when this moron starts to argument for why it would work, I found myself laughing out loud in the theater as this was pure comedic gold, although not intentional, I am sure. This movie has more stupidity than all the previous 3 movies combined, to progress the incredibly shallow storyline some characters must behave as complete idiots, enter Simon Masrani (head of the park) played by Irrfan Khan who changes character when the script demands of him.
Masrani is introduced as a sensible leader, who looks after the guest and dinosaurs alike, yet when faced to destroy the I-Rex he refuses to give the order due to the high costs associated with making this hybrid dinosaur, this of course at the expense of human lives who are sent in for a slaughter. But it doesn't end there, Masrani has just learned how to fly helicopters and is seen partaking in an attempt to kill the I-Rex. Let me repeat, a newly certified amateur helicopter pilot with zero experience as a combat pilot flies a helicopter full of armed guards and a mini-gun mounted, he then jokingly says to his employees "This is like having a general fly his soldiers into battle", the sheer nonsense at display was painful to endure. Of course, this buffoon loses control of the helicopter and crashes it into a dome releasing hundreds of flying prehistoric animals who conveniently all fly directly to the human populated area of the island.
To a point the CGI is handled respectively on the main antagonist the I-Rex, the raptors on the other hand look cheap and so does the iconic T-Rex at the end of the movie, its as if they ran out of time or money to polish the rest of the prehistoric cast.
And let me tell you is the final fight a bore, not because the entire movie was trash, but because Trevorrow and his team managed to destroy the iconic T-Rex once and for all. The T-Rex is portrayed horribly, the way it moves and the way it looks differs so strongly, from what we have come to expect in the Jurassic Park series that is downright insulting. This T-Rex does not even have the same appearance as the ones seen in the last three films; it looks flat, broken and its animation clunky. The final fight looked like two rubber dinosaurs where hammering each other, their necks lose as if they were dolls, the short Jurassic Park 3 battle between the T-Rex and Spinosaurus was a masterpiece compared to this. In Jurassic Comedy the T-Rex's head swung around like it was in a spasm, the flips these dinosaurs do are reserved for fighting video games, not an ounce of authenticity was portrayed during the final battle sequence.
Trevorrow tries so hard to please with the T-Rex smashing through a Spinosaurus skeleton, as if it were some idiotic form of poetic justice looking back to Jurassic Park 3. There is really nothing positive I can say that could lift this movie the abyss it has fallen into. The only thing that works in the movie are the scenes with the I-Rex hunting down and killing guards, those scenes have a sense of tension and originality due to the I-Rex being a completely different beast than the rest, but when the movie tries to be a Jurassic Park movie if falls flat in almost every occasion.
Not even Pratt with his playful grin and uplifting action scenes can save this pile of Dino dung from being completely inferior to the other three films in the series. The Lost World may have had very questionable morale that prioritizes dinosaurs over humans and some plot holes but it was 10x the fun and thrill of Jurassic Comedy, and Jurassic Park 3 for all its goofy moments and simple concept was still true to its roots and presented a believable adventure with characters you grew to like. This is just a Jurrasic Cash Grab with no soul it exists purely to capitalize on the name of the franchise, and it has succeeded, but its box office does not reflect the movies qualities. As I left the theater, I saw many who were gazing at the floor they knew they had just seen the rape of a once great movie franchise.