One of the worst movies I've ever seen

Rating: 1/10 (13 August 2017)

OK, let me start by saying that I loved the Indiana Jones franchise up until this point. Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of my all time favorite films, I really enjoyed Temple of Doom (not as good as Raiders but still amazing), so I had very high hopes when I saw Last Crusade for the first time as many of my friends said it was the best in the series and I was very excited to see it for the first time and I assumed it was going to be one of the greatest films ever made. Well I was wrong, Last Crusade let me down more than any film I have ever watched. The opening prologue with River Phoenix was a horrible, contrived mess. Indy somehow gets his fear of snakes, his whip, his hat and his scar all in a matter of 10 minutes, River Phoenix while I have not seen any of his other work gave a god awful performance the "this should be in a museum" line makes me cringe every single time. Unfortunately after the opening "1912" sequence it doesn't get any better, Harrison Ford seems bored out of his mind and gives an incredibly dull performance, I didn't care much for him in Return of the Jedi and I don't care for him in this either. The supporting cast doesn't do any better, Alison Doody is a laughably atrocious and bland actress , Denholm Elliot is back however he is so different from how he was in Raiders that he might as well be a completely different character, and oh my god he is a complete moron who has been reduced to comic relief and to me is the "Jar Jar Binks" of the Indiana Jones franchise (yes I realize this came first). Julian Glover was an amazing Bond villain, I loved him in For Your Eyes Only and in his brief appearance in Empire Strikes Back, I don't know what happened here, again he gave an incredibly boring performance, he wasn't the least bit threatening and gave another terrible performance and then there is Sean Connery, one of the greatest actors ever who has basically been reduced to a bumbling idiot.
John Williams score is a complete letdown, one thing that made Temple of Doom so exciting was the music, especially the scene where Indy freed the kids, which gets me pumped up every time. The score of Last Crusade is pretty boring.
The plot is simply a rehash of Raiders, while Temple of Doom was not as good as Raiders I do respect it for trying to do something different. I felt the plot of Return of the Jedi was way too similar to A New Hope and I can't give this one a pass either. However what really disappoints me the most about this film is the tone, yeah it is not dark or gritty anymore like the first two were, it is very campy, childish and silly. There is nothing suspenseful about Last Crusade it is pretty much a comedy, a really bad comedy while I'm at it. Yes the first two had funny moments, but they both had dark, witty humor which worked very well. The comedy in Last Crusade is pre-school humor, my evidence: There is a Mickey Mouse joke in an Indiana Jones film!!! After watching the opening of the Ark and the sacrifice scene in the previous two films I never thought we would have jokes about Mickey Mouse but here we are.
The film is also riddled with plot holes, there is a moment where Indy and his father are stranded in the middle of Nazi Germany and in the very next scene they are in Hatay (present day Turkey) which is at least 1000 miles away with no explanation!
This film disappointed me on every level, the only redeeming quality this film has is yes Walter Donavan's death is kind of cool but it lasts a total of maybe 15 seconds and out of a 2 hour movie that is simply not going to cut it. I cannot watch this film in one sitting, the last time I watched it it took me at least a week to finish because I had to keep turning it off because it was so incredibly cringe worthy. This movie is Batman and Robin level of bad except a film like Batman and Robin is at least the kind of movie you can laugh at and have a good time with, Last Crusade doesn't even rise to that level.
OK obviously I don't recommend this movie, go watch Raiders or Temple of Doom, or even Crystal Skulls (yes I said it). Last Crusade just depresses me as it shows a once great franchise with a lot of potential hit rock bottom. I'd give this a zero out of 10 if I could.