A steaming pile of CGI garbage.

Rating: 1/10 (14 November 2008)

Featuring the very latest in computer generated effects and a plot that would insult a retarded six year old, Ironman is the latest in a long line of Hollywood product culled from the dizzying literary heights of superhero comic books.
Product this disposable doesn't happen by accident. Teams of industry product makers work around the clock for years to make something this tasteless, tedious and utterly bland. Don't even try to characterize this product as a "movie." It simply isn't.
If Ironman was edible, it would be a jar of baby food. Library paste flavored baby food. If it were music, it would be chopsticks. If it were a vehicle, it would be a tricycle. A tricycle with training wheels. If it were...
What? Oh yeah, the product. It's something about the usual gazillionaire playboy who flies around in a sooper-dooper extra-gadgety metal suit and frees Afghanistan from the Evil Brown People, making the country safe for, I dunno, oil companies I guess. The plot is such a pile of moronic sub-juvenile drivel it's impossible to focus on for more than a few minutes before being distracted by something more interesting like, say, the butter-flavored grease stains on the bottom of your popcorn bag.
Contempt for it's audience drips from every frame of this product. No doubt the droolcase fanboy target audience will be thrilled to down to their Batman Under-Roos by Downey's lackluster performance as he sleepwalks through the product's repulsive hero role. The product is certainly simple enough for people who regard Cheetos as food group and think repetitively boring video games are the apex of computer technology.
But aside from it's pimply focus group, the only other audiences to which this product could possibly appeal would be coma patients and Scientologists. And you'd probably have to tie down the coma patients.