Jurassic Ripoff

Rating: 5/10 (27 June 2015)

Like the dinosaurs that inspired it, this series should have stayed extinct. There's nothing new here, nothing remotely interesting, unless you just paid to see dinosaurs eating people and wrecking stuff, in which case you'll get your money's worth. It's like Spielberg is just ripping off himself now, same big brass music, same stock characters (Chris Pratt only needs a whip and a hat to make the transformation to Indiana Jones complete), the bratty yet super smart and noble kids, the driven mother figures, the megalomaniac billionaire and the usual Spielberg villain: The Military Industrial Complex.
The writing team (which includes Michael Crichton, who's been dead for years) seems to have spent around 5 minutes on the script. It's a rehash of bad jokes and cornball clichés. I guess they figured their target audience (11 year olds?) could care less. Even Chris Pratt can't save this movie from itself--he barely cracks a smile. He looks as miserable I felt watching it.
Nowhere is it explained that, with three previous attempts at a dinosaur theme park being unmitigated disasters, who was it who actually wanted another one with even bigger, deadlier monsters and "more teeth?" Are we consumers really that masochistic? If Disney World had such a high death toll, would they be building MORE parks just like it?
Save your money. Stay home and watch the original. Still the best and most thrilling. Back when Spielberg thought the story was as important as the special effects.