No time for Snoopy . . .

Rating: 6/10 (27 October 2014)

. . . as the cold-blooded murder of JOHN WICK's pet beagle results in the violent killings of 81 men and one woman. To add insult to injury, "Daisy" the late beagle is replaced by a pit bull! All the trouble can be traced to the White Russian mobsters who control the New York City and other U.S. metro areas in Real Life. (We just saw the exact same thing in THE DROP and THE EQUILIZER; seeing it twice on the Big Screen might be a coincidence, but having it shown THREE TIMES in a month proves it's true!) These foreign-born ruffians have no respect for American Values such as beagles, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet. They spend most of their time Jibber-Jabbering away in Foreign--which no one else can understand--plotting against our welfare and beagles. (Incomprehensibly, millions of taxpayer dollars subsidize countless school and college students in their scheme to learn these plotter "language" codes, with no background checks whatsoever!) JOHN WICK's neighborhood cop, "Jimmy," has encased all of John's guns in concrete due to noise complaints, and John can barely retrieve them in time to avenge "Daisy." With more and more of America's dogs in the news for learning now to shoot the bad guys themselves, it's heart-warming to learn that the BANGS organization (Broke Americans Need Gun Stamps) has awarded the Real Life animal actor who portrayed "Daisy" an honorary "Beagle Americans Need Gun Shells" tag.