More ham than a Christmas dinner

Rating: 3/10 (12 June 2015)

Keeping in mind the first the Jurassic series entries, I read the reviews on IMDb before going to see this turkey and was amazed that so many people thought it was so brilliant.
Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard and Vincent D'Onofrio called in their performances, resulting in some of the most shallow, I- couldn't-give-a-damn characters on screen. Whether that's what Colin Trevorrow was aiming for I don't know, but considering the hokey performances from Ty Simpkins, Nick Robinson, Judy Greer and BD Wong, one has to assume he was aiming for the lowest common denominator and the shallow end of the pool.
A wholly uninspired cast sleepwalks its way through a monotonous, boring plot underscored by bombastic music more worthy of a made- for-cable production than a supposed blockbuster.
The only bright note throughout the entire ordeal is a praiseworthy performance delivered by Irrfan Khan as the big boss of Jurassic World, the be all, end all of unrealistic theme parks - think Disney World on steroids with live dinosaurs instead of animatronic ones.
The opening is a family scene with a desperately clutchy mother, Judy Greer, saying goodbye to her little darlings going on an unaccompanied trip to La Isla I Don't Care to go see the dinosaurs, where the big bad theme park is conveniently run by her flibbertigibbet sister, played by Bryce Dallas Howard. All the emotions throughout the film seem hackneyed and either totally over the top or so shallow that your feet wouldn't even get properly wet.
Once we see Jurassic World, we are introduced in quick succession to Chris Pratt playing a character he apparently based on a combination of Crocodile Dundee, Indiana Jones and any number of other hokey jungle-style macho misogynists.
The naughty brothers played by Simpkins and Robinson ditch their (naturally) British nanny, and thanks to aunty's VIP passes for them are the last on a ridiculous theme park ride just as the big bad lab-concocted supersaurus escapes and begins to eat and terrorize everyone in sight.
The resulting hunt and chase scenes, complete with cheesy oeuvres by D'Onofrio playing an InGen madman wanting to use the dinosaurs as soldiers of the future for the U.S. army, are at times hilarious enough to wonder if the entire cast had a parody in mind, and at other times so stunningly poorly acted that I assume multiple retakes were necessary and everyone's collective spirit flagged to the point of "let's just get it over with."
Another point leading to the conclusion that this was intended as parody is the fact that the theme park - oh so closely based on Disney World and targeting the same lolling tourist audiences - was completely devoid of the average profile theme park visitor - the overweight American. All the visitors to Jurassic World are beautiful people who do not at all look like the regular theme park crowd and make it more like a EuroDisney with giant lizards.
The dinosaurs themselves, the CG and blue screen techniques used are noteworthy and fun at times, sometimes predictably boring and inane.
There were a number of (most likely unintentional) belly laughs throughout, just as the plot was so utterly predictable as to be totally uninspiring; the phrase "mind-numbingly mundane" springs to mind...
If you are looking for anything like Oscar-worthy performances or an unforgettable story-line, skip this film. If technology and blue screen stunts are your bag, then you'll like this film. Don't expect anything more than pretty low- grade B-Film acting, writing, direction and execution here.