Why Did Quentin Put His Name On This?

Rating: 1/10 (19 January 2006)

Why in the world would you recommend this to other people? This has to be the biggest load of stank *** moldy maggot semen i have ever laid my previously unscathed viewing sockets on.
*** SPOILERS *** The first 50 minutes of this movie shows the three main characters going around Europe, screwing every woman they see and smoking every plant they touch... Personally, I'm a college student, if i wanted to see pot-porn, i could just go knock on my neighbor's door. I seriously have no idea how i managed to stay awake all this time and not scrape my face off with a popcorn kernel. Seriously that bad.
Then we have what i would like to call the turning point, from just plain pointless pornographic weed-head non-entertainment expo to cringing torturous... whats the word I'm looking for? Whats the exact, extreme opposite of orgasm? Well, lets just pretend i know and i put it there.
The morning after one of the main characters "finally gets laid", their buddy (who is the only character that I actually remember his name) Olie disappears. We later find out he was tortured before being decapitated. Fun. Then we get to see his Asian chick get her toe cut off with a pair of bolt cutters. Double the Fun. This is the point where i was seriously considering leaving...really.
So we get back to the story, just the two main guys left, and wouldn't you know it, buddy number 2 disappears. Lame. We get to see him tortured and then killed. Where is the entertainment in this? If you enjoy watching that, you seriously need a psychological evaluation, because you have some sick and twisted tendencies that need to be monitored. This is actually the point where I began walking out the door, but, sadly, could not as i wanted to see what happened to the main character.
As he goes looking for his friends, he also is captured (big surprise), and has began being tortured. He manages to catch a lucky break and only gets a few fingers chopped off... and kills his torturer. At this point, I did not care, and walked.
Eli Roth: learn to write/direct you moron. Quentin Tarentino: Please don't put your name on another piece of garbage like that ever again... please? I'm begging you here man. Actors: I hope you made a LOT of money.