Too many things wrong to rescue.

Rating: 2/10 (23 March 2016)

Kids. Didn't they learn from the first one with the screaming and the crying? Kids ruin a good action flick, that's it. Nobody wants their blubbering and their screaming. Shut the **** up already. Who gives a **** about the kids' parents divorcing? That was so forced and obtuse, it warranted the whole movie having a late term abortion. The back alley kind with a rusty coat hanger.
The obese security guard in the paddock deserved to die the second he started talking with food in his mouth and for assuming that was an acceptable thing to do. They got something right, but he still needed to die quicker.
What's with this half reveal the antagonist deal? We've already bought the ticket or the movie, it's not like they're trying to trap us in for some Lost Season 1 smoke and mirrors shenanigans.
Lens flair too.Where do they get the nerve? Show us the ******* thing already you JJ Abrams wannabe tool.
I like Chris Pratt. He's kinda funny and a decent actor. That doesn't mean you get away with just casting him and not bothering with any other decent actors, a script, a director or anything else that makes a decent movie.
But what's particularly crippling about Jurassic World is that Trevorrow and his three fellow co-writers populate the film with stock human characters who as much personality as the dump I took directly after watching the movie. Pratt demonstrated a winningly self-deprecating sense of humour in Her, The Lego Movie and on the TV series Parks And Recreation, and his ascension to movie star with Guardians Of The Galaxy was especially cheering, suggesting that he could become an A-lister without losing the modest humanity and sweet common touch that were his trademarks. Sadly, his Owen is a somewhat sensitive mush mouth who probably had to be held back several years and in real life would have tattoos on his neck and hands. He also seems to read of a q card: Whether he's establishing a personal connection with one of the dinosaurs or bickering with the walking nun's fanny, Claire, the character isn't much fun — nor is he compelling or swaggering enough to come across as a magnetic dramatic presence.
Please shove more products in our faces, you useless sacks of ****.