Never had a fighting chance to be watchable

Rating: Null/10 (24 August 2011)

Earlier this year I had a root canal and 2 cavities. Pain, swelling, and general discomfort. However, I feel better about spending $5000 and receiving core-shaking pain than shelling out $7 or whatever for these lame excuses for "comedy" that roll out like cheap trinkets from a production line. The biggest offender for years now is Brett Ratner. Every time I see a picture, he looks more and more like a hot-dog that fell on the floor – greasy, hairy, and with no taste or shame. He's all cow lips and pig-snouts.
We get with Horrible Bosses a star-studded comedy featuring TV's hottest stars plus a few worn out actors that had the option of the casting couch with Ratner or being in his movie. You can't get anywhere in Hollywood without owing him a favor, it would seem. Anyhoo, our hapless heroes haaate their bosses. I mean who doesn't, right? Right? You hate your boss, Working Joe. So they do what any sensible people would do – kill them, or at least attempt it. I don't feel like I'm spoiling anything just yet.
Each scene plays out like a poorly written SNL script. Or well-written if we're talking Tina Fey years and beyond. There's a little visual gag, maybe a bit of plot, and some half-hearted acting by whatever name graces that segment. The disinterest on the part of most actors was more than evident. Colin Ferrell couldn't keep his accent in check, Charlie Day simple transfered his character from Always Sunny in to a new set of circumstances (although many were eerily similar). Poor guy's going the way of John Heder
Perhaps one of the most insulting things about the movie is the reasoning that led to "Let's kill our bosses." Let us play problem/solution, shall we?
Problem: You are a registered sex offender, your boss is sexually harassing you. You believe you cannot get a job anywhere else.
Solution: It's constant. Get a camera, get an audio recorder, build a case, and sue for sexual harassment. Settlements start at around $100,000 and a dentist isn't going to ruin her career over that bit of money. Take the money, hire another lawyer, and seek a pardon. Or you could kill her.
Problem: You are overworked and your boss passes you over for a promotion. He's simply dreaaaaadful and so mean-spirited. He says if you leave, he'll ruin you in the industry. How? By writing a bad letter of recommendation.
Solution: Every employer knows the former employer may have an attitude about an employee leaving. I doubt a little VP is going to be so influential in the biz (ha, see that term?) that his word alone will disqualify you. Find a new job, quit the old one, move on. Or you could kill him.
Problem: Your dead boss's son takes over the company and flat out tells you he is going to milk it for money and then shut it down.
Solution: For about $5000 a pop, each employee could take ownership of the company and buy him out for a few million dollars. There's no real assets to sell off in the company, and he's obviously not good with money, so a cool $2 mil will look pretty appealing. Or you could call the police and have him busted for huge amounts of coke.
All of these story linchpins can be solved pretty efficiently and easily. Obviously the writers have never lived in the real world ("How much could a banana cost, ten dollars?"). I'm guessing everyone that has ever had a job quickly deduced the cheapest legal way to solve each problem in the first 10 minutes. Some of us became hung up on major plot points and considered the rest of the movie to be stupid and pointless, almost insulting. Most folks just didn't go see the movie. And Queer loved it. Guess we know what that means, DON'T WE.
This movie reminds me strongly of Code Name: The Cleaner – from the looks of it everybody had a great time shooting. Short days, fun cast, etc. Fun for the cast, but definitely not fun to watch. Oh look, Fatty Fat Ratner produced it. If you take a few minutes to connect the dots before you see a movie, you can avoid worthless films altogether. Links to SNL, that horrible Kelsey Grammar sketch show, and, of course, Ratner himself don't really give this movie a fighting chance to ever be watchable.