Jurassic Fail

Rating: 2/10 (18 June 2015)

First let me say I am a HUGE fan of this franchise. I loved the first 3 films, and still watch them once a year or so.
I've awarded this film 1 star for the effects, which, in all fairness, were some of the best ever made in any move I've ever seen.
I've awarded this film another star for the humor, which, in all fairness, was successfully pulled of without Jeff Goldblum.
Star #3 - #10 will forever go un-awarded. I'm not even sure where to begin. So I guess, let's start with plot.
PLOT - The plot was almost identical to Jurassic Park. Updated for a new audience that demands more action, but the same plot nonetheless. Even cute kids. Add to that the sheer absurdity of the plot (more on that in the ABSURDITY section) which made this movie so predictable it was hard to get to the end. At some point, even the effects and action do not make up for this.
EDGEOFSEATNESS - Unlike any of the other 3 films in the franchise, not once was there a scene that kept me on the edge of my seat. In Jurassic Park, the tree scene, in #2 it was the bus on the cliff scene, and in #3 it was the bird-cage scene and the airplane scene. Not a single scene in Jurassic World had me hanging like that.
ABSURDITY - Of course you go to a movie like this knowing it has no bearing at all on reality, but Jurassic World took it one step further, and took the absurdity to new levels. Any movie where humans don't generally act like humans should is hard to watch, but when most of the humans do things that NO human would do...EVER...it's absurd.
1. First, our co-star ran around the island in high-heels the entire time. Through jungle, rivers, mud, and even though the shoes were mentioned by our star, SHE STILL KEEPS THEM ON. And she could run fast in those heels!
2. The Pterodactyls attack of the park patrons. Had something like this really happened, it would have been horrifying, and absolutely one of the scariest things anyone could experience. People being picked up, dropped, and torn apart by birds the size of cars. But instead of showing any true terror of this event, humor was added in an attempt to make it funny. In one scene, a man is shown hording his margaritas while running from and being whisked away by a dino-bird. This did not make it funny, it made it absurd.
3. This new dinosaur they created could not be killed, and was barely maimed by bullets, RPG's, and 50cal rounds, yet, T-Rex (HERE HE COMES TO SAVE THE DAY!) was able to, with some raptor help, nearly bring this super-dino to it's knees so that super-shark could do the rest. COME ON! And, who didn't see T-Rex saving the day AGAIN?
4. There was a HUGE contradiction in the film, and I'm not sure how it was not caught before release. In the beginning of the movie, the comment is made "We've created the largest dinosaur to ever exist" while referring to their new super-dino. But in the end, we see that's simply not true. Super-dino-shark was obviously 2 or 3 times the size. Why wasn't the goal originally just to drive super-dino to the water to begin with? Meh!
In short, I found Jurassic World simply ABSURD, lacking a plot, and honestly boring in so many ways. I can't believe the current ratings this film is getting, because when I went to see it, it was a packed house. Several people left early, and the comments I was hearing after the film were primarily negative. Hopefully I'm not just getting too old and sounding like a crotchety old man, but to me, Jurassic World was truly a let-down.