Too cutesy by half

Rating: 5/10 (1 January 2008)

When I saw the trailer for this film, what seems now like seven months ago now, I cringed. It came off as if the screenwriter was screaming "Aren't I quirky? Yay!" I was hoping, even praying, after the hugely positive reviews hit the street, that the trailer was just trying to sell it as a quirky indie flick, and that it was really just a heck of a lot better than that trailer, which, by the time it opened in the Twin Cities, whence screenwriter Diablo Cody hails, I had seen about a thousand times. Alas, no. Not only is it as bad as the trailer made it look, the trailer shows bits from just about every sequence in the film. It doesn't give away one of the movie's big twists, but it does give away about 75% of the jokes. What's truly pathetic is that only about one out of five jokes were funny anyway. And I wasn't the only one who thought so. The theater was packed (Twin Cities residents can't help but flock to any movie that even mentions the state of Minnesota, and the audience got excited at mere references to St. Cloud, Stillwater and Mankato), but not once did the audience collectively find anything uproarious. You'd hear some laughs at most of the jokes, but it was never everybody, and it was only ever sporadic. And the film had its fair share of gags that completely bombed, the audience entirely silent. The plot is incredibly shallow, and completely uninsightful about the issue of teenage pregnancy. Apparently, it's only a condition that requires belabored dialogue and a constant barrage of twee-pop songs to make it out okay. To make it worse, a large portion of the audience was made up of teenage girls. Between this and Britney Spears' sister, I predict teen pregnancy to be all the rage in 2008! Seriously, the whole film sometimes comes off as Diablo Cody making an embarrassing scramble to prove her indie cred. The Stooges! Dario Argento! Belle & Sebastian (okay, I love Belle & Sebastian, too, so sue me). For the most part, the characters are two-dimensional and come off as disconnected from any recognizable reality. For an instance, would an ultrasound technician express her satisfaction that a teen will not be raising the baby so audibly? Would the receptionist at Planned Parenthood treat a patient so cavalierly? The only characters who come off as anything close to three-dimensional are Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner. Garner in particular is outstanding among the actors, and, with this script, you can put all of the credit with her talent. Her scene in the mall is a knockout (perfect for an Oscar clip, yes?). Really, the performances in general are pretty good. As soon as I saw Ellen Page in X-Men 3, I knew she would be a star. I hate the fact that I think X-Men 3 is her best movie so far, despite the two others she's had that garnered some critical acclaim (Hard Candy and the film presently being discussed). I do wish they'd given Michael Cera, so funny in Superbad, a little more to do. I'd like to propose that we stop Diablo Cody before she strikes again. This script CANNOT win Best Original Screenplay. If I start the hunger strike now, I should be able to get some media coverage. Oh, who am I fooling