Deus Ex War Machina

Rating: 1/10 (3 May 2013)

You have been diagnosed with Iron Man 3. Symptoms may include:
The Oily Discharge, The Trapped Under Something Heavy, The Friend in The Hospital, The Token Black Sidekick, The Trapped Under Something Heavy Again, The Trapped Under Something Heavy For The Third And Fourth Times, The Buddy Flick, The Double Cross, The Identity Crisis, The Panic Attack, The Rocky Relationship, The President in Danger, The Villain Monologue(s), The Glorified Extra, The Evil War Veteran, The Trapped Under Something Underwater, The Henchman, The I Can't Quite Reach You, The Falling, The Annoying Little Aryan Boy, The Christmas Movie, The Wisecrack, The Ex Girlfriend, The Product Placement, The Happy Ending and The Trapped Under Something Heavy With Fire.
Either every scene was written by a totally different person or they filmed six months of an Iron Man TV show and spliced 23 episodes down to two hours. Two hours of people getting trapped under something heavy.
Aside from the absolutely hilarious and priceless Ben Kingsley and the inventive Robert Downey Jr., this is the biggest stinky floater of a train wreck script made since Batman and Robin. I'd blame Shane Black, but the best thing he was ever a part of was McTiernan's Predator, and they killed his character off quickly in that jungle. Marvel Comics is working as hard as they can to run their properties into the ground faster than they can reboot them.