Nothing happens

Rating: 4/10 (21 January 2012)

Spoilers from right now:
When I realised that nothing was going to happen in this film, and that the robot wasn't going to do anything, kill anyone, or even be a bit scary, I figured this might be about how Martin Scorcese wanted to be remembered in the future.
Professor: Hey kids. Are you reading about Martin Scorcese? He was one of my idols during my years, working my way up to be the Professor of 'Knowing stuff about Films'.
Little girl: I had no idea my uncle Martin was a film director!
Hugo: Wow. How spiffingly amazing
Professor: Well since he died, during the Great 'War on Terror', time has not been kind to his movies. However, we have managed to keep hold of this one.
Little girl: But my uncle isn't dead.
Professor: What? But I'm sure I saw him die...
Hugo: Dear sir, can we watch one of his movies?
Professor: Of course! Allow me to introduce you to the genius of Martin Scorcese.
Later
-Knock knock-
Helen: Hello children.
Little girl: Hey Aunty Helen, I had no idea uncle Martin was a famous director!
Hugo: Like, yeah, you know what I mean? How did we not know about dat? What a wise guy. Did he pay off the cops?
Helen: Hugo, why are you wearing sunglasses?
Little girl: You can take them off now. We're indoors.
Hugo: Hey, quit breaking my balls!
Helen: Yes, uncle Martin made films. But he does not like to talk about it any more since the War on Terror ruined his business. Be quiet, or he'll hear us and start emotionally manipulating us into feeling bad.
Martin: It's too late for that.
Little girl: Uncle Martin!
Hugo: Hey what's up Marty? I had no idea you were such a guy, you know? I had you down as one of those goody-good people who worked shitty jobs for bum paychecks and took the subway to work every day, and worried about their bills. Making dumb toys in your shop, which I'd just steal to make my terminator in some random part of the station no one ever goes in, because property is so cheap in Paris there's no incentive to make maximum use of all available space.
Martin: Hugo, before you were an irritating thief but now... what's happened to you?
Hugo: Fuhgeddaboudit.
Little girl: Why did you stop making movies uncle Martin? And why were they so... violent?
Martin: Well, after the War on Terror, all everyone wanted to watch were films and stories about terrorists, corrupt politicians and global warming. No one was bothered about mafia films any more so I went into a strop and burnt all my films and my set. Then I decided to make a terminator to get revenge on society, but all it could do was draw pictures.
Little girl: The academics at the university think you died in the war.
Martin: It's true that my position was nearly overrun during Operation Michael of 2018 in the Franco/Luxembourg war that had been triggered by Jihadists throwing toilet roll at the Centre Pompidou. However, I called in Robert Deniro to help me out. He owes his career to me.
Little girl: What were you doing in the war? Weren't you 75 in 2018?
Martin: I was loading artillery for the Hershey bar fusiliers.
Hugo: Wow. You musta whacked some guys. But life on the streets ain't nothing like the army, where you shoot 'em a mile away. You gotta get up close like this... badaBING! You blow their brains out all over your nice NYU suit.
Martin: I didn't direct 'The Godfather'. How many films have you just watched?
Hugo: You're breaking my balls too!
Martin: Hugo, go and oil some clocks and get out of my house.
Hugo: What did you say m********?!