LOL it's not even comparable to the garbage out on your lawn

Rating: 1/10 (15 July 2016)

Literally I think I could plug in some cables into a old piece of paper that annoyingly blew its way onto your property or a dirty moldy pop can and have more fun trying to play that than endure this painful movie.
I was feeling all kinds of things like leg cramps, leg dryness (hard to explain what that is, it's not a skin thing), lack of blood flow in me, dizzy feelings that tingle in the thigh when I was watching this. It's like, imagine you have a flow of energy in a circuit. If you like disrupt it, then the flow doesn't work right? We have a flow that is satisfied by the movies we watch, and when that flow SUCKS, our bodies begin to shut down because they're not working circuits. Your legs keep fidgeting because you're bored, your breathing becomes difficult, all in all it felt crap to see this. Makes me wonder if you can even hold them responsible for making such atrocious cinema, because seriously I even had stomach problems after seeing it.
Or maybe that's because I see too much Jurassic Park in youth and was let down so I got like sick or something...but anyway! Know that I'm one of the biggest fans ever to exist of Jurassic Park. I had all the cool toys, everything. Charts showing the dinosaur sizes, video games, and all from the cool era back then. None of this J world filth. Real old school Lost World and JP3 stuff. So if there were anyone to have review this movie, it's me (and of course the other fans out there too).
It sucked right from beginning to end, the dinosaurs are reduced to annoying playthings, like literally it's not like "oh that raptor is scary", it's more like "that raptor is annoying, like that kid who keeps going number two on your lawn". It all reeks of annoying things. It's sad, it's not even like it's disturbing like Saw or Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something, it's just annoying.
Dinos are not these creatures you can turn into graphic barbie showcase things with the ugly kids riding them and ugly kids going to see them in a park. They're noble beings, full of power and majesty. LISTEN TO JOHN HAMMOND AND MALCOLM IN THE 2ND MOVIE FOR Christ SAKES, the creatures need our ABSENCE, and that includes the makers in our world that try to make (*cough* steal 1990's filmmakers ideas) stories and CG models out of them. They all look like they've been animated by selfish people, a loving CG artist makes even the cruddiest of 3D modelia shine with life. It's just a matter of a simple loving touch, that's what makes CG great (I know from some experience with CG). This movie had none of that. So sorry, the dinosaurs don't make you drool with immense urges to draw and colour them in all day, to have complex dioramas with your toys, it makes it worse than a street dog in your head. Just some "oh look tommy, there's an annoying dino, go pet him".
Our dinos before had vicious survival based lives and they were as great as seeing your own mother and father when they came on screen. They marched in and ran the show, they were precious. The roars still fill my ears when I sleep at night.
All the intro garbage crap with the kids and the dumb texting girlfriend nonsense, you put that in a kids movie? Seriously? That's when you know never to trust ANYTHING from this film company again, they're frauds. There was even a VERY big hint at a nude subject in the movie which I won't dare discuss. People are swearing left and right, like jeez you think the small words aren't swear words? You think our beloved Jurassic trilogy has language like that? You clearly don't know what a kid friendly movie is. Don't take your kids to see this, it's not worth it.
The dinosaurs are all trying too hard to be cool, and YES I do treat the dinosaurs as their own creatures even through the screen because they were amazing enough to receive that treatment in the 3 movies. All the personifying of the dinos making them into more things for humans to control is annoying. Like a dinosaur movie isn't about them helping each other beat the bad dino like humans would, these makers are trying to make them like humans. These animals work alone and look like REAL animals when they think. YES, they can be friends but it has a different feel. It felt more like pixar creature love than anything. Complete disgrace to what keyboard and mouse is meant for. All the CG programs have been disgraced by this. The music blew too.
-10000/10 if I could, but sadly 1 is the lowest rating the website permisses.