Sexist, offensive piece of trash

Rating: 1/10 (25 January 2016)

PLEASE NOTE: I don't consider any of these spoilers; what's below is the kind of thing you might see in a trailer. But if you want to be extra careful, I guess stop here.
I almost never write movie reviews, but this film made me so angry that I have to say something. If all I do is prevent one person from wasting a penny on it, I will be happy. Why? Well, this may be one of the most misogynistic movies I have ever seen. It is so insulting to women that I am blown away it was made today and not 75 years ago. Yes, it's an adventure flick; I suppose we're just supposed to take it as it is – a silly blockbuster – and not read too much into anything. But it was so glaringly awful that I almost couldn't finish.
Claire is the butt of almost every joke. She's portrayed as some kind of emotionless, control-freak ice queen and the movie is going to teach her a lesson aboutwhat? Being more nurturing and feminine I guess? Rather than going on and on, let me just give a few examples of what I mean.
1. At the beginning of the movie, Claire's big boss and the owner of the park comes to visit so she's unable to spend the day with her nephews because, you know, she has to meet with her boss. One of her nephews looks like she just kicked a puppy, even though she promises to take the entire next day off and give them a backstage tour. Then her sister calls actually in tears because Claire is neglecting her nephews in what was supposed to be a family vacation. From work. She calls from work to chastise her sister for having to work, even though she and her husband didn't take time off to go with them on this so-called "family" vacation.
2. When her nephews go missing, she turns to Big Tough-But-Sensitive Hero (BTBSH) for help. He asks how old they are, and she says one is in high school and the other is a few years younger. He's incredulous that she doesn't know her nephews' precise ages. There is a MAN-EATING MONSTER on the loose, this woman is terrified for her missing nephews, and he's criticizing her for, in a moment of panic, not knowing exactly old her nephews are?! I would think knowing one is in high school and the other is a few years younger is plenty enough information! But no. Because she is a horrible woman.
3. Both BTBSH and Claire (but mostly BTBSH) save the kids on several occasions, and after one incident, they ask to stay with "you." Claire passionately promises she'll never leave them again, and they reply: "No him. We want to stay with him." Ha ha? I justI can't. I can't.
I could come up with plenty more moments like this but I won't. And what makes this especially sad is that in the first Jurassic Park, way back in 1992, the main female character was this, great, strong, competent woman, who doesn't need saving any more than anyone else (unlike Claire). And the girl (there's a brother and sister in that one) is also smart and brave and even plays a major role in saving the day. This time, the only girl with a speaking role is the older boy's mooning, clingy girlfriend who begs him to send a selfie every day because she'll miss him so much. Whereupon he promptly goes off and eyes every girl he sees at the park. Boys will be boys?
It makes me want to cry that there are people in this day and age who would write this kind of offensive sludge and think it's funny. I want that two hours of my life back.