Nobody got their money's worth except Ford

Rating: 2/10 (4 January 2008)

A movie of a book is not the book. Fanboys take note: stop crying, and try reading something not about vampires. Though immensely more competent than any of its film incarnations, Matheson's novel is no literary high point, except within its own tepid genre.
That said, this movie sucks on so many levels it's difficult to calculate what damage I may have done myself by watching it. I just got back from the IMAX experience; since the screen is twice as big, maybe the movie sucks twice as bad. But I doubt it would be better at any size, except too small to see. Perhaps I'll write a more coherent review after I clean the stupidity off my clothes and body.
The wonderful Last Man on Earth premise is subverted by an acute lack of imagination. They had all the architecture of Manhattan to explore and do spooky stuff with, but the interiors are limited to a couple of Ikea kitchens, a lab setup from any Milla Jovovich vehicle, a Blockbuster, and a single warehousy bank vault. The ghouls are straight out of Zombie Central Casting, indistinguishable from those in a hundred other undead movies. The cleverest bit is naming Emma Thompson Dr Crippen. And that's over before the credits are.
All the zombies look like Gollum, and are about as scary; in fact all the CGI is weaker than the budget would seem to afford; even the deer look fake, and the lions are laughable. The dog gives the best performance in the movie. Will Smith's biceps simply aren't big enough to carry this much steaming crap. He cries, yeah, great, he's fine; what am I supposed to do, give him a medal for using all his Hollywood clout to get behind something this lousy? The character with whom we're supposed to sympathize says the zombies show no human tendencies, after we've already seen them in love; later they set traps and keep pets, but he never changes his opinion. It's a bad sign when I'm smarter than the brilliant scientist. And it's a really bad sign when such a remarkable discrepancy remains unexplored in a movie starving for ideas, drama, and innovation.
Oh, hey, and how about a story? Too much trouble? You're right. Just stick another Ford product in there. Yeah, an SUV this time.