Not even Chris Pratt could save this garbage

Rating: 3/10 (5 July 2015)

It's like they're not even hiring or involving writers at all to make movies these days. They're in such a hurry to tell this story that the dinosaurs begin to go haywire before the viewers can decide whether they care if anyone besides Chris Pratt dies. Turns out we don't.
It's almost as if they just hurried through this one because it was just a way to lay the ground work for future JP movies that are equally ill-considered. I hope the Jurassic World ride and theme park at Disney World is a little more subtle about taunting attendees the way they did movie-goes "Aren't the lower classes hebetudinous dullards, Chauncy? I daresay they will jam their corpulent behinds in dirty theater seat over and over to drool on one another and stare at it!!! Mwa hahaha!!!"
There is nothing remotely clever, surprising, or even funny that happens in this plot line whatsoever. A person who had never seen this movie could tell you what it was about by guessing randomly at the title...which is apparently how the screenwriter did it...or at the very least the suits that overrode every last decent idea the writers had and superimposed their own idiotic vision instead.
I'm sure all the flat-earth mouth-breathers who don't even believe dinosaurs existed will be gratified to see science mocked by the cinematic equivalent of hurling feces at people meant to represent the academics they mock with Intelligent Design Museums.
Would people run randomly in the streets and not into the building while pterodactyls flew overhead snatching people up and eating them? Would a brief appearance by Jimmy Buffet (didn't notice) distract from all the bad writing and stupid characters? Tons of Jurassic herbivores...no Jurassic plant life. The female lead is thoroughly unlikable in ever way and doesn't die. And her hair is so awful...a better stylist would have covered all of that face. Hey I wonder if the dumb rich guy is gonna die in a helicopter crash after they've dropped a dozen damn hints about how bad he is at flying? Oh...he's dead two minutes after he takes off. Heli crash. The walls are all woefully short. Real animals can jump like kangaroos on WW2 surplus crank...but a four-meter hybrid predator should be okay in an enclosure with no roof...right? Pretty much NO ONE can outrun a damn lizard of any size...except maybe a chameleon. The main dino can change colors but they didn't use the word "chromatophores" a word every ten year old knows? Nope, the entire premise of this movie is that either the producers are really stupid or this is how stupid they think most people are.
To say this is like John Wick with dinosaurs is giving the writers and producers credit for having spent any time on anything other than the broad concepts of the movie and the title...which they didn't. Hollywood is actively trying to insult Americans' intelligence and most people don't even have enough brains to be insulted...shame shame shame.