I wanted to like it..

Rating: 3/10 (10 January 2006)

First of, let me mention that I've never reviewed a movie before. I make no claim of being good at it, I can offer no explanation as to why anyone should listen to me, but here are my thoughts. I've read about 5 of the reviews on here, and I feel like they've missed the mark quite badly. After the movie, I found myself defending Hostel to my wife more than I even felt it deserved. Apparently this is a love it or hate it type of movie, but I didn't do either -- I just thought it was pretty bad.
My biggest gripe with the film through about an hour was that there was absolutely no plot. A few guys go to Slovakia and get tortured. It wasn't till right at the end that the plot made itself apparent and Hostel finally seemed to have some value as a film. Without giving away any of the details, I'd say, at this point, Hostel seemed to have a great premise for a film -- unfortunately it didn't pull it off.
Hostel in no way attached me to the characters. While I've debated with myself how realistically they behaved, there's no getting around the fact that the characters were about as likable as any random college tough guy trying to start a fight at a bar -- and these are the guys we're supposed to be pulling for, relating to.
The plot setup took almost the entire movie. My wife said it'd be good for guys, because there were plenty of boobs, but we all have internet and can get that for free anyway. Once the action began, it was over in about 10 minutes. The movie wasn't horror -- there was never a moment I even felt like my heartrate MIGHT increase. And, overall, the whole movie seemed to have a playfull, weak, teenage feel to it, just like Cabin Fever.
I wanted to enjoy this movie. It seemed like it could be an intelligent horror/thriller, but from the very beginning it just wasn't. Quentin Tarrantino needs to stop putting his name on crap.