Torture with no edge, suspense, or horror.

Rating: 3/10 (11 November 2009)

A certain phrase has been slung around in popular culture ever since the appearance of the Saw series, and that phrase is "Torture Porn." The idea behind 'Torture Porn' being a movie or story that deals with the torture of human beings with no rhyme or reason other than to illicit a sick form of pleasure to a certain audience. I've never liked the term "Torture porn" because I certainly got no pleasure in what I saw in the Saw movie, even if the first one is one of my favourite suspense/horror movies, but that's something entirely different. So what about Hostel, the other big name "Torture porn" flick? Well, although there are certain sights on display that did illicit pleasure mainly in the form of various beautiful women but that didn't really have anything to do with the torture, so I'm already straying away from calling this "Torture porn." But unlike Saw, there is no rhyme or reason here, so if there is a movie out of the two that deserves that title, it is Hostel.
Hostel is not a good movie. The torture isn't scary as there's no tension to it. A lot of guts are spilled here and there are some painful looking scenes, but somehow Eli Roth was able to take the pain or horror out of these scenes and the only groans they got from me weren't in disgust, they were of boredom. To make something like this work as horror, it has to be tense, suspenseful, and most of all, have an edge that makes it scary instead of repulsive. Hostel can't do any of this, the only repulsion the film brings is the fact that it's yawn inducing because of how boring it is. The plot is muddled and confused and it seems to be telling two different stories - one story from an American Pie movie and the other from a wanna-be Guinea Pig horror film. Neither work, I suppose the "American Pie" section works a little bit only because there is some nice nudity, but it still comes off as idiocy.
In the end, there's nothing here for anyone really. Its too tame and lacking in edge to please those few, sick depraved individuals that DO get off on movies like this, and it lacks the suspense and edginess required to make it scary for folks like me who want a few thrills and chills from their 'horror.' And even the part that tries to be a sex comedy doesn't really work either. Hostel is just a stupid movie with practically no appeal, no talent. I only give this a 3 because a 3 is a rather curvy number and the curves are really the only positive to this film.