Comic Bookish in a Bad Way; Best Part: The Cast

Rating: 5/10 (18 May 2008)

"Iron Man"'s best feature is its cast: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges, Terence Howard, Clark Gregg and Shaun Toub are all serious actors who have been in actually good movies. They can afford to slum in drek like this. They don't slum, though. All of them act up a storm, as if the script were actually worth something. Good for them. Robert Downey Jr. is fascinating to watch, and Gwyneth Paltrow is adorable and appealing as something of a female lead (remember, this is a movie for boys.)
Otherwise, though, "Iron Man" is not one of those comic book movies like the Christian Bale "Batman" or the over the top, guilty pleasure "300" that transcends its genre. "Iron Man" is an obvious, pathetic fantasy for men and boys who are insecure because they feel unattractive, weak, stupid, and incompetent. Tony Stark / Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) is granted superhuman powers of intelligence, sex appeal, and power. The movie, heavy-handed and obvious, announces, within the first five minutes, that Tony Stark had sex with all of Maxxim's cover models, and, presumably as part of his super powers, he apparently did not contract one social disease by doing so. Stark goes on to seduce a woman who hates him, and, again this is all within the first few minutes. He stiffs his friend to play dice in Vegas, he flies his private jet around the world, and, in a cave, using scrap metal and an open fire, he invents a wearable suit that resists close range automatic weapons fire. He also, for some reason, inserts a glowing device, that looks a lot like a smoke detector, into his chest. Tony lives in a spectacular house in Malibu, he parks shiny sports cars where the camera will be sure to see them, and a train of white, black, young, and old sycophants follow him around, complimenting his every move. Gee, Tony, you're a genius. Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, whatever. Even within the boundaries of comic book movies, none of this is believable, and it's frightening to think of the childlike minds that will find it appealing.
The movie lacks a strong narrative drive. Tony's agenda, his enemies, his location, and even his Iron Man suit, change too often. The movie is chopped into episodic bits. The plot twists are not surprising.