great ingredients butchered to death by a bunch of unimaginative hack chefs relying too much on spice

Rating: 3/10 (13 August 2008)

i haven't read the book, so i'm taking the movie as is (which is the way it should be done). and STILL it's ruined by what i can only attribute to carelessness and paying too much attention to the "trees" instead of the "woods" (or vice versa, who knows?). by now anyone who reads this is already familiar with the story, so i'll just point out a few things that killed it for me.
in the opening scene, will is hunting CG-rendered deer through the derelict city in a SPOTLESSLY clean and shiny red mustang. 1) are you telling me you actually washed and waxed it so that you'd look good for a bunch of zombies? 2) why hunt? it's only been 3 years after the virus breakout, and there's still electricity. SURELY there must be some frozen/canned meat around. - just break into any supermarket, dude! the whole scene is totally absurd and pointless, but hey - i guess it looks "good". and that was obviously the only point.
speaking of cars: the girl's SUV is also spotless. i guess that in between running from zombies and staying alive, people take time to keep their cars squeaky clean. you never know who might be watching.
the girl tells will that there's a survivors' shelter somewhere in virginia. and how does she know about it? 'cause "god told her".
please.
said shelter is surrounded by what looks like a 16-ft wall at most. and two guards with M-16s. previously we saw zombies effortlessly climbing 3 stories high into will's apartment and hanging from ceilings. this wall would be a child's play for them. but whatever.
and the "zombies" themselves? souped-up gollums. CGI stuff here, folks, and not all that realistic either. if they hadn't destroyed that mustang, they might have had the money to hire a couple of stunts. 'cause it's hard to be afraid of bad CGI. and the fact that most "scares" are jump scares accompanied by loud blasts of FX doesn't help either.
also, i find the whole "cast away" angle, with will talking to dolls in the best tom hanks fashion completely unnecessary. he's got a clever dog for a companion, does he REALLY need to hit on girl dolls? those scenes might have provided some uncalled-for "comic" relief had he been doing it for fun. but he's FOR REAL. you might lose your mind on a deserted island due to lack of content, but after only three years in new york (no pun intended)?! come on! his days are full, there's so much to do, and he's a rational and intelligent man who's keeping himself fit, focused and organized, and is still trying to find the cure and other survivors. why flip it all around and try to sell us that he's in fact lost his mind?
will uses one of the dolls ("frank"?) as a decoy for zombies, so that he could catch them and test the cure. but then at one point he flips, starts shouting at frank for standing in the street and exposing himself, steps on his own trap and gets attacked by zombies. but not before he cuts the rope he's hanging from by his leg WHILE he's hanging from it (instead of pulling himself up), thus falling from 12 ft onto concrete and landing on his knife. brilliant. what a great way to advance your plot - by making your fit army general and scientist a mindless idiot.
80% of the movie is will alone with his dog. yet his death scene is so short and understated that i thought it was just a gimmick and that he'd emerge alive and well later on. but no, that's it. the whole ending's over in the blink of an eye.
plus, there could've been more shots depicting how will spends his days. i mean, come on: he's got the whole city, the whole WORLD to himself! let your imagination run wild, for f*ck's sake! is playing golf on a plane carrier all you could come up with, mr. screenwriter?
and why don't we get ANY explanation, or even a clue, as to how come the cure is in will's blood? is it because he's listening to a lot of bob marley, who said that "music is the ultimate cure"?
i've got SO many gripes, but this is already too long, so i'll sum it up. a cool idea and great visuals (at least some of the time), ruined by being needlessly cluttered with nonsensical BS and bad CGI. stick to the meat and bones, don't spice it up and overkill it. you're ruining a great meal that's hiding somewhere underneath.