Total Garbage

Rating: 2/10 (30 August 2009)

Please stay away from this film at all costs. It is honestly one of the worst films I have seen, with little to no redeeming qualities. The characters are flat. The dialogue is generic. The acting is mediocre. The gore is laughably fake. The story is next to non-existent.
To be fair, the idea was a decent one, which is why I give this movie a 2/10. The concept of an international torture ring is genuinely engaging. However, the idea fails before it is even introduced into the movie. It starts off in what was supposed to be the Netherlands, but extreme inattention to detail resulted in many many inaccuracies. We get some soft-core pornography to start the movie off with some T & A for..... some reason. We are also introduced to several dull, stereotypical and unsympathetic characters. After a lame discussion between these characters, we learn that there are apparently no males in Slovakia due to a "war"..... which one, I'm not sure. So, our dull, stupid characters go to Slovakia for the noble cause of scoring some pussy. Follows, several minutes of generic and pointless dialogue.
Then comes the gore. For a few seconds when the main character enters the torture building, we get the feeling that the film might actually become good at this point.... it doesn't. We see the violence from a distance at first and the directing is quite good- very creepy. Then however, the crap-fest continues. Horrible acting is complimented by lame special effects and dumb horror-movie clichés. I'm not going to spoil the ending, but rest assured it's no better than the rest of this garbage.
In short, this movie has mediocre acting and directing, little story, no character development- no scratch that, no real characters at all. It is completely inaccurate in just about everything it portrays from violence to the Dutch speaking German to portraying Slovakia as a 3rd world hellhole. There is even a little WTF sequence where a group of bubble gum-addicted gypsy kids rob people by broad daylight.... of course, at that point in the movie, it didn't really even surprise me. Please do not watch this movie. It is not scary, cool, deep or anything. Lastly, just because Tarantino attached his name to this turd, doesn't make it any the better.