Tarantino's new low

Rating: 1/10 (28 March 2010)

OK, first up I have two admissions to make. Firstly, my ridiculously low vote is NOT an attempt to balance out the high marks that the Tarantinophiles have given this film and secondly that I am reviewing based only on the first half of the movie because it was so dire I gave up.
{Spoliers from here}
Quentin, a film is not a book, we do not need to be told where the chapters are. Nor do we need subtitles in the same language as the spoken words.
Here are a few more subtle tips for you:
Good actors can multi-task.
Even if you must have them read your horribly over-complex dialogue they should be able to cope with actions at the same time and don't need to always sit at a table and talk at each other.
If you are going to use multiple languages as a plot device so that the people hiding under the floorboards don't understand then don't use words that have been adopted across both languages (e.g. masquerade).
There are alternatives to extreme violence and verbose story-telling, but if these are the only tools in your ridiculously limited arsenal then feel free to blend them rather than just one, then the other, then back to the first one.
If you are so insecure that you need to leave messages to yourself in the movie then try to be a bit smoother than "French people are great because they love directors".
If you just do a half-baked job of stealing from and copy-catting icons who did a much better job of something in the first place, it is not an homage, it's an insult.