Made by yuppie scum, for yuppie scum. DIE YUPPIE SCUM!!

Rating: Null/10 (4 January 2001)

Big cheese sports agent Tom Cruise is struggling to find meaning in his lucrative shark-in-a-suit, love-em-and-leave-em, what's-my-client's-name-again existence. In a fit of what passes for normality in this movie he writes a "shocking" Mission Statement and loses his job. His only supporters are his sole client Cuba Gooding Jr., and lowly clerical worker Renee Zellweger, who works for him for apparently no salary, takes him home to her sister and sickly little boy, and of course falls in love with him. Of course Tom has to redeem himself and prove he's worthy of Renee by the most meaningful challenge the writers could think of (one that's undoubtedly near and dear to their hearts) - getting his overpaid client millions and millions of dollars instead of just millions of dollars.
The first thing that I can't stand about the movie is that it's deadly serious about all those buzzwords and management fads that make my teeth crawl in real life. Like how Tom loses his job over a Really Important Mission Statement - have you ever known an actual working human being (not a yuppie) who takes those things seriously? And the way Tom constantly uses the phrase "Customer Service" to make his firing worthwhile and give meaning to his shallow existence. In the real world "Customer Service" has an entirely different meaning: It's a terrifying buzzword that inhuman managers use to mean "I don't just want 8 hours of work from my employees - I want to control every aspect of their behavior, I want to micromanage away their individuality, I want their very souls!". And the writers seem to think it's inspirational.
Tom Cruise is as slick and shallow as Cameron Crowe's direction, all dazzling grins and big-eyed vulnerable looks photographed from the most flattering angle, his usual Star performance. The supporting cast is excellent, in fact much better than the two leads. Bonnie Hunt as Renee's bitter sister has all the good lines and shares scene-stealing honors with five-year-old Jonathan Lipnicki, a genuinely cute child actor, and the lively and charming Cuba Gooding Jr. But it's Renee Zellweger's `Dorothy' who delivers the other killer blow to what might have been a good. better film. The character is the most annoying female lead of recent years. She's introduced on an airplane where the audience is supposed to feel sorry for her because she has to fly coach! Where she isn't given ONE glass of champagne, oh da poor widdle ting! Face it, her character is truly gullible and dimwitted, and like many badly written female characters, never talks about her own needs, just what she can do for Jerry. She's not a written as a person, she and her kid are just there to allow Jerry The Jerk to show his vulnerable, caring side - in relationships that are 100% All About Him. (Plus she strongly reminds me of some real-life women who act vulnerable and self-sacrificing, and are in fact manipulative bitches)
In short, if you like this film you probably are or aspire to be the kind of yuppie who inspired the catchphrase "Die Yuppie Scum". Let this movie serve not as entertainment, but as a test and a wake-up call. If you enjoy it at all, or identify with Tom, or even go through the whole film without ever once wanting to hit any of these people - change your life immediately! It may not be too late for you to rejoin the human race!
DIE YUPPIE SCUM!!!