A Sitcom on Steroids

Rating: 6/10 (23 February 2008)

I went to see "Juno" expecting a quirky comedy-drama about an unplanned teen pregnancy, but what I saw left me dumbfounded. This movie isn't just quirky; it's quirky to the nth degree. It quickly became apparent that "Juno" was not meant to be a "realistic" movie about a painful subject leavened by humor; instead, it's a film in which most of the main characters seem to be in some kind of competition to see who can spout the highest number of wisecracks in the shortest amount of time. Basically, it's a sitcom on steroids.
In this movie, Juno MacGuff is a 16-year-old girl living in Minnesota who discovers she's pregnant a few months after a one-night stand with a close friend (not exactly boyfriend) named Paulie. She contemplates getting an abortion, but ends up deciding to give the baby away to a well-to-do young couple named Mark and Vanessa.
The film gets off to an ominous start as Juno returns to a convenience store to give herself a pregnancy test for the third time in the same day. When she enters the store, the young man behind the counter calls out, "Well, well - if it isn't MacGuff the Crime Dog! Back for another test?" Juno says, "I think the last one was defective. The plus sign looked more like a division sign. I remain unconvinced." The young man replies, "This is your third test today, Mama Bear. Your Eggo is preggo, no doubt about it." After Juno tests herself again, and the result is again positive, she shakes the tester, prompting the clerk to remark, "That ain't no Etch-a- Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, Homeskillet."
It's a fairly jaw-dropping scene, what with all the forced hostility-laced banter, but then comes the real shocker: 90 percent of the entire movie's dialogue is like this. Juno and Paulie may have lost their virginity, and their innocence, but they and their friends are never, ever at a loss for words. Even Juno's father gets into the act; told about his daughter's pregnancy, he muses about being a grandfather - or, as he puts it, a "pop-pop." Later, when Vanessa asks a visibly upset Juno why she's crying, the distraught girl, without missing a beat, tells her, "I'm not crying, I'm just allergic to fine home furnishing." (Oy, vey.)
Juno is meant to be a smart, sassy girl who marches to her own drummer. She's also filled with a ton of pop culture references, both past and present. A lot of people have jumped on the fact that at one point, Juno sarcastically describes a female classmate as looking like "Soupy Sales." These critics wonder how a 16-year-old in this day and age would know who Soupy Sales is; others defend the reference, saying it shows how eclectic Juno's tastes are. My feeling is: Even if she knows who Soupy Sales, White Fang and Black Tooth were, what about the friend she's talking to?
Just as dishonest as the implausibly snappy, mile-a-minute dialogue is the way "Juno" treats the subject of teen pregnancy, making it seem like a minor inconvenience. We're supposed to believe Juno is so self-assured and resourceful, she never once displays panic over her situation; telling her father and stepmother turns out to be no big deal, either.
Ellen Page is a charming Juno, even if she's overstuffed with too-clever-by-half one-liners. I liked Jennifer Garner as the very nice, if slightly dense, Vanessa, and Jason Bateman is just right as her husband, Mark. Veteran TV performers J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney are also welcome as Juno's parents, despite some of the dialogue they're required to speak.
Ultimately, though, the film is glib, IMHO. Not just because of the way it lightly treats teenage pregnancy, but also because I didn't feel the least bit enlightened by it. I came away from "Juno" without the slightest new insight into current attitudes, or today's kids. As a middle- aged person who *does* remember Soupy Sales, I'm wondering how teenagers are reacting to this film. Do they listen to the hyped-up dialogue and think that it's only a mildly exaggerated form of today's kidspeak, one they wish they were better at? Or do they shake their heads and think, "Nobody I know talks like that!"?