Mildly entertaining garbage

Rating: 3/10 (17 February 2017)

They're walking in a park and the guy says "stop". Then, ~100 people just stop like it's the manikin challenge. Apparently, everyone in this movie is an assassin. No one is walking in a park in the middle of a day except assassins. They make it seem like the ratio of assassins to non-assassins is 100/1. The homeless guy begging for change: assassin. The woman playing a violin in the subway station: assassin. All backed by some ancient assassins network that uses blood markers to guarantee assassinations. Kept in a binder with some rich guy in New York. If you stop for just a moment and think of how implausibly dumb this plot is, you begin to understand this is more of a comedy than an action flick. Let's kill people, then leave our DNA on a marker associated with the person who wanted them killed (which also happened to be our fingerprint), then let's hire women to run an operator exchange to send out text messages to thousands of stranger's phones with information on the inevitable murder of someone. Sounds legit! Even past the terribly implausible plot, the acting is just horrible. Reeves barely speaks 2 words when he talks. They come off sounding exactly the same. Quiet and awkward. Like, is he on Xanax the entire film cause he sounds like he's stoned. Then, occasionally, he'll speak a foreign language. Does it sound like he's fluent? No. It sounds like he's regurgitating his rehearsed lines. Just a weird way for the director to try and make it seem like John Wick is this insanely talented, worldly hit man. Wick thrusts a knife into a guy's heart and tells him it's stuck in his aorta. If he removes it, he'll bleed to death. To think anyone aside from, say, Terminator, would know exactly where you stabbed someone or where inside of their body the knife ended up down to the centimeter -- is pathetically stupid. It's implausible, as is the rest of the movie. Lastly, the fight scenes (although also implausible) are halfway decent. The only problem I have with them is Reeves is not cut out for being a talented mixed martial artist. He doesn't have the build. His hips are too wide and his shoulders not enough. He honestly looks a little clumsy.