Why, Robot?

Rating: Null/10 (12 August 2004)

SPOILER WARNING "I, Robot", the new nonsense-fest from Will Smith, is directed by the goon who brought you "Dark City". Ah yes, "Dark City", that unbelievably stupid wallow in "noir" cliches which managed to convince one or two less discerning viewers that it was a masterpiece. For the rest of us it was a pretentious and embarrassing bore. "I, Robot" is better than "Dark City", which is like saying being kicked in the balls is better than being kicked in the balls twice. Will Smith plays a jaded cop who sleeps in his shorts and his hat, and hates robots. But wait - he has a robot arm (surprise!) and he was once saved by a robot, but the robot should have saved the little girl who also needed saving at the same time. Yawn. In the opening scene Mr. Smith runs after a robot who looks like he's stolen a handbag. Guess what? It hasn't stolen it, it's returning it to its rightful owner. Ho ho. Mr. Smith has a fat, grumpy, cigar-chewing boss who says things like "Give me your badge". Yawn. There are various pointless and unnecessary action sequences that defy all belief and common sense. The one where the demolition robot destroys the house is particularly stupid and irrelevant. On the plus side, the special effects are good, and the film is relatively short. The plot, such as it is, is completely insane, even more insane than that mad one in "Minority Report". Scientist finds out that evil computer wants to take over world with robots, so invents tough robot and instructs robot to kill him so as to send warning to cop who hates robots. Did I miss something? And why (WHY?) are all the old robots put in big crates and left in a desert? Why not at least switch them off first? And why am I supposed to be impressed by computer-generated images fighting each other? It's just a jazzy cartoon. That said, I would just like to make one final point: This film is rubbish.