Conceived and Directed by an Eight Year Old Boy

Rating: 1/10 (11 January 2011)

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I hoped that Iron Man 2 would at least be hilariously bad: I was under no illusions - I did not expect that it would be of any credit or worth to mankind, or even the lower species - but I did think that those guilty would have at least managed the bare minimum: acting that gave the impression the actor gave a damn about being there; character development; meaningful (in the context of the film) events and characters; and so forth.
What was delivered made me think that an eight year old boy had conceived and directed the film - or was at least a much-utilised consultant to such an extent that they broke child-labour laws: at one point, believe it or not, two men in metal suits - not robots, mind - had a fight while the Daft Punk song 'Robot Rock' played...is the population full of retards not under the care of the State? Or are their carers actually permitted or encouraged to allow their meagre mental faculties to be abused and atrophied yet further with idiocy such as Iron Man 2, for some abstract reason i'm ignorant of?
The crux of the film was meant to be that main idiot (Robert Downy jr..) was dying, and there was no way to stop it - but there was nothing at all done by the film-makers to convey any sort of tension with regards this critical part of the plot. Alongside this was meant to be some sort of adversarial relationship with Mickey Rourke - but Rourke had about five minutes of screen time in the two-hours this insult to the human race debased existence - including a final showdown with Downy which was as tense as the rest of the film - that is, as tense as a used condom sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Which is where all these criminals should be, really - for the good of us all, including themselves: i'm sure they don't wish to continue hurting their loved ones and society by creating such abhorrence as this.
And if they do: then we have all the justification we need to do away with them.
(Check my profile for my blog address, where I have more film/society reviews.)