Excellent potential, but all in all: a flop.

Rating: 3/10 (24 December 2006)

To be honest, I was expecting something really excellent about Hostel. A friend and I rented three DVDs to watch, and he specifically wanted to see one movie, while I kept bugging at him to watch Hostel. Eventually he gave in, and we started to watch the movie. I'm a big fan of horror movies; not directors, not actors, and so none of that influences me. None of what I'm saying is influenced by whoever wrote, directed, or acted in this movie. I don't give a damn who wrote the thing, or who he was, or who the actors were. All I know is: it was just not well composed. He left about half an hour into the movie. That's rounded up. More or less he stuck around for about twenty-twenty five minutes, then was just so bored with it that he went off to play a video game instead. That's always a bad sign, for one. If a horror movie doesn't GRIP you right at the start, then it's not going to turn out very well.
It took way too long to get anywhere. To be honest I was just confused during most of it, and I didn't understand why anything was going on until Paxton found the business card. Then FINALLY, after a good hour into the movie, I somewhat get what is going on. By the way, I didn't even catch this guy's name at first. I had to check it out on wikipedia. They may have used it one or two times for this guy, and he suddenly becomes the main character? Where the hell did that happen? Another bad move; these three American jerk-offs, whom we don't care anything about and don't know anything about, are the protagonists here? In order for the horror film to actually frighten you, you've got to feel like you know the characters. If you just feel like your seeing strangers killed, you may think: "Hmm, that's awful." and move on with your life. I admit, I'm very intrigued with the possibility of people actually paying someone to kidnap tourists, and torture them to death. That both frightens, disturbs, and fascinates me. This movie could've really gone in a better direction. Last minute revenge: Horrible. I was actually amused and laughing at the so-called revenges. Said friend came back in just when Natalia noticed that Paxton was the one driving the car, and as he began to run them over, he started laughing. By the time the BubbleGum Gang started attacking the idiots who were chasing after Paxton, we were both just laughing hard at the absurdity of it. I especially loved that revenge scene involving crazy-guy-who-killed-Josh, (Oh, I'm sorry, did we never hear his name either?) because it was again, so absurd. And why exactly did Kana commit suicide, conveniently creating a distraction so that Paxton could get a ride on the train unnoticed? It's tragic she no longer has an eye. At least she's alive and not still being tortured. She looks deeply into her reflection in the mirror (How often are there full-body mirrors set up around train stations, exactly?), decides she's ugly without an eyeball, and leaps in front of a train? Just as convenient as running into the three main antagonists while driving a car, no? Or finding the man who killed your friend who just-so-happens to also be on the same train as you?
That kind of suicide just sounds like a touch of vanity to me. Or if one might argue that it's because she was in such pain she couldn't take it and she figured suicide was the best option: I wonder why, if she was in such pain, she was capable of calmly walking around without any indication she was in pain and throwing herself in front of the train. How did Paxton manage to walk around so calmly and without any major bleeding problems? When he killed nameless-dude-who-killed-Josh, there was blood everywhere in the bathroom. Big dripping obscenely gory puddles of blood, just from cutting the same two fingers that Paxton lost, yet he just walks around with gloves and doesn't seem to have any problems with blood, not to mention manages to think clearly enough to come up with a semi-brilliant plan of escape for himself and Kana while only flinching slightly to put on his gloves, even after being struck in the chest with an extremely sharp something-or-other twice. (Though these puncture wounds seem to be absent or forgotten afterward?)
Another thing, there were no subtitles. Some people actually would like to know exactly what these people are saying in German, thank you. It's a fabulous touch to have these people speaking in a foreign language, but subtitles would be nice.
I'm definitely going to go watch Hostel 2 when it comes out. Most likely I'll be going to laugh at it and see what poor excuse for a plot they strung together THIS time. Most likely a lesbian orgy scene. Ooh, more sex and drugs, let's give this film a high rating.