Red Alert!

Rating: 1/10 (30 May 2015)

I created this profile just to warn other innocent viewers to steer clear of this monumentally boring, confused and improbable story.
SPOILERS AHEAD!
This is THE suspension of disbelief movie, if you like the concept, you've found your turkey. The movie begins with an unbelievable future America that is turning into a dust-bowl. The US has no more armed forces, we are told (This is like asking us to believe America will one day move to Mongolia) and the only crop left is corn, acres and acres of it. Perhaps this explains why the whole movie is so corny.
The hero lives with his daughter and son and father in a farm, which is "haunted" (books fall off shelves). One day, they are driving their pickup when they get a flat tire, and immediately upon this an Indian??air force drone flies by and they chase it to retrieve its solar cells - flat tire notwithstanding - through miles and miles of corn. This event has NOTHING to do with the rest of the story and is never mentioned again.
Then they go to his children's school, where he's told his son is not smart enough to become an engineer, just a farmer, but his daughter is very smart. Uh.
When they get home, the "ghost" has attracted the crop machinery back to his house (and drops a few books too). But wait, he soon realizes (just how is not very clear) that it is not a ghost but a GRAVITATIONAL wave transmitting coordinates in Morse code???
He drives with daughter at night to the coordinates and TA-DA! They have found what's left of NASA! Scientists have secretly known that soon even corn will die and are preparing A) A giant space station where ALL of mankind can go (all 7 billion of us...sure) or B)A space incubator that will restart human population on another world. Of course, as we all know, this is far simpler than protecting crops or altering them genetically.
Oh yes, and they want our hero to fly the spaceship to other potentially habitable worlds. Did I mention that some mysterious unbelievably advanced aliens who want to help us have conveniently created a huge plot hole, I mean, worm hole, near Saturn, and that this wormhole can be navigated through to another galaxy? (Don't ask me which). Of course, as we all know, placing wormholes around Saturn is far simpler than protecting Earth's crops.
And so off they go, not before some of the corniest scenes of "Daddy don't leave me", literally smack in the middle of corn, but the plot (or whatever this is) must go on.
They hibernate through 2 years of space travel to Saturn (at this point I was seriously considering hibernating myself) and when they get there, they dive into the friendly plot hole, I mean, wormhole, at the other end of which they must choose between 3 planets (they had already sent 3 explorers ahead, one to each planet).
The first one is covered in waist-deep water, with HUGE swells the size of mountains, that never break, in defiance of the laws of physics. The explorer they sent ahead is dead (from boredom I guess). Oh yes, and because it's close to the plot-hole time passes very fast on it, one hour is like 7 years back on Earth. A truly enticing candidate to colonize.
The second planet is icy, and they awaken the 2nd explorer, who has lied to them, sent false data, they find out the planet is uninhabitable, but he wanted someone to come rescue him, and then tries to kill everyone in order to save the mission. Wait, you did not understand his logic? Neither did I.
Of course, probes and remote sensors are not part of this movie's universe, you have to personally LAND on a planet to see that it's deep frozen in ammonia or has moving mountains of water every 5 minutes.
Then they get back to the station - oh yes, by this time 2 or 3 astronauts have died - I do not remember for sure, as they were as expendable as fuel and as captivating as corn.
In the end, he sends the girl astronaut to the last planet - which might mean her death, but hey he wants to be chivalrous - and dives into the plot hole - I mean, black hole - to see what's inside it. Finally....TA- DA! We see what's inside the black hole: A library! His house's library room, where he can see his daughter, and he tries to contact her to tell her that gravity can bend time, and with this solve the Earth's problems!
But since she cannot hear him (the scenes are ridiculous, he floats behind the bookshelves, I half expected him to put his head among the books and shout "Peek-a-boo" to her at any moment) he has to send her the information through...Morse code!
Get it? HE was the ghost all along, through the power of corn, I mean, the power of love! She figures it out, because her old watch's hand is trembling (A sensible and very logical conclusion) and cries EUREKA! and saves the day!
Well, after this rigmarole noodly black hole, I mean, plot hole, in the end he is saved, he is now in the future, meets his dying old daughter, and she tells him to go back to meet the girl astronaut in the 3rd planet she is.
And all this circumvented, confusing, over-corny plot-hole-ridden monstrous nonsense is told in such a slurred, corny, slow agonizing rhythm at least THIS part works, you actually believe the black hole can really slow down time - because the film lasts 3 hours, but feels more like 20.
Good points? The movie ends. It takes forever, but it ends.