That one scene in Toy Story is scarier than this whole movie. I am not exaggerating.

Rating: 1/10 (26 August 2016)

Wow, this movie is something else. To start, the fact that it's claiming to be a horror film is borderline insulting to the viewer considering it has absolutely nothing remotely unsettling in its one hundred minute duration. Honestly, this film is so aggressively not scary that I'm impressed the director somehow got a studio to sell this as a horror movie. Seriously, who would genuinely get so petrified by some dude that incessantly follows you at half a mile per hour? Hasn't the guy who wrote this ever been to Baltimore?
Anyways, besides the complete lack of scares, the film also fails on nearly every other level. Both the cast and the monster are forgettable in every way. I can't decide which characters are given less backstory: the adolescents or "It". All the viewer knows about these elements are the humans' names and the mechanism by which "It" is transmitted. That's all. Why should I be rooting for the characters if the writers purposely made them so surface-deep?
Concerning the film's style and tone (which critics apparently couldn't praise enough), I thought it was lukewarm, although I will admit the score was the one thing I could begin to attempt to use the word "good" to describe. Unfortunately, no film can subsist on style alone. There is so little substance in this movie that I actually checked if I had accidentally chosen the wrong movie, given the above-average expectations that the critical acclaim caused me to have.
To sum it up, this movie is unbelievably bad, not because it was irrevocably lame and boring, but because there was nothing positive to glean from this film. If there was a message, I missed it. If there were scares, I missed them. If there was a beginning, middle, and end, I missed it. At least Eragon (2006), a similarly awful production, made me appreciate the source material a little more. This film gives its audience nothing. I am convinced that the ultra-high 97% fresh rating "It Follows" has is a practical joke. There is no way that is legit.
Don't see this movie. It is the movie that I most wish I never wasted time watching.