Just no bloody good

Rating: 1/10 (23 October 2006)

I have never given a film a 1 before and always wondered why people do so. I once noticed, for example, that an awful lot of people gave Magnolia a 1 and I thought, why? Why would anyone give a film that makes you think a 1. Why would you give a film with beautiful cinematography a 1, why would you give a film with great acting a 1. Even if you don't like a film doesn't mean it is necessarily bad and deserves a 1. A 1 should be reserved for when a film meets none of the criteria that we might attribute to a half decent film. Moreover, the criteria that makes a generic film a worthwhile part of the canon it seeks company within.
Hostel managed this complete lack worthiness. It was neither scary, suspenseful, well acted, well shot, well plotted, it did not supply any pathos (who cared about these stupid w*nkers anyway?) nor did it bother to even disgust. The gore was as pitiful as the acting and direction. It did have some great tit action, but as I'm not a teenager i'm not really going to let that sway me. This film gets a 1. It was crap, crap, crap. B movies must charm or sleaze their way into your heart. This just lay around farting.