Birth control necessary

Rating: 10/10 (5 August 2013)

This exceptional movie is a tribute to the awesomeness that is Tom Cruise. It is a movie about a god, a defender of humanity, guardian of justice, stimulator of the unsuspecting vaginas, protector of the universe, and overall a nice simple guy. In the span of 130 godly minutes, we observe this lonesome former military medal-crunching genius hero emerge from his life of simplicity in order to solve a seemingly straightforward crime. An experienced womaniser, amazing fighter, exceptional driver, excellent sharpshooter, and overall a nice simple guy, Jack Reacher uses his photographic memory and almost metaphysical reasoning skills to uncover an evil conspiracy. In the end the truth prevails, the innocent go free, the guilty go dead, and the lone mysterious stranger rides in the sunset, fighting the evil wherever it may be. If you thought this movie is about Tom Cruise overcoming his middle-age crisis, you were wrong. Its about Tom Cruise spreading his testosterone in a 130 minutes of pure visual ejaculation, whilst us viewers are left on our knees, humiliated and humbled by what can only be considered as a tribute to the ultimate human being.