I, Reallydidn'tlikethismovie

Rating: 4/10 (3 March 2005)

"I, Robot", directed by Alex Proyas takes place in the not so distant future, specifically 2035 Chicago. Del Spooner (Smith) is a police detective who has a prejudice against robots, which is kind of an issue since they are basically everywhere. Robots have replaced humans in doing manual labor jobs (garbage men, etc.) and have become personal assistants and even companions to many people. On the eve of the release of the latest model that will not only replace the old models but will be featured in one in five homes, the chief scientist and inventor of the robots allegedly commits suicide by throwing himself out of his office window. Spooner is the detective on the case because the scientist has left a holographic message for him that leads him to believe that there is more to this death than a suicide. The head of the company the scientist worked for is Lawrence Robertson (Greenwood), who appoints one of his primary employees, Susan Calvin (Moynahan) to assist Spooner with his investigation. When Spooner discovers the crime seems to have been committed by a robot, Sonny, one who seems to have feelings (and more importantly) disregards the three laws of robotics, he and Calvin find that there may be much more on the new robots' agendas than they thought.
Boy, where do I start with this one? I really intensely disliked this film as a whole. There were so many clichés that were invoked, from the "cop that everyone thinks is crazy", to the "evil corporate magnate who may not be so evil". The script for "I, Robot" is rife with bad puns "Sorry, I'm allergic to bulls**t", and at least ten "Oh, hell no"'s from Smith. There were several completely inane plot points (Shia LaBeouf's role, which was essentially a walk-on, where Smith repeatedly tells him not to curse was baffling, for one), and frankly, Smith's argument for his prejudice against the robots was not remotely convincing to me, something that was a pretty big deal since it was a big part of the plot. The acting in "I, Robot" was absolutely reprehensible. Will Smith, has proved with his non-action films that he can act. Although he has done mostly action-oriented films and therefore can't really show too much talent in that genre, his performance in "I, Robot" just plain sucked. And shame on the casting directors for picking Bridget Moynahan to co-star in this film. In fact, let's go back farther - shame on her agent or whoever decided that she COULD act. Her role as a scientist was about as believable as Denise Richards was in whatever Bond film she was in, only she was somehow worse in this movie. I kept asking when she was going to reveal the fact that she was actually a robot because that was the only thing that would have explained her wooden delivery. If they simply wanted someone with a pretty face, they could have at least gotten a marginal actress like Kate Beckinsale or something. They would have just had to make the character Hungarian since she can't seem to shake that accent.
Meanwhile, Proyas' direction was rife with "groaner" moments. Anything that was supposed to be a "surprise!" moment (Sonny surviving the chair after a scene where he was supposed to be killed that I dubbed "Dead Bot Walking", or after his car was totaled, Smith cracking out the trusty motorcycle) was just a big letdown because it was unfortunately apparent these things would happen long before the reveal. I also question the decision to make Chicago look virtually unrecognizable a mere thirty years from now. I guess the Sears Tower was spotted, but other than that it could have been any city. (Other than the vague reference to a dried up Lake Michigan, which I still don't get  perhaps I missed something when I was trying to burrow into the couch to escape this movie.) Honestly, I didn't think the movie could actually take a turn for the worse three minutes until the end, but it did, with something as simple as a really stupid and corny handshake between Smith and Sonny that was inexplicably in slow motion, invoking my memories of other films of the same mettle who also enjoyed unnecessary slo-mo, like "Glitter" or "Battlefield Earth." The only thing that saved this stinker of a movie from a spot in my coveted dungeon of films I loathe with great malice that include "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and "Escape from L.A." was the fact that the special effects were indeed fantastic. The entire reason why I watched this film at all was because of its Special Effects nomination for an Oscar, and after seeing the film it was clear that it was far superior to its fellow nominees "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" and "Spiderman 2" (which it eventually lost to). The CGI work is top-notch, particularly anything to do with Sonny. Even the scenes when "reality" and CGI mixed were fantastic. Not enough to save the film, not by a long shot, but definitely the only positive thing I can say about the film.
Other than the Special Effects work, "I, Robot" is absolutely terrible. I wouldn't watch it again on a bet. Knowing that in an action film, the story and acting are usually put on the back burner, I will generally give some leeway that I don't allow for regular dramas. But there is no excuse for the deplorable, appalling and abominable product that Proyas churned out and expected us to watch. I couldn't tolerate it, must less enjoy it, and now I plan to try to forget I ever saw it. I'm giving this film a 4/10, only because of the superior special effects; otherwise it would have gotten no more than a 2.
--Shelly