Dumb and stupid spliced together

Rating: 4/10 (29 October 2015)

I really thought movies like Godzilla, Transformers 4, Prometheus, Hobbit - can't really get worse. Like, they are the pinnacles of "how you should not direct\write". I was wrong... This movie... this is the TRUE Jurassic Period. Even Gravity is probably less barbaric. The only creature on our good planet that would suspend disbelief for this movie... is probably a sponge. Only a sponge would be able to take in that much... liquid.
Where to begin...
Oh, well, with positive. Howard and Pratt really kicked the rear end there. Cheesy, perhaps, clichéd - but, damn, those are the actors. They deliver. Unfortunately... they can't two-man a 25 man raid.
The story begins with a dysfunctional, mental and unbelievable token family that establish the plot: kids aren't coming back. Really, in our good world, parents must attend before a child can ride a freaking roller-coaster. Yet in Jurassic - the lovely parents would leave their kids, knowing that their sister is some CEO and that one of the kids is retarded and that they will play with dinosaurs. Right... This family, these two kids... they will make the movie more horrible and painful to watch that the dwarfs of Hobbit, than the religious skank of The Mist... Seriously, every time the story gets back to these kids - you WILL want them eaten. Because they bloody deserve it. They ruin every last bit of atmosphere the movie tries to build.
Then we get what... Well, this Park is probably one of the most expensive places in the world, not to mention importance etc. It's guarded by fat dumb white trashes who you wouldn't trust to guard an empty parking lot at night. It's crewed by skinny scaredy shrimps that you wouldn't employ in McDonalds. It's overseen by some asocial "scientists" who are one of those "secondaries" who you won't remember even if try to. It's protected by some 20-30man shady task force that desperately wants to "let Godzilla fight". It's owned by a distant and mentally handicapped cousin of Tony Stark. Who thinks that shutting down the park would make it more unpopular than having a mass manslaughter occur there. And who tries to combat pilot a civilian helicopter without license. Seriously, they could as well show Paris Hilton driving...
Between everything said above, you will easily recognize "Aliens", "How to train your dinosaur" and... Terminator 2.
Seriously. I'm being super frank here. Ice Age 3 is 95% the same movie. Just shot much better. And that's the worst Ice Age to date.
Spoilers away, the whole plot is: "Stupid family makes sure the movie feels relevant. Starlord and Howard make sure the movie has action. Fat pussy guard has the authority to open the most secure gate on the island. Stupid kids make sure the movie has unbelievable exposition scenes. Mad scientists pretty much announce the sequel. The evil bad Dinosaur takes down bigger dinosaurs, more defended dinosaurs, two spec-ops teams and even the T-800... I mean T-Rex. Like, really, that T-Rex lies there with pretty much torn throat. Then "he is back" and, together with a wee superraptor and Starlord - they make sure Godzilla stays fed. That had to rouse some hormones and call the happy end."
So in conclusion: The movie is less original than the Avatar(and that's saying something). It will make you cringe every time you see the personnel or the kids. It will make you think that Gravity has sense and logic.
AAA titles can't be ranked 0, so here's 4 stars for the CGI and for the two main characters. They deserve it.