Did I actually just finish watching the same film as everyone else?

Rating: 2/10 (7 May 2015)

This is probably the second film I've ever reviewed on here (and I've been an IMDb member for many years now). The reason I've felt compelled to do so is twofold: first off, I can honestly say without the slightest amount of exaggeration that I'm a "horror moviephile"; I've probably seen most all of the horror films ever made during the past 40 years from all over the world. Despite the risk of coming off sounding pretentious, I really and truly know the horror genre.
The second reason I've decided to review this film came down to the utterly horrible disconnect between the word-of-mouth rave reviews this film got (along with all of the assorted "best horror I've ever seen" tripe that I've hear strewn forth from many a source) and the actual material.
Well, I'll try to be as non-hyperbolic as possible. After watching the film, I literally...and I do mean LITERALLY... had to check to make sure if the film I just got done seeing was the same one that garnered all of those positive reviews. Apparently it was?!?! I don't know where to start, but I'll try. It was very slow and boring, and was not, and I do mean NOT suspenseful or frightening at all. In fact, I got to the point where I was even begging for a cheesy and cheap jump-scare, just so that I could feel something other than boredom, even if it was just for a moment. But no, not even a jump scare.
So here we are: no gore or special effects to speak of, no suspense, no horror, no interesting plot (actually, no real plot to speak of more involved than the game of "tag, you're it!"), no likable or realistic characters.... can someone PLEASE tell me how this film managed to garner so many positive reviews???? How???? How?????????? To be fair, as I stated previously, I have seen most all horrors out there, so perhaps I may be jaded... but if any of you are interested in a REAL horror film... one that actually lives up to the genre's name and that will remain with you for a long long time, watch "Martyrs". "Martyrs" is the nigh-perfect exemplar of and opus which exudes ultimate shock and horror. Coming in behind "Martyrs" is another gem called "High Tension". I think that aspiring horror directors/producers should be required to at least watch those two films before they even consider working in this genre.
For risk of this review turning into a "Martyrs" love-fest, I have to say that Martyrs is the ultimate epitome of a horror film, and even though I'm just about 39, I think that I will see out the rest of my life without experiencing any greater thrill that I felt when I saw Martyrs.
Anyway, who knows? In my shock and disbelief, my research was not that extensive, so I may actually find out that I have been pranked, and that I have just got done watching counterfeit instead of the actual "It Follows" film. If that is the case, I promise I will come back and edit this post. Until then, I have to slowly walk away in utter disgust and disappointment in how such a film which I had so much wonderfully high hopes and expectations for ended up leaving me feel empty, cheated, and disillusioned.