I laughed. But not in a good way.

Rating: 3/10 (5 July 2009)

To start, let me admit that the only reason I watched this movie was James Duval* (and the fact that it happened to air on the Dutch TV today). I do not generally like action movies, and while I can see that the special effects and destruction scenes may redeem ID4 in the eyes of people that do, I personally just couldn't get over the laughable plot.
Yes, to be fair, I laughed - but it was the incredulous laugh of someone who can't believe his eyes. The scene that almost killed me was the one with the 'British' soldiers in the Iraqi desert. I'm not a native speaker, but despite all the 'bloody's and cups of tea that were tossed in for good measure, I don't think those actors were, either. I thought it couldn't get worse, until the naked, spear-brandishing African primitives showed up. The local McDonald's obviously had been photoshopped out, lest the viewer might think the Americans brought anything other than peace and democracy to the world.
...But really. I dislike neither America nor its inhabitants, but you *have* to realise how your overblown patriotism must look in the eyes of those with a more, erm, objective view on things. In fact, if the movie makers had been a bit more sensitive to actual history, they'd have had the alien ships exploding while our heroes were still desperately trying to come up with a plan, leaving everyone dumbstruck until someone finally realised, 'Damn! The Russians beat us to it'.
Now *that* would have been a funny joke.
Everyone already commented on the general ridiculousness of the main plot line, so I'll refrain from doing that. But let me just share one pet peeve that no one seems to have mentioned so far: the portrayal of science. In the actual world, scientists are intelligent people who know stuff you don't. In ID4 world, scientists are stupid, giggly weirdos who fail to make actual progress until the President and his cable guy decide to come barging in (in a sterile area, no less, supposedly spoiling decades of research, but who cares what those geeks are doing). THEY FAILED TO REALISE THAT THE PATTERNS ON THE SCREEN WERE A COMMUNICATION SIGNAL. I rest my case.
Then there's the romance. The Will Smith/Vivica Fox romance was decent, though completely compiled from stock dialogue and clichéd scenes, but at least you get to feel like they deserve each other and vaguely hope for a happy ending for them. But Jeff Goldblum's character getting his wife back? She dumped him because he didn't do anything extraordinary, wants him back now that he's saved the day, and he happily encloses her in his arms as the credits roll - why doesn't he tell her that 'sorry, but she never accepted him for who he was, and it's too late now'? Do the writers really intend to convey the message that you truly only deserve to be loved for what you do, rather than for who you are? I'm sorry, but that doesn't seem very romantic to me.
So, maybe I am overanalysing, because ID4 is really just a no-brainer, blah blah. But somehow, I can't see the fun of watching a movie while desperately trying to keep my neurons from firing - one might as well watch a movie with one's eyes closed. ('OMG you haters, you were just expecting WAY too much, if you had closed your eyes throughout the entire movie you'd have given it a 10/10!')
By the way, you know what else killed me ded? This exquisite piece of irrefutable argumentation I stumbled upon in the comments: "Ok first of all the only people complaining about how bad this movie was are from other countries. here is a news flash for you. the US saved England's butts in world war 2."
______ * Yes, I know he's not that great an actor, but girls can be superficial too. Next time, include moar shots plz?