For simple minded, Stranger Things loving, millennials

Rating: 1/10 (10 September 2017)

If you've ever seen the original, and you have even the slightest modicum of respect for originality, story telling and artistic integrity, this movie should infuriate you. Firstly, it isn't really a movie. There is no story. It's basically just a 2 hour collection of different sorts of scares. The brilliance with the original was that it was a story of kids torn apart by a traumatic event, and then brought back together as adults to face their fears and avenge their friend. Great story. But this version was essentially a haunted house on the screen. They abandoned the kid to adult story and just focused on a group of kids getting scared. There was way too much "comedy" being sprinkled throughout. You know, the lame kind where the characters make some unoriginal comment and everyone in the movie theater bursts out laughing like Dave Chappelle just hit his stride on stage. And the random love stories among the kids that didn't matter or further any narrative. I could write a 10,000 word essay going into the depths of all that is wrong with this movie so I'll stop. The worst of all is watching all of America fall in love with this. It makes me feel like a cynical jerk, but I think really it's just a clear sign of the dumbing down of people on this earth. No one respects or cares about great storytelling anymore. Just give them cheap pop-up scares and they will be happy. It really is sad.