I want my approximately 94 minutes back please.

Rating: 1/10 (17 September 2006)

I've come to terms that grizzly violence can be entertaining. I admit I'm a fan of the Saw films. Hostel, however, lacks a certain quality I deem necessary in any film worth my time: intelligence. The only redeeming quality of the DVD is the "making of" documentary where the audience is introduced to the brains behind the scenes where we discover how such a waste of a movie was produced. Let me break the film down for you. It could be considered a double feature, the first feature being a lame porno. Shallow characters hiking though Europe to fulfill their sexual fantasies. whoop dee doo. They get stoned, get a little frisky, there's a club fight and then the film climaxes with a co-ed fantasy. Then begins the second feature. People slowly disappear. There's some blood, some gore, people scream because apparently it's pretty flippin' scary. I sit amused, but sort of nostalgic for the co-ed fantasy. There's more blood, an then oozing eye socket, a revenge bit... By this time I begin to wonder when it's going to get good.. then... the credits begin to roll. And I begin to feel betrayed by that video rental store associate who recommended it... that and Benchwarmers... I should have known... phshwah. One may argue that I have misjudged the quality of this movie. That it was actually a very well done comedy. I must admit, I love an optimist when it comes to the occasional outlook on life, but urine doesn't taste good, no matter how thirsty I am and there was no humor in this film. One may defend the acting.. but I'm sure acting like you're "making sweet sugar" with very attractive gals isn't that difficult. And almost any Joe schmo can act hysterical. You scream, yell, whimper a little, drop the eff bomb and wala! you're a star. Okay, so maybe it's not that easy... but come on... it ain't that difficult. Try it. Go ahead. And in fact take a camera crew, get a little naughty, add a little blood, get all hysterical... then send your tape/DVD to Hollywood. If films like Hostel can make it I'm sure you have a flying chance.