Warner Bros. hired contractors to deftly rewrite IT . . .

Rating: 8/10 (12 September 2017)

. . . to Perfectly Allegorize the Deplorable Conditions in Current Day America. Filmed in Canada to minimize interference from the treasonous Putin Administration now infesting the swamps in Washington, DC, IT depicts the Squalid, God-Forsaken Reality of an American Empire on its knees, emphasizing the Fetid Pipelines sprouting up under Putin's Environmental Pollution Agency Tsar Scott "Just Ruin It" Pruitt, the brain-dead generation of USA children lobotomized by Putin's Billionairess "For-Profit" Charter Brain-Washing Chain Secretary of Miseducation Betsy "Amway Calling" DeVos, and the Pacebo-based PutinCare Regime being foisted upon Americans by Ill-Health Secretary Tom "The Price is Wrong!" Warner suggests that since the Red Commie KGB pawns supporting Putin's Putsch possess most of America's guns, We the True Blue Loyal Patriotic Normal Average 99 Per Center Progressive Union Label Citizens--represented here by Bill, Ben, Beverly, Mike, Richie, and Eddie--MUST take out these Fifth Columnist Quisling Putin Miscreants by Any Means Necessary, including nap-time attacks with switch-blades to the neck and bashing out brains with ambush cudgelings launched from behind shower curtains. Warner warns us that this is likely to be a long, slow slog, since they label their revised flick as "IT: Chapter One."