One of the worst movies I have ever watched....and I'm an action/comic fan!

Rating: 1/10 (13 January 2015)

Okay, I don't want to overstate things here, so I'll just casually say that this is well and truly one of the worst movies I've seen in a long, long, long time.
Where do I start? I can go on and on about how boring, stupid, repetitive, predictable, typical and unbelievable in the worst possible way this movie is. Despite the fact that it goes without saying the movie is based on a fantasy comic book superhero, this pushes the boundaries of idiocy and juvenile.
So, rather than write a 15 page diatribe on what is so poor about this waste of 2 hours, I thought it best to summarise these flaws in point form.
* Three missile-shooting helicopters are powerful enough to blow up a heavily fortified house, destroy several "better model" Iron Man suits, a dozen armour-plated vehicles and an entire Cliffside...yet his unsuccessful, aluminium-plated prototype survives - no, thrives even, saving everyone's life all on it's own as though the "suit" is it's own sentient being. * terrorists use heavily armoured helicopters, but they are obviously no match for a wooden piano flying through a triple-plated glass wall and, without deviation to its trajectory, 50 metres in a straight line through the air. * a 12 year old kid from Tennessee sounds like he's from upstate New York, is smarter than most college graduates, and talks/behaves like an adult. Seriously, why do action movies have kids in them to add a bit of "Ying to his Yang" only to make the kid a small version of an adult? * where did all those Iron Man suits come from? Suddenly he doesn't have a few - he's got 600 of them, and each of them can fly on their own, plan tactics, rescue people and attack the bad guys (that is, after they've identified who they are...all on their own). * how many explosions does Pepper survive? A cut on the cheek? Yep, that's enough to convince me she was "lucky" the entire building collapsed around her and not on her. * I still don't understand...what is the bad guy's problem? So he got stood up on a rooftop - that's enough to be an international terrorist? * Slow motion does not mean everything else slows down except for the main character...who can suddenly move in real time. That's another superhero altogether. * Why does Stark need his suit anyway? Without it, he's like the Hit-man and Solid Snake combined - dodging bullets, throwing bombs, kicking ass and being heroic all whilst being suave and cool and sexy. * Guy Pearce's performance was okay, but wasted on this piece of trash. Sir Ben Kingsley shows why he was knighted just for being the amazing actor he is, but this movie is well beneath his talents. Don Cheadle is a good actor who, unfortunately, seems to like picking crap roles. And Downey Jnr. is, well, the same in this movie as he has been in every single movie he's done since coming back from constant rehab and cocaine and rehab sessions. * and I thought they overdid the acrobatics with Legolas - it seems that Stark can never fall, get injured or be left alone with his nemesis without some sudden appearance from his "suits". * super Pepper takes down the Iron Man suit in one punch - despite a barrage of super-super fire-breathing henchmen unable to make a friggin dent.
I cannot believe that I wasted 2 hours of my existence watching this garbage. I've never seen anything worse in the 36 years I've been alive, and I doubt I will in the coming 36 years. And this is coming from a man who loves action movies, generally doesn't mind comic book adaptations, and is ever hopeful that the wider movie watching public will one day appreciate them more than simply those who are fans. But, in saying all that, these disappointments provide more than enough evidence to prove why, maybe, they are made too often lately. Let's hope this was the last movie with Downey Jnr., and Iron Man, and that Gwyneth Paltrow can get a real job...say, flipping burgers at McDonald's.