So bad we were shouting at the screen

Rating: 1/10 (17 February 2018)

Where to start?
Nobody, just nobody, could actually be as bad as these characters are at their jobs and actually keep them, no matter how useless some people actually are. So any believability has gone by five minutes in.
Cardboard characterisation and a dreadful script - seriously, the 'We've got to keep the park open no matter how many people get eaten' and 'We can't kill the expensive dinosaur that is eating everyone' lines are not only infuriatingly fatuous but out of date since Jaws. The main female character is patronising, stupid, screechy, argumentative, arrogant and incompetent, but I have a horrible feeling we are supposed to admire her. Most of the male leads are either brash idiots or speak in cliches. The only likeable one gets killed in a helicopter crash. The children contribute nothing to the film and the parent divorce theme is clearly there to try and make us care about them, which it doesn't.
It tries to make up for this by shoving dinosaur attacks in every few minutes - but they're all the same so after a while we were just laughing. It was soooo predictable. My son started keeping a body count.
Apparently raptors are now trainable. When the plot requires it, of course, they're not. But then they are again. Just like that. So there goes that bit of tension from the first film.
The end fight has no suspense but by then we didn't care - making dinosaurs bigger does not make them more interesting.
'Well, where do we go now?' says the female lead at the end, whose deliberate and wilful stupidity as the person in charge of the park led to 37 people being eaten, hundreds injured, and millions of pounds of damage. You long to hear the male lead tell her 'Well, prosecution and a long jail sentence for you,' but he doesn't. They walk off into the light.
It was embarrassing to see what the fantastic vision of the first film has been reduced to. This one gives the impression of being made by numbers and from a cynical concern for focus groups rather than any desire to tell a story.