The zipless pregnancy - a modern morality myth

Rating: 1/10 (14 January 2008)

Let's face it - Juno gives basically the same message as the Oprah movies, "Where the Heart is" and the slightly better dressed up "Waitress". Despite, the outward Napoleon Dynamite trappings and Grey's Anatomy-chic music, this is really a Lifetime morality tale. The reason for all these films is to promote the idea of the alternative to abortion, and to make it as palatable as possible. They exist to sell the myth of the "zipless" pregnancy, one with no consequences.
In the Walmart movie, and "Waitress", helpful god-fearing people magically appear to provide money and support so that the single mom can go to school or open a pie baking shop. To anyone north of the Mason-Dixie, under the age of 40 who goes to church less than regularly, these films are laughable. To reach these people, Juno simply avoids the mess and basically just ignores any of the real problems involved in pregnancy while dressing up the process to make it look "cool".
However, the "edginess" is forced and phony and very much on the surface. Our hip adoptive parent who likes slasher movies and grunge, is really just another "Lifetime" caricature - the-irresponsible-man-boy-possibly-creepo male, to be exact. The father is well-meaning and loving and the best of all Lifetime male archetypes - the unquestioning-supporter (after all a 16 year old female knows more than any 45 year old male could...). And our protagonist is that ultra-cool misfit girl who thinks she knows everything and actually does know everything (including who "Soupy Sales" is). She is so savvy that although she is a punk hard rocker - she also loves acoustic alternative folk. She also has a geek boyfriend - another unquestioning-supporter male - who looks like Napoleon Dynamite. The dialog is forcedly sharp - with vocabulary that a 25 year-old poseur might have used in the 80s ("boss???").
The morality play avoids the truly difficult questions: the emotional attachment to the child, the responsibility and feelings of the father and his family, the ostracism of a pregnant teen. These are brushed away as are the alternatives of keeping the baby, adoption by family members and of course ABORTION (legal, ethical and not a dirty word last I checked) which is treated as something gross for uncaring stupid people. And does our heroine learn to use contraceptives afterwards - no - condoms are grotty purple things for people with funny piercings not named Iggy Pop. She's so cool that she'll just abstain until she's ready.
Ugh. I prefer, honest manipulative films like "Reefer Madness" to subversive manipulative crap like "Requiem for a Dream" or "Juno". It's not that I don't support the option of having the baby but it definitely is not zipless and has consequences which can not and should not be ignored. Things are not going to be the same - they are not going to work themselves out - no kind stranger is going to raise the kid for you or give you a million dollars and a job. Teens understand this - better than the "boss" parents and clueless critics that will make this film a hit.