.....In Praise Of Being Uncool

Rating: 1/10 (27 January 2009)

If you have been one of the unfortunates to have actually seen Juno, and hated it, (and come here sometimes as I do to relish in the negative reviews), you have probably read and heard just about every negative comment there is to offer by now concerning this horrendous movie. Rather than repeat the obvious flaws that so many others before me have picked up on, I thought I would offer a few new and original observations that seemed to have gone unnoticed, or unmentioned about this dreadful movie.
1. Many have taken offense at the blatant bad taste in making a seemingly jovial comedy about teen pregnancy. But I have failed to see anyone anywhere take notice of the small, but clearly defined subplot of Juno's best friend and her penchant for "doing it" with teachers. In case anyone hasn't been reading any headlines lately, teachers, coaches, aides and other folks we trust to educate and set a good example for our children "poo tanging" with underage students is at an all time high. Not exactly something to poke fun at. Yet it has seemed to go unnoticed in Juno's wealth of wretchedness.
2. We are supposed to find Juno funny, snappy, hip, and of course grow close and affectionate of her as the movie progresses. However, can anyone reading this actually feel they would sympathize, or care about a young woman that when first seeing her baby in the ultra sound says:....."I can't believe there are saps that actually cry at this moment". Oh God......(sniff), did that ever come to getting the old eyes welling here for a girl so sweet. (Enter: Extreme sarcasm).
3. I noticed that even some of the most critical of reviewers here couldn't help but praise the performance of Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner as the idiot adoptive parents. Try as I might to find something to like about this movie, I cannot give any credit at all to Bateman and Garner. Someone please tell me what they did to get any recognition. I just cannot see it.
4. Oh and speaking of Jason Bateman, why is it that when he up and tells Juno that he is leaving his wife, not a word is mentioned in criticism of why he went and took out a full blown ad, met with Juno, and set up the whole adoption if he was all that wishy washy and unhappy to begin with? Oh......Juno gets mad at him all right and throws a tantrum. But she never once says....."Why did you set this whole thing up and promise me a set of parents if you weren't even happy?" "You stupid bastard." Not a word is mentioned about that. Did anyone else besides me even notice that as rather strange? Pea brained Bateman later in the scene tells Vanessa that he never said" he would be a good father". Yet earlier in the interview scene Juno asks Mark if he is ready to be a father and he says he "looks forward to coaching soccer and helping build volcano's for science projects". Maybe it's me but that sounds to me like someone who is saying he will be a good father. I guess the director and everybody else involved in this rotten movie forgot to proofread the whole script.
5. To carry on with Jason Bateman and his running out on Jennifer Garner at the 11th hour, what about "Vanessa's" reaction to it all. She neither cried, screamed, carried on, slapped him, or did anything else emotionally substantial for a woman that just found out a month before a new baby is to enter her life that she is being divorced, and all at once an instant single mother. Please tell me ladies, is there any woman out there who's biggest reaction to such an event would be sitting down on their stairs and sighing?, as was Vanessa's reaction? She acted more like he had just informed her the sewer is backing up. In real life, or even in a real movie, Jason would have been awakened by a well aimed two by four across the head and dumped on the curb.
In conclusion, Juno is the latest, and by far the worst example of just how far one will reach to avoid not being called cool. The real irony here however is that this garbage of a movie that has become the poster child for cool, is in essence the most totally plastic movie I have ever seen. People love Juno for they can call themselves cool. They laugh at Juno to be cool, are brought to tears at the end of Juno to be cool, and tell everyone else who hates it that they do so for they are NOT cool. Being cool simply has to be the one common denominator in all favorable reviews of this movie for Juno can be literally eviscerated with flaws. The same caliber of Academy members that honored movies like "Schindler's List", and "A Beautiful Mind" cannot possibly consider Juno to be worth even showing up at the awards. But nowadays heaven forbid they, or anyone else be accused of being "soooooo out of it". Alas, I remember a happy time when the Academy of arts and sciences were proud, card carrying members of the ultimate institute of snobbery. They thrived in snubbing the cutesy pie, record setting ticket sale movies for whatever theatrical release they considered totally dashing, and debonair. I can actually remember hating them for that back in my early days of youth. Now I can only hope we see a return of it. Let me be the very first, the "Norma Rae" if you will of those that are willing to hold their head high and proclaim they are so very...... uncool. Ladies and Gentleman..... Juno sucked.