Jurassic Puke

Rating: 1/10 (9 October 2005)

This has to be the worst, most manipulative, lowbrow, dreadful film I have ever seen. You cannot be older than 10, or have an IQ higher than the outside temperature on a blizzard-ridden midwinter's day in Antarctica, to appreciate this film. Goldblum is dreadful beyond belief- he can't even chew gum properly, and Neill and his girlfriend, whoever it is that plays her, are badly cast and deliver the disgracefully bad dialogue with cringe-inducing cheesiness. It is obvious from this that Spielberg values money and the distorted kind of fame that making the Blockbuster as an end-in-itself seems to guarantee, above all considerations of art or intelligence. His capitulation here to the lowest common denominator would be irredeemably shameful were it not for the moderate modicum of redemption he gained by making 'Schindler's List'. I imagine, and dearly hope, that Spielberg learnt his lesson from this disgraceful farce, so clearly engineered for people with an eight-year old mentality. Ironic, then, that this revolting tripe carried a PG-13 rating in many countries? Probably not. A lot of people seemed to love Jurassic Puke. Me being elitist? Possibly. A case of mass mental illness? Probably.