Worst Movie of the Decade

Rating: 1/10 (10 November 2006)

Sometimes you wonder just how bad a movie can be. Don't wonder any longer. Just rent this colossal piece of manure and strap yourself in for perhaps the worst movie viewing experience you have ever tolerated. This overlong, overblown, ridiculous cartoon has one redeeming quality and that is the buildings being blown up once the aliens FINALLY launch their attack on the world. Prior to that, and trust me, it takes awhile, you must tolerate scene after scene of reaction shots to the approaching alien craft. The cast aren't really looking at anything because the computer animation hasn't been added yet. Ho-hum. Between these scenes and for a long time afterward, the people featured in this story have a peculiar tendency to go on with their lives as if there is no particular hurry trying to deal with everything suddenly turned upside down. There's all the time in the world to say goodbye, eat a bag of chips, drive to work, go on a short vacation, or do whatever else you want. That's when you realize just how boring and absurd this thing is going to be. We must admit those effects are pretty good, the giant explosions and the flying cars and trucks squashing the running crowds as they attempt escape. I'll give this horrendous pile a "1" just for that. Soon enough, though, we're right back to the sappy, dreary, meaningless dialog. You can almost imagine one of the actors on the set acting confused and asking,
"Wait a minute. What's my motivation here?" The cast and crew crack up, knowing just how silly his remark is, but the actors actually must pretend this farce is poignant. For example, there's Will Smith trying to tell his girlfriend he loves her while choking back the emotion, or was it the other way around? I don't quite remember but who gives a rat's. Then Will's dragging an alien across the salt flat and hamming it up. It's painful to watch. Then there's Jeff Goldbum and his dad (Judd Hirsch), who play chess in the park as a regular thing. Jeff is well-educated but lacking in ambition, so he's a cable guy. His appraising gaze is often fraught with smouldering sensitivity, belying the supposed depth of his character.
Go grab a snack or take a pee and don't bother with the pause. You won't miss anything worth seeing, except perhaps a rather silly excursion into the character of the "president," who is seen at the helm in the midst of this crisis. Gee, he looks kind of young to be president. As the aliens wipe out most of the world, he seems paralyzed with indecision, but never fear. Finally, realizing the invaders are beyond redemption and the human race is about to be annihalated, he gives the order to "nuke 'em!"
Wait a sec, we almost forgot. it doesn't matter what you hit 'em with because nothing will penetrate their shields. Sounds familiar. The prez gives a stirring speech and hops into an Air Force fighter jet. He wants a piece of them, himself. Whaddya mean that doesn't quite add up? Pretend you're six years old.
Goldblum and Smith fly into space (never mind how) to rendevouz with the mother ship and download a virus into it's computer banks, using Jeff's trusty notebook computer. This, he thinks, will screw up the alien "signal," our only chance to save mankind. Once this brilliant maneuver is executed, it will take down the shields from all the giant craft and we will be able to shoot them down, at least for a few precious minutes. The armed forces of other countries have been contacted by Morse Code and are ready to act in concert.
The ridiculous virus strategy worked, of course, and Jeff and Will are heroes. So is the president, and so is the drunken crop duster pilot who makes the ultimate sacrifice. Too bad the First Lady took some shrapnel in the ass early in the flick and went down to defeat. Anyway, that's a wrap, people. Let's sling this piece of cheap dogfood into the can and go home. There's gonna be a cast party over at Will's house and attendance is mandatory. Do I make myself clear? Do you wanna get paid? Be there!