Someone please take away Tarantino's writing and directing license

Rating: 1/10 (5 September 2009)

Today would have been my father's 88th birthday. As it is, I'm glad he didn't live long enough to see this movie. It's difficult to decide which part of it worst. Gluttony comes to mind, but maybe that's because I'm still trying to erase the loving close-ups Tarantino gives us of a couple characters enjoying their strudel.
From the very opening credits, I was suspect. Can credits be artful and boring at the same time? I say, "Yes!" But that was quickly swept away by the opening scene at a French farm house where an SS officer (Christoph Waltz as "Col. Hans Landa") is searching for hidden Jewish people. After treating us to about ten minutes of subtitled French, the two characters switch to rather flawless, unaccented English. The "action" is boorish. The dialog laborious. And this scene establishes the pace and tone for the rest of the movie.
Scene after scene ("Chapters" as the movie puts it) labor on and on with nothing happening. The characters are NOT expanded upon beyond their original shallow depth. I think I've seen more nuanced characters in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
Each "chapter" reminds me of a weekday soap opera. You can leave it for several years, return in the middle, and pick right back up where you left off.
The film's ending is farce mixed with a dash of tragedy.
I loved "Reservoir Dogs," "Pulp Fiction" & "Natural Born Killers," but around "Jackie Brown," it felt as if everyone became afraid of the great artist Tarantino. "Kill Bill" was clearly excessive. "Death Proof" and "Grindhouse" were uncalled for. If simple gore is art, then please, Mr. Tarantino, make a decent horror movie. Otherwise, just stop. Buy an editor and listen to them. I believe you're too much of a fan of cinema to realize you're boring us to death.
As for my dad, he was a veteran of the D-Day invasion at Normandy. His landing was the one you saw the opening of "Saving Private Ryan." He was in Stephon Ambrose's book. He loved "Hogan's Heros" (the TV show), so I know he had a good sense of humor about lighthearted treatments of WWII. Still, I'm glad he didn't have to suffer through this horrible movie.
I left the theater during the café scene. Stepped outside to smoke a cigarette because I was so bored. I came back in time to still be bored again before the "fireworks" started. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
Cut this movie down to the hour and half it probably should have been and you might have a decent movie. As it stands, it rates on par with "2001: A Space Odyssey," only less compelling.