Wait, What?

Rating: 1/10 (11 August 2016)

I have been watching iron man since I was about 14 and read the comics from time to time. So when the films came out i was exited. But iron man seems to have this thing where it looks like a good solid film until it gets to the last 10 minutes of it.
So when Iron man 3 rolled around and I seen the trailer, It looked amazing! Now I know all about the mandarin and his background story . But when I seen Ben Kingsley in that green robe and the rings with the top knot, Bricks where shat in the best possible way, Even although he didn't look like a green Ming the Merciless (Praise Be) I knew from what I had seen in the trailer and the acting skills of Ben Kingsley that he will pull it off no problem.
All I wanted was to see Tony Stark pushed to the limit by his arch nemesis the mandarin.
But no.
What did I get instead? Tony Starks crappy suits that run out of power and get ripped apart by human torches, I thought the comic book title was the invincible iron man, Not, Holy crap nobody sneeze or fart up in this joint because my cardboard suits will fall apart.
Then the part where he spends time with that kid.WHY! You wasted about 15 minuets of mandarin and iron man fighting.
But I can forgive all of that. Because the mandarin was still the scary bad guy and with the voice of Ben Kingsley and the look he gives the camera when he's on the screen, I was still into the film.Just.
Then the unbelievable happened. The mandarin is not the real mandarin. You want to know how to mess up a film? That's how! It was Guy Pearce's character, remember him? Me neither. You had one job and you where doing it just fine until that part. I didn't care if he had no magic powers or wasn't green and or Asian, the whole terrorist thing was working and I was OK with that.
But then you fecked it all up by making him a dumb generic character that gets defeated by Gwyneth goddam Paltrow in spandex. He. Is. The. Mandarin. He can rip tony stark suits apart with his bare hands without any use of his rings! Witch according to this film anyone and their granny can do.
Everyone in this film is so stupid. Tony can't build a suit worth a dam and he doesn't even care! No one gives a dam who Guy Pearce's characters name is or his crappy back story. See I can't even remember and that is a whole different realm of blasphemy because it's Guy Pearce! You wasted Guy Pearce you c**ts.
Look I can even make a better story line. The mandarin and tony fight a big corporate war that nearly bankrupts tony and then he realises through some kind of epiphany who he is and what he's all about! And that the mandarin has bee using one of his mental powers to screw with his mind. Then the mandarin dons his robe and rings and tony gets his new super awesome suit and then they fight and smash the place up for about a good 20min. Then tony gets the upper hand but only just. There you're done.