I tried, I really did.

Rating: 1/10 (12 August 2012)

Like many, I decided to watch Hugo because of the name Scorsese and, additionally, the 5 Oscars. The trailer didn't really work for me, but I thought, hey, it's Scorsese and it won 5 Oscars, it can't be bad. Oh yes it can, apparently. I have literally just finished the film and am now on the IMDb to vent my frustration.
How much do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways:
1. Not one single character spoke to me in any way. That's quite an achievement, I must say.
2. It has somehow become the mark of film-making greatness to 'take your time', or as I would call it, to insert unnecessarily long scenes to 'set the mood'. The start was promising (and by start I mean literally the first few minutes): we see the microcosm of a Paris train station (Gare du Nord, I suppose) through the slightly otherworldly eyes of a young boy. After too many minutes of that, I was out of the film and I never got back in again. This film could've been half as long without losing any of its impact. Everything about it was slow and dragged out, every single dialogue, chase and travel shot. E-very-thing about this film was too long and too slow.
3. The Cohen character was a caricature of itself... but not a funny one. Ouch. No points there. Same goes for the bookseller, the flower lady, the drunk uncle etc. How do you people a universe with characters nobody cares about or is likely to identify with? Must take an Oscar-winning directing legend.
4. Masturbation. That's my word for this type of film: a film director musing on the wonder that is his livelihood, and the academy looking on approvingly. The whole meta-fiction angle can be the starting point of something amazing and genuinely eye-opening, but it sure wasn't this time. The question in my mind every single minute of this film was: what's the point? What are you trying to tell me? What am I invited to share here? No answer in the whole 120 minutes of it. Then it struck me: I'm invited to share in the wonder that is Scorsese! This is 2 hours of the man patting himself on the back. Masturbation. And I paid to watch. Thanks for that.
5. There's only one thing worse in cinematic entertainment than crap, and that's crap you have to like. It's Scorsese! It won 5 Oscars! Note to self: never EVER pick up a film again for any of those two reasons.