I Don't Get All These "Scariest Movie Ever" Reviews

Rating: 3/10 (14 July 2019)

After watching the movie, I wasn't impressed. I figured I'd get on here and see what other reviewers had to say that might change my mind a little, as well as what some interesting facts were that could maybe influence my negative opinion to a possibly less negative (or even forgiving) one. I didn't want to just type my first impression having not really thought about it all too much for it to be nothing more than a negative, unhelpful rant of garbage.
Unfortunately, nothing changed my opinion. Everything reinforced it.
I'm a huge fan of Patrick Wilson, but this movie is by far not one of his best examples of his acting talents. He looked just as bored as everyone else on screen. The movie drags on as monotonous as it possibly can while providing many overly obvious jump scares.
What bugged me the most was how some of the imagery in this movie had the potential to be so much more impactful if it had been treated a little better. The only thing that will stick with you after this film is Tiny Tim's "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" and even then I don't know how grateful you'd be for that because it's truly obnoxious. There's clearly a reason why there's so many memes out there of this movie. Not because it's "so scary", or genuinely demented, but because it's a joke. Instead of being tuned in for the scare of a lifetime, viewers will spend their time amazed at how they've all of the sudden became a psychic due to newfound abilities to know what's going to happen in the movie ages before it happens.
When it comes to the ending of the movie, it was so lazily done. It feels more like a glorified Worldstar video that should be on reddit than it does a tension packed, twist ending. It had me in disbelief that James Wan directed this. The same James Wan that would go on to handle The Conjuring so well, and had brought us Saw, had made this colorless, lifeless garbage that was on my television right now. How disappointing.
If you haven't seen this movie, don't bother. It's nothing more than an overhyped laughing stock that tries and fails to be the Poltergeist of its time. Even then, if you still insist, grab some friends and some beers and get ready to indulge each other in some MST3K style banter as one cannot hesitate to poke fun at the garbage fire that is this movie. If you have a hard time finding it to watch, check the $5 bin at Walmart. I'm sure it'll be there.