These Captions Are Making Me Thirsty

Rating: 7/10 (1 December 2015)

Any film featuring a black leather trench coat, vintage fountain pen, blue-black ink, glass of fresh milk, Calabash Meerschaum pipe, and a corn-cob pipe within the first twenty minutes is okay by me. Unfortunately, out of those six items, five of them are enjoyed by a sophisticated Jew-hunting Nazi by the name of Colonel Hans Landa of the Waffen-SS (Christoph Waltz). If you listen closely to the Nazi Colonel's opening dialogue, you can distinctly experience Quentin Tarantino's writing and direction seeping through the Colonel's performance.
Aside from Brad Pitt (Lt. Aldo Raine) sounding like a Nascar driver from Tennessee and NOT eating throughout the movie (i.e. Ocean's Eleven), the entire cast brings this alternate universe to life. It's hard to talk about anything without completely giving away the plot, so all I'll say is that Samuel L. Jackson is no Morgan Freeman.
Shosanna Dreyfus (Mélanie Laurent) is an amazingly stoic Jew bursting at the seams with revenge. Frederick Zoller (Daniel Brühl) is a perfectly humble and nice young man on Opposite Day. He's actually a huge #$%^# prick.
Captions captions captions. Blood. Guns. Fire. Mike Myers. German. French.
Bridget von Hammersmark (Diane Kruger) would be a ritzy douchebag if she were a man. I suppose that would make her a douchebaguette.
You know what? If you were never quite satisfied with the historically accurate fate of Hitler, Inglourious Basterds is a fun way to explore a much more violent and satisfying alternate reality.