I felt like I was dying inside

Rating: 3/10 (7 November 2015)

Well, I did it. I finally watched Inside Out, Pixar's latest masterpiece. After months of waiting for it to be released, and listening to peers rave about how it's Pixar's best film yet, that everybody should see it, and that I will love it, I rented it on iTunes and gave it a watch, despite my reservations.
Now, here's something about me that some people might be able to relate to, and some might not. I can always tell whether or not I will like a movie, or TV show, or book, either based on what I hear about it, or even if it's little more than a gut feeling. It's almost like a sixth sense, which I've only recently come to understand. There's an alarm that goes off in my head that warns me, "You are not going to like this." When it goes off like an air raid siren, I know to stay away.
Like I said, I've only recently come to fully understand this, and there have been many times over the years when I've gone ahead anyway despite my misgivings, and ended up wishing I'd trusted said misgivings. I have never been wrong. When I first saw the promotional posters, and learned the plot outline, the inner alarms were blaring loudly and angrily. My instincts have never failed me before.
But, as they say, there is a first time for everything.
And when that time comes, I will be sure to make it known, because that time still has yet to come.
If I had a dime for every time I heard that this movie is Pixar's "return to form," I would probably be set for life. To that assertion, I have a question. Exactly what *form* would that be? The Pixar *I* grew up with made movies that made me *laugh*, that were exciting, and made me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. This movie, on the other hand, made me laugh in earnest a grand total of once ("Eat me, I'm organic!"), and kind of chuckle one other time (*snore* "Who's the birthday girl?"). That's it. The entire rest of the movie, I was wanting desperately to go home, even though I was in my room the whole time.
No Pixar movie has ever made me feel so miserably unhappy, and the 30-second-long happy ending did nothing to make up for the preceding hour and a half of oppressive, and progressively intensifying, gloom. My goodness, that was depressing. I'm not P.O.'d that it made me cry; I actually never cried, although I did come pretty close at the very end, but even if I had, it wasn't in a good way. I have no idea how this movie was supposed to make me feel, but I felt downcast whether that was the intent or not.
If this is Pixar's "return to form," then I'm not sure I want on this ship anymore. This "form" started seven years ago with Wall-E, a dreadfully depressing film, continued with Up, about which I listened to my instincts and mercifully skipped (a decision I have never once regretted), and Toy Story 3, which I saw one time and have never watched it since (three guesses why, and the first two don't count). And now Inside Out. Wall-E was a mercy compared to this, and it has barely had time to fully sink in.
I just... I'm dejected. I didn't like it at all. As I said before, I had a very bad feeling from the moment I found out what the movie was about. I put off watching it for almost a week after renting it, just to steel myself for it, even after waiting months for it to come out, and now... I'm not sure anything could have prepared me for this. Frankly, I wish I'd left well enough alone, ignored everybody's raving and pressuring me to see it, and never watched it. I guess one positive is that now nobody can tell me 'don't knock it if you haven't tried it.' I tried it, and it made me miserable. I told you so.
I apologize to any readers if I'm coming off as ranting and railing, but... that was upsetting. I think I'm going to listen to some John Williams to try to cheer myself up.
P.S. Just so nobody misunderstands me, from a purely objective standpoint, this was a marvelously well done film. The animation is beautiful, the voice-acting top notch, and the musical score is lovely. I am not calling any of that into question. This is merely how I experienced the story, and it made me feel like I was dying inside.