I remember a time when action movies had action.

Rating: 1/10 (1 September 2008)

The top ten reasons this is the most unoriginal movie ever made: Cliché 1  "And now we spread light into the darkness!" Tee-hee-hee! I think it was Jesus who said that before Hollywood decided to make it as common and meaningless as "Have a great day!".
Cliché 2  Monsters that try to look like zombies. And not cool zombiestry pathetic moaning retards that looked like they couldn't poop and turned green or something. Scary? If I was Will Smith, I would have hit them with a rock and ended the terrible movie right there.
Cliché 3  An all-consuming virus that turns people into zombies! The melodrama makes me cringe with excitement! Oh wait . . . that was the first time I heard that plot line with (far superior) video games like Resident Evil and (far, far superior) movies like The Hills Have Eyes. Give it a rest, please.
Cliché 4  The post-apocalyptic plot that isn't a plot at all. Or, most simply, the entire running time of the movie. My 2-year-old cousin has more imagination.
Cliché 5  Not only are there zombies, but the zombies only come out in the dark! Wow! If I close my eyes and pretend that this hasn't been done 1000 times, I might find that kinda cool! Cliché 6  The main character sacrifices himself for the good of a woman and humanity . . .
Cliché 7  . . . but like every other Hollywood hit that the critics love, he's too stupid for his own good. He had close to a minute (yes, I counted) to open up the shutter and escape the grenade, but he just stood there like a retarded teenager as it went off.
Cliché 8  Boring opening, just like the cliché critics love. It took an hour and a half before anything action-like happened. Oh wait, there was no action. I'm thinking about myself peeing after it was overthat was more action-packed than the entire movie put together.
Cliché 9  Flat characters who's names I couldn't even remember during the movie, much less after it was over.
Cliché 10  This is my favorite. Can you guess it? Everything in this movie has been done in at least 3 other movies I can think of off the top of my head.
People say Napoleon Dynamite didn't have a plot? Honestly, folks, this was more pointless than Napoleon even could have been. And at least he wasn't a sad cliché who was too stupid to open up a door and save his life.
And I'm not even going to go into the boring pretentiousness of everything else this movie tried to be but wasn't. Let me put it this way: if you have enough attention span for this movie, I feel sorry for you.
0/10.