Feel-stupid movie of the century.

Rating: 2/10 (12 March 2015)

Do you enjoy getting a root canal? Do you like watching paint dry? Do you easily tear up hearing sappy dialogue tugging at your heartstrings? Do you feel your life is too action-packed and needs an injection of boredom? Do you loathe scientific accuracy? Do you like church organs and Matt Damon? If the answer to all of the above is a resounding "yes!", then Interstellar is the perfect movie for you!
Somewhere in the near future, the World is in dire straits and our food resources are quickly running out. We need a bold and brilliant idea to save the human race, and we need it NOW. So we call Matthew McConaoughoughuoaughey, who plays a cool, whispering, southern crop- dusting farmer (yeah, it's one of his more challenging roles) who apparently used to be an astronaut. No need to train him or do any tests of any sort - we just let him captain human kind's last hope and put him on a space ship the next day. Yup, no big black plot holes there.
Apparently humanity is now able to navigate black holes - but are unable to create a robot that doesn't look like a ridiculous Tetris brick, and isn't as impractical as jumping out of a plane only wearing a cocktail dress. Also, we can't find solutions to an immediate and alarming famine that threatens to wipe out humanity - but we have the means to send people to far regions of space, have invented cryostasis and a bunch of other 23rd century gadgets. Oh, and don't bother trying to make sense of the whole premise, that the world is in dire need of help NOW - yet our top scientist sends humanity's last hope on a mission built on a false premise, that he knows will fail, and most likely will take many decades to complete. No. Just DON'T question that!
Just like the people back on Earth, you will grow about 90 years older watching this movie. It may sound a bit harsh, I know - but consider spending close to three hours listening to Matthew "Can I take my szszszshirt off?" McConaughey trying to be cool while lisping and vocal frying his way through space (yes, the way he has done the past 10 movies he made). While he's busy doing that, an amazingly inept and irksome Anne Hathaway makes it hard not to put your fist through the screen, or pull out the last strands of hair you have left. And just as I thought things couldn't possibly get any better; Matt Damon suddenly pops up as a "welcome" surprise. Thankfully, they didn't credit him on IMDb, so all of us who enjoy the incredible range of Mr. Damons two facial expressions had the pleasure of this amazing cameo "gift". Thank you SO much.
And the music? Nolan went for a quiet soundscape, so he asked Hans Zimmer to only score about 1/3 of the movie. So naturally, Zimmer filled that third with a church organ, mixed so perfectly that at times it's impossible to even hear the dialogue.
I have absolutely no idea why people find this movie praise-worthy. I honestly don't. I guess Nolan is the M. Night Shyamalan of the decade: Remember "6th sense"? Everybody praised that movie and the following few movies he created for being different, thought- provoking etc. Then came a slew of incomprehensible flicks, where all we got was building suspense, scary music andwell, that was basically it. Slowly the vast majority of former M. Night fans began to understand what others saw from the get-go: That you can only fool people into believing that what you're making is brilliant art for so long. After a while they will stop "interpreting" your work - and see it for what it is: Pretty much nothing. The Emperor's New Clothes all over again. But that's the thing; when served nonsense, some people will interpret their confusion as being in the presence of a great director. Others will call it they way they see it: non-sensical. Don't get me wrong; I like some of Nolan's work. I never understood Inception, and it left me cold - but at least the cinematography was beautiful. With his Batman movies he upped the ante of the whole superhero genre by combining great action with believable character development. Interstellar does none of that. Even the cinematography is bland, especially considering the possibilities and tools available to directors nowadays. I can think of nothing more mind-boggling than space travel, yet Nolan manages to completely underwhelm our visual sense with the imagery in this movie.
If you liked "Gravity", chances are you are going to love "Interstellar". If you happened to think "Gravity" was an absolute insult to anyone with an IQ over 90, or anyone who has seen more than two movies in their entire life - then "Interstellar" will be 3 very long hours. On the other hand, you can watch the movie while kicking your shin really hard against a coffee table. That might remove focus from the pain - of watching the movie. If you're into shrooms or meth, this movie will most likely make more sense to you - depending on how much you take.
I'm giving this movie 5 stars, mostly for comic value. Then I subtract 1 star because Anne Hathaway's character is so unfathomably inept, 1 star for McConaughey's annoying whistling lisp and perpetual difficulty making sense while trying to sound cool, and 1 star for the sheer presence of Matt Damon. Like a black hole, that guy can suck any and all life and believability out of any scene or movie without even trying. 2 stars. You're welcome.
PS: They all meet George Clooney's ghost at the end.